Whose responsibility is it to call?

It's usually DSs who phone us. The reason I don't phone them is that they lead such busy lives that I don't want to interrupt what free time they have with their families. Maybe your DPs feel the same? However, we do a lot of texting - just about little things: what DGC have been doing, TV programmes we've watched, where DH and I have been for a day out etc.

It is mostly me who does the calling, and often when I do I get the remark 'thought you'd forgotten us? which annoys me intensely, particularly from friends. I'm the one still working full time and they are mostly retired!!

I see your point Badenkate, but if they just leave a missed call on our phones then we'd call back. It just seems they're not bothered about us or their grandchildren.

What Badenkate said.
DD works odd ours so I never know when she's free.

My sister did not ring Mum as often as Mum wanted. One day when Mum answered the phone she said "I'm glad your arm is better". My sister was puzzled. Mum then said "I thought you must have broken it and weren't able to pick up the phone". Ooer. Never want to become like that!

It is very difficult, isn't it cinnamonstix. Often what DGPs don't want is to appear 'needy'. So you try not to intrude on busy lives, and then you maybe overdo the 'not intruding bit' and then seem not to be interested.

With DD, we generally chat on a Saturday p.m. and it is whoever gets there first. DS1 - gain equal, but always me for DD2 - unless he wants to ask to come over unexpectedly. Never been an issue with any of us though.

My mother would answer the phone with, 'Hello, stranger' even if I'd seen her just a couple of days before. It infuriated me because she would often say it in front of other family members who did nothing for her.

A little voice inside me would tell me to smile sweetly and put myself in a good light.....It never worked.

Thanks to facebook that's not going to happen with my family. We're in touch every day one way or another.

I'm the caller but I don't like doing it. I worry I'm interfering with family time when I call DDs and, (guilt trip time), I don't phone my mum as often as I should.

DD and DS 1 when they need £ !!!
DS 2 checks up fairly often, as does DDIL ?

MIL thought it was our responsibility to phone her; she rarely phoned us. I phoned her at least once a week but DH would try to get out of phoning because we got a lengthy discourse on the buses, the neighbours, the refuse collection etc.

My mum and I and my nan and I took it in turns . It was very important to them to have the call on a set night and a set time , and although sometimes that was a pain for me I know what it meant to them.

My husband on the other hand had to phone his mum every day because she would do the whole 'Hello Stranger' and 'I thought you forgot about me' if he missed even one. We even had to do it from America when we were on holiday - something my Mum and Nan would never have expected.

I do find that men are much worse at keeping in tough generally with their family. My husband often says we haven't heard from this or that cousin on his side for months( or years) but he doesn't call them so.....??

I on the other hand regularly speak to all my family, they call me and I call them. I send all the cards and thank you notes and generally even make arrangements to meet up. Left to his own devices DH would just become one with the sofa !!!

Seen this from both ends of the scale. One son keeps in touch by messenger or text and we meet up several times a year - we're 2.5 hours apart. If he's up this way he will call in although that's not very often. Other one is in NZ and will occasionally send a photo and Skype but I never ring either of them as I know how busy they both are. When our parents were alive mine lived literally on the other side of the road but we only saw them once or twice a week although mum would ring me every day for some reason or other. My in laws were an hour away and I would probably be the one to remind husband he'd not spoken to them in a while - his mum did ring us though just to check in.It's difficult when you're busy working and time just whizzes by.

We don't do much calling at all. It's texts all the way, and occasionally emails with attachments. We see each other often though, so it's not an issue. On the other hand, my sister and I only meet up every few months, so we talk on the phone regularly, for at least 2 hours at a time - the one who has some news is the one to ring. When our parents were alive, we always called them.

For 10 years my DH worked in Europe, leaving home at 5 am on Monday and arriving back between 10 pm and midnight Friday evenings (depending on the flights arriving at Heathrow and then the train journey home).

Every Saturday morning as the 9 am pips sounded on Radio 4 the house phone would ring and I would answer it. "Is DS1 there?" my MIL would ask. (No good morning, how are you etc.) Polite requests to phone later in the day were completely ignored and she would never phone me during the week with whatever her latest demand was - fix the washing machine, or the car etc. I hated this behaviour as I felt I had to tell my DH whatever jobs he needed to do over the weekend as soon as he walked through the front door when he was exhausted. MIL never understood the amount of travelling he had to do and he worked 12 hour days Monday to Friday every week.

So DD phones us regularly and we phone her too but no fixed times. We use emails and texts too.

A bit of both, they call us, we call them.Better if they call though, we don't want to call when they are busy as others have said, and we message each other on the iPad.I also email them.

My OH never rang his parents when they were alive - I started of trying to "encourage" him to do so, but gave up in the end - his family, his decision.

I don't phone as they are very busy. I email usually to keep them up to date and that we are alive. I used to go out for a meal on a Sunday night and as I reached the door would say to DH phone your mother or were not going out and there's nothing to eat in the house. He did and it got me out of phoning her as she was difficult.

I wait until DD calls me as she home schools, and I'm always afraid of disturbing lessons. DS lives nearby and I see him at least twice a week.

Plenty of texts as they are less intrusive. Phone calls as well, no problem. If I'm feeling really down I don't phone son or daughter as I don't want to worry them.

I rarely phone my children as they are all terribly busy with work schedules (they and partners are ALL self employed) and their children, especially DDs1 & 3. So We mainly text and Whatsapp with photos and videos. It means everyone can pick these up and respond when it suits them.

They tend to phone me when they want to talk. DDs 1 & 2 and DS all live 'across the water' and a phone chat is always a special treat. DD3 phones and texts when she needs help (frequently as she is a single parent). She lives close by. I hope we have a good relationship with them all.

FaceTime is great for chatting with the DGCs.

My mum's another 'hello stranger' although her favourite phrase was 'oh you are alive then!'. But that was before we had email and now we'll email back and forth according without too many expectations. The odd day or two gap is ok, more than that and sarcasm becomes the order of the day.

My son (or DIL) will text or message if something is needed. They never call just for a chat or to keep in touch. I tend to text or message to keep in touch because it's easier, not so intrusive. It feels a bit one-sided but what can you do? Like many here I don't want to be demanding but it would be nice to be remembered for myself, not just my babysitting abilities.

This is a big bone of contention in our house and has been particularly this week. DH never phones anyone except his sister but only then because he knows he doesn't have to make conversation - you can't get a word in so you just sit and listen!! He manages to leave difficult conversations, such as talking things through with his sister in law when his brother was ill, and then when he subsequently died, to me. "You always know the right thing to say". So, I rang my friend a couple of weeks ago and she told me she'd been poorly but was getting better and, no, there was no need to come over yet. We don't ring each other regularly but get together about once a month and she knows that if she needs me she only has to pick up the phone. Then she rang on Tuesday and has apparently been much worse. She still didn't want me to come over. After I came off the phone and related this conversation to DH, he tore me off a strip saying I don't phone my friend often enough, that I was exactly the same with my sister (who incidentally never phoned me!) and basically that I should make a bit more effort with my friend, considering she has been widowed for the past two years. I supported her rigorously when she truly needed it, but she is picking up,th threads again and I know she would not want me in her pocket. I have to say that I was deeply upset and reduced to tears (which I didn't let him see) which is not like me. I just felt it was such an unfair thing to say considering what he is like. I am still waiting for an apology but I don't suppose I will get one. Sorry. I've been trying to get this off my chest and had no-one to offload it onto. I hate the bloody phone anyway.

Greyduster and for your friend too

You were there when she needed you, and had she needed you to go to see her this time she would have asked, I'm sure.