Is it fair, on this website...

imp there's no need justify setting up the bereavement forum. It's a sad inditement on today's world that death and all its ramifications are ignored and smoothed over in real life, I think we would all find living with bereavement more manageable if it were not so.
As for the bf spoiling others joy on special days... happiness and sadness have to sit side by side in real life, albeit somewhat uneasily at times, so why should it be any different on gnet?
This morning in the little town where I live one granny will be rejoicing in the christening of her baby grandson, while another will have an aching heart for the daughter who lost a little boy 3 years ago. A young mum will be weeping for her mother who died suddenly last week, meanwhile trying to smile at the card from her preschooler, another mum will be so sad that her husband isn't there this year to chivvy the children to do breakfast in bed.
Me? I'm remembering my mum, who wasn't the easiest to please, while enjoying greetings from my children, but all the while with a tear in my eye for the daughter who would be a lovely mum if only she had that opportunity.
Bereaved folk sometimes avoid social situations to avoid spoiling others enjoyment, aware others may find their overwhelming grief hard to see, wanting to avoid being the "spectre at the feast".
Let's try to keep gnet a place where all can feel welcome and accepted in happy and sad times.
to you imp and all who have a sad heart today for whatever reason. X

A response to my post way back. I am very happy to have a bereavement subject heading and for those still grieving deeply to be drawn together when those occasions that highlight their loss take place, like Mothers Day.

What I dislike are the 'its all right for you' messages on threads being happy for a happy day or a happy event. OP would, rightly, be very upset if messages were posted on any Bereavement thread, saying 'cheer-up life could be worse'.

Like most families, mine has suffered its tragedies and untimely deaths, but I would never ever, rain on someone else's parade just because mine had had to be cancelled.

Absolutely Monica, I agree, it does cut both ways.

I think many people hesitate to say how happy they are, how lovely GC visits are, etc. because these type of posts might seem insensitive to others and evidently can invite negative comments from those who are not in the same position. It really should be possible to celebrate the joys along the way too, without being made to feel guilty for them.

However, there is a slight suggestion in your post that there is a 'preciousness' about the bereavement forum: that there is some sort of intrinsic inequality whereby posters would not be allowed to post 'negatively' there, whereas bereaved people (among others) can 'bring the mood down' elsewhere.

I think there are several bereaved people on GN that make beautiful, supportive, upbeat posts on ALL forums, including the bereavement forum where lots of posts are both humbling inspiring. Equally, there are others who frequently post with the deliberate aim to stir up things and hurt.

I simply find myself wondering why people cannot be kinder.

Me too Imperfect. But in real life I know no-one who is not kind, so it may be the freedom of the internet that causes this.

No sense of preciousness about my attitude to the bereavement forum. I have contributed to it myself.

And just who on here are you calling "unkind" Luckgirl. Dis that is one thing I am definitely NOT. I'm no bloody Angel but unkind I'm not. Never have been, never will be. Can you say the same? I wonder.

??

Yeah, of course you've got to put your oar in, haven't you madam. Love to put an appropriate emoti up for you but it would only get deleted.

I've had enough now.

This thread has been taken completely the wrong way by posters who just enjoy putting the boot in.

MOnica I wasn't suggesting that YOU are 'precious' in your attitude - just confused as to why you should state the obvious that I (or indeed anyone) would be upset if negative comments were made on the bereavement forum and that seemed to suggest that perhaps it ought to be 'fair game' as elsewhere on GN.
Sigh - posting does have limitations ... no offence intended ... just confused!

Tell us the right way it should be taken. The fact that so many have responded in defence of the bereavement forum means that they have interpreted it in one way - and it would seem from your post that this was not what you intended. Maybe you could explain how it should be taken to end the confusion.

As explaining myself just causes more problems I will obey that well known saying 'If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging'

jingls you have posted a confusing OP and now you are taking the hump because you feel others have taken it the wrong way.

I, for one, have no idea how it should have been taken and wonder why you so often introduce confusion and squabbling into everything.

Nothing confusing in the OP. Not to anyone with half a brain.

And it's not me who introduces the unpleasantness. It's the usual bunch. And if that includes you Farnorth, well, so be it.

"So many"!!! About fifteen I make it! Out of how many GNrs? And it's the usual ones.

"ones" was the polite version there btw.

Your OP does not mention the bereavement forum, other posters did that and you have not confirmed if they are correct in their assumption.
If your OP is not about that then what is it about and in what way should it be taken?
Those are straightforward questions, as well as I could manage with my less than half a brain, and I'd be interested in the answers.

Farnorth ( and I am ! )

Madam ? I wish ?

OP nothing to do with Bereavement forum. I just agreed with Ana that we didn't need one.

I was fed up with misery having to be introduced to everything, including Mothers Day. It seems no one's allowed to just be happy on here anymore.

If I was horribly bereaved the last place I would want to discuss it is on Gransnet. Can't understand It TBH.

Manage to get your poor little brains round it now?

??? Aunty Jings

Can't we just be allowed to be happy?

well it seems to have served its purpose ... not.

Totally now.

Hello granjura. Fancy seeing you here.