"Modern mums have lost the plot"

I must say I managed much better when I stopped listening to the 'health advisor'. She didn't pick up on my son's milk allergy and it was only when a friend recommended SMA that, at 4 months old, he was comfortable and able to sleep. By then I didn't care much which way he was laying. He loved being in any pram. Perhaps that's why he's now a 'petrol head'.
My beef with modern mothers is not their bulky pushchairs on buses. It's that they allow their toddlers to SCREAM.

Modern mums have not lost the plot. They are well informed and the majority work hard - i know as I am babysitting my GC right now whilst mum and dad are out working. I raised mine very young in the early 1980s, not particularly well informed and also lucky enough not to have to work. I have the upmost respect in the way my delighful grandchildren are loved and raised whilst both parents work incredibly hard in and out of the home for their benefit. Cut modern mums some slack - they are doing a marvellous job within the pressures of our modern life, even if they do have larger than life buggies!!

From a very early age (less than a month old) DS2 liked to sleep under a blanket. If anyone lifted the cover to expose his face, he would scream and scream till covered again. Rather like a parrot in a cage.... Feet were always on show though. He didn't seem to mind that. Needless to say this mode of sleeping went against all contemporary advice, but he was adamant in the way that small babies can be.

I never took my buggy on a bus I walked.

I think they have lost the plot. My 2 1/4yr old GS is still on formula milk......because it has all the nutrients he needs. He is asked what he wants to eat, then changes his mind, several times. He is constantly fed snacks throughout the day. Does not yet drink or be encouraged to drink, from a cup. Is allowed to walk around eating whatever he likes. If he wants to do or have something, he is allowed to do so.......because he is so sweet.......it's nearly driving me nuts. The tension in my house is electric because I want to explode at my son and DIL, who are expecting their 2nd child in September. I could go on but........and don't mention getting him to sleep. Aaaaahhhhhhhggggrrrrr.

When they have another child to look after they will learn pretty fast. Unfortunately, it will be a shock to big brother when he finds that he is no longer the little emperor but has to share.with a littler one who is even more sweet. That is how childhood resentments are formed - it seems to them that everything has been taken from them by this interloper.

No, they have not lost the plot. One or two may have but most of them do a pretty good job. They have very different lives and problems these days. Many new Mums have very little experience of babies and young children as the families they grow up in are smaller and they often have no families close by. They are bombarded with so much advice much of it contradictory. I think most of them muddle through and find their own way just like most of us did.

I don't agree with the article at all. Being a new mum is difficult enough without the constant criticism from self-appointed know-it-alls. No-one really knows the "right" way to care for a child - it is all just opinion, and what works for one person may not be right for someone else. Also, professional advice changes all the time.

I swaddled my babies and laid them on their sides, because that was what the midwives and health visitors told me to do, but now that there is evidence that babies are safer sleeping on their backs, I think it would be very foolish to ignore it. I ended up having to bottle-feed my first baby and the whole experience put me off breast-feeding so much that I didn't even attempt it for my second. However, I would still agree that breast is best, if possible, and I was glad that both my daughters were able to feed their babies this way. I think the main thing is that, whatever the method used, mothers should be supported for trying to do their best for their baby.

I think you have to have some sort of vague routine when you've got very small children, as it just makes life easier, but I don't like strict regimes. A baby is a person, not a robot. I also think babies should sleep in their parents' room for at least the first six months, for safety, and I support the idea of co-sleeping for as long as the parents and the child want. I also hate the idea of "controlled crying", as it seems to me that it is really just "crying." I share the opinion of the late Claire Rayner who said that, by not responding to a baby's cries, the only training you've given them is that you've trained them to cry and be afraid.

But...that's my way and I realise that other people may feel very differently. I wouldn't denigrate a mother for doing her best, even if I didn't agree with her. What I really object to is the idea put forward by the Gina Fords of this world, the Baby Whisperers and Super Nannies, etc, that babies are manipulative and must be trained to recognise that they aren't the centre of the world. What utter rubbish.

For a start, a tiny baby truly is the centre of its world. It knows nothing of the existence of anything beyond itself. It doesn't even know its mother is a separate being. Of course it is egocentric - what else could it be? Gradually it will learn that others exist and that, even if its needs aren't immediately met, it will be ok. However, you can't force that development, and it doesn't mean that a child whose needs are met will grow up to be an egotist. It also worries me when I read posts from mums who have picked up the idea that their babies are trying to "manipulate" them, e.g. into picking them up when they cry. That's not manipulation, that's what they do to survive!

