Will I ever become a grandma?

I would be terribly hurt if my daughters couldn't or wouldn't talk to me about something so important. Having babies is not the taboo subject it was when I was young, women are telling the world and showing off their scans as soon as they know they're pregnant.
If they are having difficulty conceiving or have no intention of ever having children I think their close family should know, to avoid tactless comments and to support without, of course, prying or nagging.

jayneayressister and other like minded would-be grannies

It's up to your children to decide if they do or don't want children and whom they want to tell about their progress, especially if it involves medical intervention. If a DIL doesn't want to tell you about her IVF but will confide in her own family, so be it. Clearly jayne's son had his wife to talk to and men tend not to talk about such personal matters. If Jayne hasn't talked about it to her DIL how is she to know it's the DIL's problem? Often it's a combination of incompatability on both sides eg irregular periods + low sperm count. I agree with Pamega it's not appropriate for parents to ask their children about their plans for children.

etheltbags1 I think you should find something else to joke about.

Alea, your views are very similar to mine and I do agree that this is not the first (nor no doubt the last) post in this vein. Family relationships are so delicate and knowing when to keep one's own council and stand well back is so important. Our children need to be the parents (or not) they want to be and its our job to let them discover that for themselves.
If its any comfort it does all generally work out well in the end ....as a newly pregnant Mum to be decades ago I can so very clearly remember a conversation I had with my darling Mum that must have wounded her at the time but she never said a word.
I think I said something along the lines of....'Mum please don't feel you can just step in whenever you feel like it...I really want to do this myself!!!! All said with the complete arrogance of youth. Little did I know that in a few months time I was going to be desperate for her help with support and childcare when my Ist husband took to the hills never to return.
Thankfully she just smiled sweetly (and wisely) and was there when I needed her without a touch of 'I told you so'.

I wouldn't ask, however now that Im granny (which I love being), I often say, in a joking manner, 'It would be nice to have a little sister or brother for S...' My DD just groans and says 'No' very firmly, she is determined that one is enough

Is this a case of putting the cart before the horse?
It may seem odd, given that this is GRANSnet, but the focus should surely be on the couple and whether or not they want or are able to have children. Being a grandparent is a privilege and I would lie down in front of a bus for my DGC but, and this is a big but, we have no rights over what our children decide. If I am being honest, I think many family tensions arise from the perceived role of the grandparent((usually, but not exclusively grandma)
I hope OP is not obsessing about whether or not she will ever be a granny, for that is a worrying prospect. We have seen on other threads, members moaning because they are not allowed to babysit their grandchild, members who moan about a DIL (usually) whose only virtue was giving birth to to their grandchild, members who believe their DIL/SILs are jealous of the love their the DGC have for the GPs. Not a happy balance. Be happy if your childen are happy and respect their decision.
Just as some women find their role as mother entirely absorbing and their principal raison d'être, I suspect this can get passed on to being a grandma. A woman is surely more than a wife/mother/grandmother .

Grandchildren are like buses - you wait forever and then lots turn up. I was 61 when our first grandchild was born and was beginning to think it would never happen. Now at 69 I have three grandchildren by different sons and daughters-in-law and more on the horizon. Couples are waiting much longer to have families these days but sadly this isn't always such a good idea. My dh passed away 4 years ago and my son's mil a few months later, so the children have been deprived of two grandparents in one case, and one in another.

Don't ask them! I found it incredibly annoying when either direct or veiled references were made to us about not having children in the 6 years after we married.

I think it would be all right if you were having a general conversation about the way life is going. Is she hoping for promotion at work, are they happy where they are or are they thinking about moving in the future? A mention of children could fit in quite naturally as long as it was from their point of view, rather than a "When am I going to be a granny?" approach.
DD was married for 10 years before she had a baby and I had presumed it wasn't on the radar at all. Then she waited another 6 years before she had another. Lucky I wasn't in a rush

Some questions should never be asked - just much too personal and between the couple. Think, you are actually asking for too many details. Just be patient.

jingl There would be no "tact or diplomacy" involved.
No, I thought not
Only joking

Maybe they really aren't sure, and even if they think they know they may change their minds. At 29 I'd been married 5 years and thought I didn't want children DS1 was born when I was 31 and DS2 and 3 followed. Point is, if you ask and are told "No chance" you may be unnecessarily upset, best keep quiet. You could try planning something like a long holiday or moving house. Amazing how many times such plans are abandoned because a baby interrupts things!

