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Slightly puzzled and a bit sad

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Imperfect27 Mon 29-Feb-16 07:26:16

Bother! Tried to post once already and lost it because I was trying to research a link about autism - however ...

It is sad that the parents did not pick up on your warmth and sensitivity towards them, but their reaction is very understandable. As Anya says, you don't know what previous experiences they have had.How lovely though, that the little boy was drawn to you.

What I failed to research was 'new thinking' about autistic children's reactions in social settings which suggests that far from being unable to read social situations in order to respond appropriately to them, autistic children are hyper-sensitive to emotional responses in others- to the point of being overwhelmed and it is that which causes them to withdraw.

The little boy seems to have recognised that you were naturally warm and welcoming. His parents are on their own steep learning curve with him - let's hope that over time they can relax more for him and for themsleves.

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Anya Mon 29-Feb-16 07:09:15

Not everyone is as understanding as you, and your family, obviously were Absent - sadly their previous experiences have made them wary and apologetic sad

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Alea Mon 29-Feb-16 06:48:26

That makes me sad too. How nice it would have been if his parents could have struck up a conversation with you and formed a "group"to play on the beach as you might with an aunt or other family friend. The way to encourage communication is surely not to pull the child out of every social situation in case it is "unsuitable" but to encourage friendliness in a controlled manner. sad

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absent Mon 29-Feb-16 06:34:39

Fridays are what my three-year-old grandson calls his "big day with Granna". Last Friday was very hot and, instead of going to the local swimming pool (our default activity), we went to the beach – grandson, Gramps, Mr absent (who drove), and me. It was delightful.

Grandson and I were standing in the shallows, holding hands jumping over the waves as the tide came in, falling over and laughing, when a boy who had been splashing at the edge of the ocean, watched by his daddy, walked over, took my hand and started jumping too. He was quite a bit bigger than my grandson and wearing a nappy, but I wasn't sure whether perhaps there were"issues" or he was just one of those kids who grows very tall and everyone thinks that they are much older than they really are. Dad came over and took him back to where he had been playing, jumping and clapping his hands before.

Not long later, he came over and threw his arms around me. Dad seemed pretty horrified, dislodged the little boy and apologised profusely. I didn't have a problem and told him so. A little while later Mum approached me and apologised again, telling me that her son was autistic.

It was clear to me that the little boy was different, but he was gentle, delightful, friendly, charming and wanted to play with us. I had absolutely no problem at all, except I was very surprised that he seemed attracted to a (or two) strangers. Maybe my grandson reminded him of a friend maybe I reminded him of a trusted adult, even his own grandmother, or maybe, at that moment, he just wanted to hold hands and jump about in the ocean.

I feel so distressed about these parents who feel that they had to apologise for their son. I tried to make it clear that I wasn't at all disturbed and thought he was a delight, but they both backed off so quickly after making their apologies that they may not have even have heard me. For the record, my grandson was quite happy to welcome someone else holding my spare hand and play the jumping and swinging game with him.

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