sons wedding

I can't see how you can issue an invitation but make it clear you don't actually care whether they bother to attend it makes more sense just to not send an invite to people you don't want to come.

problem is her mother says she will cut off all communication with her unless she agrees

Who will be paying for the wedding reception?

Iam going half with her mother

Perhaps more discussion needed! At the end of the day it is the bride and groom's day and they should have their wishes.

Some weddings nowadays can be invite to church only. Might that be an idea?
Not sure whether to put or . I am both.

Elope!

It isn't possible. They need to stand firm against her mother and call her bluff.

Very controlling, just like D MiL who despite the fact DH and I and D's grandmother paid for everything insisted that we give her the invites for her side so that she could write them and get replies sent to her we couldn't do anything as she refused to give her son peoples contact details.
The invite but not an invite won't work. Can the bride not contact the people her mum wants to invite and explain her and the grooms point of view.

I assume then the the brides Mother may withdraw her contribution if she doesn't get her way? I'd call her bluff too.

Send the invites out so late that people can't get organised in time

My SIL 's mother said she had 200 must- haves!!! I still remember feeling a bit gobsmacked. The venue chosen(nothing to do with us) only took 120. I've got a very clever SIL who understands strategy and diplomacy . OP Perhaps you can harness your son's charm?

Thank you all, They think they are going to talk to the venue and++ make sure there isn't enough room. The idea of sending out late invites is good to. so sad thire day has been ruined, my ex husband had already done that to demanding the his new girlfriend came.

If I were you sandye I would rise above these other demanding parents and let the couple work things out for themselves . If you have any input on those kind of decisions I fear down the line you could be seen to have had an influence on the decisions they make. So listen, but keep your innermost thoughts to yourself. These things have a way of working themselves out.

I would be concerned that this couple are starting out married life having given in to what in my book is emotional blackmail. What next?

obieone has offered a good compromise solution in my view: invites all round to the church and selected close family/friends to celebrate afterwards.

Not that I am religious, but a local vicar once commented, a wedding is for the family and friends. Marriage is for the couple.

I am going to a wedding later this year, and the bride has confided that she is dreading it. It is a large scale affair which has escalated in numbers to pacify the parents on both sides of the family. She would prefer the complete opposite.

I say stand firm and tough it out.

If she is going half, then she/her son gets half the guest list and you/your daughter get the other half. That's only fair. Numbers wise the venue is your only hope! If she is determined to have more people perhaps she could throw a party for 'her' side later on after the wedding itself. We have a DD getting married very soon and it is complicated by the fact the groom has been married before and his poor parents got landed with paying for most of it first time around. We are all chipping in - including the bride and groom and trying to keep numbers and costs down. The groom's parents are organising a drinks party for all their friends after the wedding - they have asked us and some of our friends too, which I think is very kind. (I don't think they were very keen on his first wife!). You really don't want to start a war at this stage.

Oops, don't know why I assumed it was a church wedding. I should have have just said ceremony.

I meant to say they are organising a party a few weeks after the wedding.

Lavande has sound advice.

Pedant/pet peeve alert!- Invite is a verb as in to invite. Invitation is a noun. You therefore cannot issue an 'invite'.
(Or you can but I'll think the worse of you! )

Weddings can be a minefield. I'm sure I'm not the only person who would say that a manipulative parent is the last thing you want throwing into the mix. I'm another one who would call her bluff! If she cuts off communication because she can't get her way, there will only be one loser. Let her know it. My son and his first wife only wanted a small wedding. They had four of their friends, four of her family, four of our family and that was it. Very comfortable for the bride who was not big on family gatherings. However, we held a party for wider friends and family in the evening. When he got married a second time we left it to them to decide who to invite, but it was an altogether bigger affair.

OK Jane10 but where I live, invite is a guest.

But you can't issue a guest either. You issue an invitation (noun) to a guest, or you invite (verb) a guest.

Your DS and future DIL will have to let her mother know (try nicely but firmly at first) exactly whose wedding it is.
If she has such a huge circle of friends and relatives, perhaps she could invite them to a buffet lunch at her house the next day