Actually, thinking about it, sometimes you can have TMI. One of my DSs informed me that he had had 'the snip'. I'm not sure I really wanted to know that.

I became a granny unexpectedly when DS1's then girlfriend became pregnant. What could I do but take the situation in my stride even when their relationship broke down? That GD is now 24 and very dear to me. DS married a wonderful woman who juggles family and career brilliantly and gave me two more lovely GC. The other DS and his partner never spoke of their intentions, but reading between the lines I knew that they really wanted to have children, and they produced two GSs for me. I never asked the question but have a good relationship with all of them and was sure that they would raise it if there were problems. I regard the DiLs as the daughters I never had and love them dearly but I would have been mightily offended if my mother or MiL had asked me my intentions, so would never, ever, intrude on me DCs' private lives.

Don't feel sorry for us mothers of sons. I have a great relationship with DS and DIL and they are the parents of my only GC. A good relationship is vital with DIL, I have always told her how much she is loved and I cherish her as if I had given birth to her

(That was to Janeainsworth btw. But anyone can read it. )

ja I would just say to son, when dil wasn't present, "are you gonna have any kids then?" There would be no "tact or diplomacy" involved.

I probably wouldn't bring it up with my d-I-l, but certainly with my son.

Perhaps the time to have asked whether they had thought of offspring was before they got married/moved in together.

I have three children [compared with 1 each for my sisters], but when I suffered two miscarriages, my mother accused me of having no moral fibre - SHE hadn't had miscarriages, so how could I! I was appalled and our relationship was never the same after that...

Replying to the poster who feels sorry for mothers of sons who have children. My son has a child and my daughter is unlikely to have children. I get on extremely well with my daughter in law and she gets on better with me than her own mother, according to her, not me!

Depends on how open family is I talked openly with son and daughter and partners so knew they both wanted them but didn't keep asking them they both knew they all knew they could discuss things if they wanted and did we have 4gcs now we are very lucky ??

I have three good friends who are all waiting to become grandmothers and each one reacts differently. One is helping her DD through infertility treatment and although they have been unlucky so far, everyone remains very upbeat and positive. Another friend has no idea whether her DiL wants children and wouldn't dare ask. The last friend's daughter is in a relatioship with another woman but still tells her DM she wants children and her DM supports her and they talk about the practicalities. Thinking about it, it is the one in the middle doesn't know what is going on who finds it hardest to cope, so somehow I think I would find a way to open a conversation on the subject to stop beating yourself up and living in limbo.

I don't know why anyone finds it hard to understand why young couples don't always want to discuss fertility problems with their parents or parents in law.
The intimate part of a relationship is just that, intimate. Trying for a baby, that awful phrase, involves something much more personal than trying to get a new job or trying to get on the housing ladder. And if for some reason they're not having any success, the last thing they need is parents or in laws asking if there's 'any news yet' or if someone's feeling a bit off colour suggesting that there might be a happy announcement to follow..
Believe me I know I've been there. ..
We don't have any right to be grandparents and we certainly don't have any right to pry into the private lives of our children's relationships. I don't suppose we'd take it kindly if they asked us whether we still have a sex life at our age or if we have any difficulties!!

My daughter was single until her mid 40s,and always said she didn't want children Then she met a lovely man fell in love and married him.They tried for a baby but no luck and DD is to old now. She is sad and I am sad for her.

People change their minds anyway. Neither my husband or I wanted kids when we got married but suddenly we did, we had two and wanted more but it didn't happen. Never regretted it ( well not very often, haha). Good luck X