Well it made me laugh .....

"Three Toronto surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.
One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Ontario.
In my favourite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident;
I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.
The second surgeon said. "That's nothing.
A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident;
I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold Medal in track and field events in the Olympics.
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs”.
Several years ago a man was high on cocaine and marijuana and he rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour.
All I had left to work with was the man's blonde hair and the horse's ass.
I was able to put them together and now he's running for President of the U.S.A!"
Of course this may offend horse lovers Donald J Trump supporters <ducks>

well it made me laugh too :0)

Loved the MEP one Alea and all of the others.

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BTW the airline in your second joke is AER Lingus. We Irish have our own unique spelling system!

I didn't take offense at that joke, you will be pleased to hear! ???

On a cold winter morning, wife texts husband:
"WINDOWS FROZEN, WON'T OPEN"
Husband texts back:
“POUR SOME LUKEWARM WATER OVER IT AND TAP
GENTLY ALONG THE EDGES WITH A HAMMER"

Five minutes later wife texts husband:
"COMPUTER REALLY SCREWED NOW"

Alea it made me laugh so much I had tears running down my legs

Great stuff. Has me laughing before breakfast!

Chuckle McChuckle

A friend is proving a wonderful source of funnies, and as they say, the old ones are the best ones.

This one too
"As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man.
He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Nova Scotia back country.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.
There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.
I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends.
I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together
When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head was hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say:
"I never seen anything like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

Have heard it before, but it's still a good joke and makes me smile.

I like them all.

Alea . Have just told DH the joke and the tears are rolling down our cheeks, absolutely brilliant.

Messy Elderly Person?

Still laughing

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lol
Still chuckling!

Well, unless any of our grans is a MEP, Alea, nobody here should take offence at this joke.

Still chuckling Alea!

Whew! At least one person who agrees with me

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How many cows ?

A farmer named Sam was overseeing his livestock in a remote hilly pasture in Hereford when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Paul Smith® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the farmer, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
Sam looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing animals and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany ...
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL®
database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-colour, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the Farmer and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"The number is right.. Well, I guess you can take one of my beasts," says Sam.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the back of his car.
Then Sam says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my animal?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Member of the European Parliament", says Sam.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered Sam. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of pounds worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a flock of sheep.

Now give me back my dog.

The OP's joke would have been just as funny (or not, depending on individual tastes) if Nicola Sturgeon had simply been mentioned by name. Four hate figures across the spectrum would have been sufficient in themselves.

The punchline to the OP's 'joke' is an offensive insult. Regardless of any name being mentioned, it is still offensive.
I guess Alea is being truthful in saying it made her laugh. Oh well.

Ha ha. I thought they were both funny!

Alea you know how sweet and lovely your own bitch is, so it probably was an inappropriate word to repeat!