Do we know ourselves?

I was really touched recently when my lovely step mum told me I was just like my mum, who died when I was thirteen and so wish I had known as an adult.

When I was doing GCSE psychology, the book said that we have several personas, .which we show in various situations. It's no wonder we don't know which is the real one. It's the only way to cope with life; you wouldn't be the same with a prospective boss as you would be with your friends! But if I'm ever asked to describe myself, I'm stuck. There's such a wide spectrum . From a gloomy introvert to a complete show off! (As you,'ve seen from my posts!)

GrannyPiggy, same here. Choices we make and don't regret but it is true that when you see yourself as something it can then be difficult when that something changes.

Just been through huge changes, retirement, house move, adult children,but looking forward now to rediscovering who I am.

Retirement brings huge changes. I think we are through the worst and ready to embrace this new stage of our lives.

Merlot I think the green. It's you. (bringing the outdoors, in)

I can honestly say I have no idea who I am at the moment
I have spent my entire adult life from my late teens looking after my DH and 3 children
Now the children are grown and it's mostly just me and DH and numerous livestock / pets I question myself constantly as to who I am and who I'd like to be
But the days continue to pass in the same way and I never deviate. I think I've become reclusive and a bit scared of the outside world
DH is happy though, he knows I'm always here !

I ended a poem about masks called 'Disguise' with:

'Now I'm disguised as an old lady*
But she's not me,
She's just what YOU see!'

*better pronounced 'laydee' I think.

I really do feel like that when I remember what I look like. I also, like some other posters, often feel as if I'm acting a part in a play. I'm happiest when I'm totally absorbed and oblivious of myself, maybe when I'm writing.

It doesn't help that our personalities are made up of so many parts. Others often see just a small part. No wonder sometimes we don't like their observations. We know there us so much more they could see, even if we aren't comfortable with it all.

Synonymous, after thinking about it I reckon you're right. What good does it do?

Probably best not to indulge in navel gazing!

Yesterday we were trying to decide which colour tiles to get for the kitchen - cream, sage green or pale grey. I showed DH the samples and he definitely said green, which is the colour I like as well.

An hour or so later DD called in so I asked her opinion. She was undecided so I said, 'Dad likes the green and so do I'

DH (the blighter) then changed his mind and said he preferred cream and finished his argument with, 'Not that it makes any difference what I think around here'

To which DD replied, 'That's very true, Dad'

I swallowed my indignation because she had a point!

The jury's still out on the tiles.

What puzzles me is why I think I really like someone but then decide I don't! I think it's a defence mechanism which I bring out f someone doesn't seem to like me anymore. Pathetic, really.

Jomarie & thebeeb: great to know you understand. I think some people haven't got the courage to go in for self examination, and sometimes it seems to me they aren't very observant about others either. I was in a group of people and found myself observing a stranger. I commented to a friend later that I thought this person was either depressed, or ill. She told me that he had a very overbearing wife!

O wad some Power the giftie gie us
To see oursels as ithers see us!

I have always known who I am. The bit that confuses me is how others perceive me.

I can definitely identify with both Jaxie and Thebeeb. I often wonder who I am really = so many people see me in so many ways and I don't think anyone actually gets me although some say they do - however, they don't!! I can't think of anyone I know who actually knows me, how can they when I still haven't worked it out for myself?

I met my husband when I was just 18 and was married at 21. We were together for nearly 50 years.

Since he passed away over 3 years ago, I'm finding it difficult to know who I am a lot of the time because my personality was so wrapped up in his.

I keep very busy and try to keep down thoughts such as "without him I'm nothing" and other negative thoughts.

I keep in mind that I am a nan, a mother and a friend and try to remember what I was like before I met my husband.

I think I was optimistic, sensitive, funny and warm hearted but 18 is very young and a personality isn't fully formed at that age.

I'll keep working on it.

I can identify with Jaxie and feel like I am acting a part in a play. A part that changes over the course of the day/week depending on who I am with.

Most of the time I don't think I really know if I am a nice person or not.

Complicated and confusing but sometimes lots of fun!!

I try to be kind to others, and keep out of the way of people who don't like me - I do "cold" very well, sadly...
It is also a case of perception - I think i'm shy, and socially inept, I'm told I come over as haughty, snobbish and overbearing. One lady horrified me when she told me that I was a "poweful woman" like her. Moi? powerful???
As for looking at myself, the faults more than override any probable virtues. I have to keep on telling myself I'm not stupid/nasty/whatever all the time.

70's the new 45. When I was young, retired people looked, thought and acted old, but now retiring in one's mid-60s, we've got up to half of one's life to that point ahead of us, so may as well think young! I always thought of myself as 45 going on 16, till I had a nasty fall and it triggered a number of health issues which made me aware of Anno Domini creeping on. But I'm lucky in that I look younger than my age, although MIL, at 84, has lovely skin, dark hair (albeit not altogether her own colour!), still independent, driving, living alone in her own house - dead envious!

I try very hard not to judge others, but its easier than looking at myself and my own defects !!! Overall I think I'm an OK person.I love and am loved back ,I'm honest, caring and helpful though did have to learn only to help when asked !! As long as I keep my focus on my behaviour and thoughts I can usually manage to stay on track..what other people think of me is none of my business ( thank goodness)

I'm amazing! and I call my silver hair 'wisdom highlights'. Oh, and I'm deluded too. ?

I've come late to the realisation that its more useful to judge people by what they do rather than what they say. When applied to me it looks like I'm a nosy, TV obsessed, wannabe good Gran. Oh well. Could be worse!

I am not sure that what others think of us truly tells us what we are like. I have a DiL who thinks I am the wicked witch of the west and another who thinks I am the best MiL in the world. They can't both be right.

If we truly knew ourselves we'd never get out of bed in the morning! I am a self- absorbed whinger! But with a nasty propensity to want to feel superior to others in at least one respect, then I can feel comfortable with them. I THINK some people like me, as I have often been told I make them laugh, and I'm unafraid of taking the pee out of myself. BUT I DON'T REALLY LIKE MYSELF MUCH. Most of the time I feel as if I'm acting in a play. Anyone else out there feel lime this?

I was mortified when the receptionist at my brothers care home asked if I was younger or older than he. I was 69 and he was 84. I was furious that she could be so tactless and be in a job where she should be helping people.
Two days later to join David Lloyd they insisted on seeing my licence to prove I was over 65!
That helped.
Now I do not mind how old I look as long as I can move about without pain and can do pretty much what I want. Which is to say walk to the shops, do a bit of weeding, see friends etc.
Mind you I am very pleased with my new hairdresser......