Perceptions

Obieone If the workplace is unhappy, because of these two not getting on, then as their boss, you owe it to the rest of the workforce to sort them out pdq.

Obviously I don't know what sort of workplace it is, but I would suggest you get each of them in for a 'conversation' about how you have noticed that their poor relationship seems to be souring the atmosphere, and see what comes out of that. It could be that you can unravel some miusunderstanding that has arisen.

It's not your business to make them be friends with each other - but it's your responsibility as their boss to make sure their behaviour towards each other is civil and doesn't act against the interests of the company or department or whatever it is, or make an uncomfortable atmosphere for their fellow workers.

I am their boss.
A couple of other people at work have been trying to sort it out too, but not with much success.
It used to be a happy workplace.

They are managing to do their jobs well enough just.
They are not managing to sort it out themselves.

I have a big conflict of interest.

I think there's a bit of a conflict between them being your friends, and it being your job to sort them out at work. That implies you have some seniority over them.

If that's the case and I haven't misunderstood, then you should deal with the situation as you would any other two people whom you were managing, butwhom you didn't regard as your own 'friends'.

If their not trusting each other and not getting on with each other is impacting on their performance at work, then deal with it as you would any other instance of under-performing in the workplace.

Blimey! - steer clear I say!

Can they do their jobs fine even though they do not get on? - if so I would just leave them to it.

If not then you may have to talk with them about the work failures (if it is your role to do so) and steer clear of direct involvement in their relationship. If the relationship problem comes up (from them) in the course of that job-related discussion, then it will have to be acknowledged and they will have to be asked to sort it out between themselves.

Even if you're their boss , you can't force them to change their perceptions sadly .

I dont have the choice not to try and sort it. They are friends at work, and it is my job to sort it.

Well , as person D I think you should refuse to be drawn on the whole thing and let A and B , and C ( who is stirring the pot maybe) sort it out for themselves.

You're worrying over something you truly can't influence .

Person C has told me that person A and B have both told C other stuff about each other. I am not sure if everything has come out of the wash or not at this point. Oh dear. Oh dear.

Good point jings. Equally, how can you be sure that you know everything there is to know about the relationship between them? There might well be something in their past that prompts them to be mistrustful of each other - this could be something you either know nothing about, or you do not have all the facts (though you may think you do).

Thankyou for your thoughtful post NanaandGrampy. Food for thought.

They definitely have got some wrong ideas about each other. It is 6 of one and half a dozen of the other in some repects.

B wont shoot the messenger, and wants it sorted. But ironically, B is probably in the most wrong as B has got het up in the first place about nothing much.
A has now got so mired in wrong perceptions as well that cant see wood for the trees any longer.

It is fine on the surface, as both of them are capable of burying their true feelings, until they talk to each other when sparks fly!

Very good point jingl.
Can you explain your second sentence more please? I think I myself may be in the wrong concerning that point.

I'm not sure how you can be sure that their perceptions of each other are wrong, and yours is right. People react to different people differently.

Tricky situation because if you try and insert yourself between them they could end up shooting the messenger.

In an ideal world the simplest thing would be to all sit down like grownups and discuss the situation but that isn't going to happen is it?

I guess the first thing is - do they want to fix this situation or dont they care/know? In that case there's maybe very little you can do because I think there must be a desire from them first.

Maybe you could discuss with each the reasons they feel how they do about each other and offer them an alternative point of view.

The trouble with perception is that YOU cant alter it. They have to do it.

Also are you sure they have the wrong idea about each other if everything on the surface is fine? In which case what is there to fix?

Sounds like a very complicated situation, but what a nice friend you are to care so much.

Good luck !!