Absolutely done in!

I remember having around six ten/eleven year olds to DS2s birthday party. Big mistake! Friends had warned me, but to no avail. Never again!

Yes sometimes there are too many choices for children, I don't think it helps them and sets parents up for a battle that doesn't need to happen. One of my daughters has a good strategy, "what would you like for tea, here are your options....". Basically it's this or that, like it or lump it job done! We had the whole family (19 of us including 8 children) here yesterday to celebrate the old boy's 70th. We all went out for lunch, the children (6-13) were brilliant and I was bursting with granny pride, but I had to work b****y hard on crowd control when we got back to ours, meanwhile their parents relaxed and enjoyed each other's company....
for all loving but slightly frazzled grandparents

They may get the option of fishfingers or sausages. Or I may have a shepherd's pie ready to go into the oven.
There is little negotiation.

Hear, hear! Luckygirl - 'just don't ask' - I've noticed I often agree with your comments!

I do agree with that. Sometimes I hear my children asking the GC what they would like, or shall we do this or that, and I think: just don't ask!

NanKate - yes, all that 'what would you like for tea?' stuff really annoys me, especially as it takes the little dears ages to decide and when they get it they don't want it. Sorry - I'm fed up with this rotten Easter weather!

I think kids like boundaries it gives them something to push against but to also feel secure in, mind you it has to start from day 1 , they are gorgeous , amazing but wily wee souls.

We think some of the tantrums with our GSs especially the eldest stems from all the choice they are given at meals. I never had a choice and we all ate what we were given, maybe not all of it but there weren't alternatives.

I am an unashamed permissive grandmother. I trust my children to deal with their young'uns, unless asked for advice (sometimes I am!) I just enjoy my amazing grandkids who never fail to amuse, delight and, yes, exhaust me. I tell them that Nanni's rules apply in our house - but they know that anyone breaking the rules will always be loved and forgiven in the usual way...

Luckygirl never a truer word !!

Reasoning and wheedling in our house are referred to as negotiations with terrorist .

There mums and dads can't seem to see that you can't negotiate with 4 year olds :-)

Refreshing and honest thread. Actually feel a little 'normal' for a change.

I used to feel guilty that I didn't absolutely look forward to having the DGC but since reading this I realise I am in the majority. Like others, I find it exhausting too. DH and I insist on a certain standard of behaviour but, by golly, it sure wears you out achieving that standard!

and at 4.5 she seems to be perfecting the very grownup cutting remark
(I have to walk away to compose my face so that she doesn't know I am laughing)

marionk it was a mildish terrible twos and a raging thunderous threes before the dreaded No
She is so sweet and amenable most of the time.

How lucky are the GPs who's DGC waited until 4 for the dreaded NOoooo. Our DGD had it by 2.5 and uses it to great effect on her parents, not quite as effective on me!

DGC and the dogs all know that when I say 'No' that's precisely what I mean and whatever is going on stops there.

See my post. Older grans babysitting.

I think we all agree that looking after our little treasures is exhausting, tiring, stressful, but also can be very rewarding.

How we handle them is down to each individual, but I have picked up some valuable advice from reading these posts.

I am reassured that others feel the same as I do.
But on the other hand, we don't want to feel we are being taken for granted and used. Thanks all.

tiggypiro, I have a friend with five GS roughly the same age as your five, and she has them all to stay every school holiday (currently three weeks for Easter as they are at private schools with shorter terms). Her two daughters and their husbands call to see them some (not all) evenings, when she more often than not cooks for them all. I have no idea how she does it, but know I couldn't - and she's ten years older than me!

It is not a problem when parents not around - Grandma rules! - and it is relatively peaceful. It is when their own parents are around and you feel duty bound to play by their rules even when you do not agree with them. Clearly the practical rules about what is allowed and what is not (e.g. jumping on the sofas) hold good; but the methods of discipline and achieving adherence to those rules differ. A firm No from me; but half an hour of reasoning and wheedling seems to be the fashion. Sigh. Yawn even!

Our 2 year old DGD has begun the testing us out stage, everything has to be as she want it or she waves her arms about in frantic fashion and whines. She's is largely non-verbal although understands EVERYTHING said to her.

Luckily she is disciplined at home in the same way we do here ... removal from the room till she behaves, usually less than half a minute.
So far we've only done it once and the very threat of doing it again is enough to stop her in her tracks!

I wish she would decide to speak, it would make things so much easier for us all.

Day 1 of DGC stay is usually ok. Day 2 they begin to fight and meltdown.
It always seems to take a while for us to realise what's happening so Day 2 is usually fraught and at some stage DH always says he's not having them again.
Then I come round and 'Mamma's house, Mamma's rules' comes into action. Thereafter no problems. I come down hard and fast - no prisoners - toy removed (if that's the argument) and separate rooms until they've thought the problem through(!)
If they hate me - tough This is 2 boys aged 12 and 10.

I am in fear of the next few days, first time our grandson will be staying with us on his own !!!!!

Agree absolutely, tiggypiro - Granny's house, Granny's rules. However, this is not too difficult to enforce because I look after the grandchildren so much of the time and for the most part my children and their partners all sing from the same hymn sheet as OH and me. I agree totally, though, that it is so exhausting - I am fit for nothing by the time the GCs are back with their parents. I don't feel my children take advantage, but I don't think either that they realise how tiring it is to look after small children at our age. The menopause exists for a good reason!

Luckygirl I can identify with what you say. Our grandchildren usually behave very well when they are with us, but when Mummy is around they tend to be an absolute pain - fighting, jumping around, shouting etc. Mummy is lovely, but she is very laid back and just seems to switch off when all this mayhem is going on.

Too right tiggy or else you won't survive!