My dd had her first (and probably only) child at 40 after several years of gynae problems which had us all convinced she would never have children. She was overjoyed at this minor 'miracle' but became quickly anxious as our granddaughter has a dairy allergy which meant she constantly threw up formula and was frequently distressed, until the allergy was diagnosed. Then the fun really started with a trial and error regime of what could be eaten safely. All the child -rearing books my dd eagerly bought when pregnant, were thrown out the window. Also because of the danger of choking on her vomit, my dd dare not leave her in her own very pretty little Peppa Pig bedroom but took her into her own bed where, 2 years later despite many attempts to reverse this, our granddaughter still sleeps. Dgd is constantly ill with a cycle of virus, infection, anti-biotic, won't eat, won't sleep so is ill again. As grandparents we think our granddaughter is delightful, intelligent and beautiful and yes, a lovable tin god'ess'. As parents we are worried about our dd. Sorry for long post but any advice or experience on how I can effectively support dd (words just don't seem enough and we live a fair distance away), or on building up children with allergies, would be gratefully received.

One of the most sensible posts on here Bluecat, particularly your last paragraph.

Bothiegran the fact that your daughter-in-law has lost the plot doesn't mean it is a universal fact to be applied to all modern mums

I have 5 grandchildren, two currently babies. The first thing I insisted on when looking after them was a sensible, lightweight buggy. We live on a hill, ok going downwards but...... I need to stop off for a coffee to give me the energy to get back uphill and can't be doing with negotiating those huge (eyewateringly heavy) things they all have these days. Systems I think they are called. However did I manage with my own two? One was aged 13 months when the other came along. Two McLarren buggies fastened together. I used to get on a bus to Brent Cross shopping centre with the babies and thought nothing of it.
A thousand pounds for a 'system ' indeed. They go everywhere in cars anyway. My little ones love being pushed to the park, it's quite unusual for them.

I have a feeling the ever since homo sapiens came out of the African forests, each generation has had its own opinions on child rearing, the big difference being the great diversity of choice available. Young mums have no more lost the plot than we did. The children will turn out quite normal, just as they did, just as we did.

Well said Bluecat

That is my fear Elegran. He has been able to get away with everything, but Mum won't have time when no 2 comes along. At least he is in Nursery 4 days a week currently, so he has some routine, it just all goes pear shaped at the weekend.

When I had my dd the advice was to lay the baby on its front which is what I did.she was born in high summer and when I took her out in the pram an old lady said 'are you cooking her for your dinner?'she was so hot,I'd swaddled her and covered her in blankets!iI used a sling when I went on the bus, have you ever tried having a 6 month old in a sling and 5 bags of shopping and more than a mile to walk home?even on the bus it was no fun.
I remember so much opposing advice, I didn't know what to do to be right.
Thankfully she survived but that was in spite of all my mistakes.

Not so sure about turning out 'quite normal ' though annodomini more like turning out quite spoilt in a lot of cases.

roses, there have always been spoilt children. I knew a few when I was a child myself.

Yes, a FEW, of course, but now there seem to be a great deal about the place.

Refreshingly honest, Caroline123.

Just popping back to give a bit of support to those who don't feel young mothers have lost the plot and are raising children who are being spoilt

Honestly, give them a break. We did our best and that's what this generation is doing. My parents used to talk about being lucky because neither of them had been hit with the straps / belts that most fathers hung on the back door when they were growing up. Dad often laughed about one of their neighbours who'd shout at her little lad "get here while I hit yer" - of course the child ran the other way. There have always been poor parents, selfish people etc but most of do love our children and stagger on, doing the best we can.

My DS and DIL are much stricter than I was, and my friend's daughter has already told her that she won't be as 'soft as you were' when she has children. So not all children are spoilt nowadays. (I don't think mine were spoilt just raised with what has been described as 'benevolent neglect'!)

I feel sorry for parents these days. All this business with smart phones and the internet and pornographic photos being sent around. Of course this doesn't affect babies but I hate to see 2 yearolds with an Ipad. I think that you should keep to development as nature intended it for as long as possible.

My last baby refused to sleep on her back. She liked to sleep upright in a sling round her father's shoulders. Prams and beds and chairs are not natural after all.
What mothers have to do today is what we did and our mothers did. We did our best for our children. Mothers are not perfect.

Not sure I agree about the iPad, our little 3 year old DGS enjoys the BBC games on them, and learns at the same time, about shapes and numbers.It's just another tool after all.

I prefer him to do this ( when with us) than watch tv, but we still do cutting and sticking, drawing etc as well.