Lateness height of rudeness

I have a friend who is always late and always has an excuse for it. It drives me crazy. I sit outside her house in my car and wait and wait, my patience slowly going off parr. It happens every time, likewise when she picks me up (as we take it in turns) I know that she will never ever be at my house at the pre-arranged time.
It is in my opinion rude and selfish.
I was never late for work i was always sitting at my desk 20 mins before the start time.

I'm always too early and I hate it but I would hate being late even more! I often end up driving round the block or going into a shop I have no interest in just to kill time before I arrive

One of the advantages of being divorced from my husband is really that I do not have to cope with his lateness anymore. He has been late all his life, but what really topped it when he arrived one hour late for his son's wedding, and we had to keep everybody waiting. Fortunately the celebrant was very understanding - I definitely was not, just fuming and felt we should just get on with it. The other day he left his daughter waiting for four hours in Covent Garden, she spent a lot of money and was rather tipsy by the time he arrived. I cannot express how rude I consider it to be when people arrive late. 5/109 minutes I might just about understand but any longer shows a lack of respect and is humiliang for the person who is polite enough to wait.

Always being late because you have no confidence that people will wait for you sounds like self-fulfilling prophesy sort of talk.

It is in the middle class code book that it is imperative to be late for any occasion to which one is invited.

However, I am only aspirationally middle class and am pretty OCD about everything anyway so I cannot stand to be late or for others to arrive after the allotted time. If you are cooking for others the dinner can be completely ruined by latecomers and if you arrive on time as an invitee and the food is still hours away it is sheer agony. These days even keeping awake is a task!

My solution for awaiting tardy guests is self medicating with a nice bottle of champers. If I am totally off my head while I am getting the food on the table I feel that it is an 'at your own risk' issue. If you want to be late, you risk the drunk cook.

I have a friend who was always late! Not only with me but with others too. When I challanged her she said that she never felt that anyone would wait for her and felt worthless. Thought it interesting as she always came over as very confident. I think 10 mins.is ok but after that challenging! She now is very rarely late I think it's because she is in a happier place in her life.

I wonder how long It was before the OP's friend eventually arrived.

Being late is very bad mannered and inconciderate, and I always try to be on time, or slightly early.

My mobile hairdresser is never on time though she is a lovely person. Whether she thinks that because she is calling at my home, time isn't so important, not sure. But we're usually doing something.

My son has a friend who drives him mad with his unpunctuality. We're talking hours, not minutes!

Lateness can only be excused in an emergency, in my opinion. It's a real bugbear of mine.

My DD also has habitual lateness problem, so much so that we have to add a couple of hours to the time we are really meeting! He's missed flights, trains, important appointments, but is completely unfazed. The trouble is he now knows we lie about the time, so is even later! I cannot be late to save my life, and would rather not go than turn up late. Talk about complete opposites. It is a standing (but infuriating) joke amongst all his friends and colleagues, but after 40'years he won't change.

Mind you if he has to wait more than 2 minutes for someone, he is so intolerant!

My husband was always late - I used to say we had to be at ** by at least 30 minutes before we actually did to have any chance of arriving there on time. Sadly my daughter has taken after him, she, like Alf, thinks she can drive a 20 minute journey in 5 minutes. Drives me to distraction! I just get told to stop moaning, but I really do hate being late, I think it is very rude to turn up late. Relatives and friends know what she is like and they always say 'see you at some stage' - we even arrived late to a funeral which my sister in law still reminds me about even though it was several years ago now. They seem to be under the impression that I can do something about her tardiness - wish I could!

I've know this female friend for 33 years, and never known her to be on time, or turn up early! Because of this, our once close friendship is no more, although we meet a few times a year to exchange news, gifts, and if she's late I tolerate it.

She would take exception to being challenged over her lateness, making all sorts of excuses. After reading a published article on lateness, whereby the author (a practising counsellor) stated, those who repeatedly left one waiting did not value your time and it was height of rudeness, which deep down I'd always thought was the truth. It also left me thinking, that although I'd always valued our friendship I began to doubt whether mine was as important to her, my conclusion, it was not.

I began over a few years to feel resentment towards her, making excuses not to meet, and I found this was cathartic, I'd proved I could get by 'without' this once influential person in my world!

Tomorrow we meet to exchange Christmas presents and news over coffee, I will be punctual....she may surprise me and be on time...but one doesn't change the bad habits of a lifetime! But I am cured of the hurt and lack of esteem her lateness had on my life!

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to all you punctual people, and for the rest, hope your 2016 resolution is, not to keep your friends waiting, those lost minutes soon add up, and lost time with friends....you will never get back again!

Love it, I keep saying it, thanks Anya

Tardy, that's a good word.
Must remember that when DD is late again.
Alliteration with her name as well

So many inconsiderate tardy people out there it seems from reading all these posts.

One Christmas we invited all the neighbours and some friends in for drinks on Boxing Day - come at 11.30ish!
One family who had moved (not too far away) turned up at 2pm when everyone else was wandering home and they stayed until about 9 o'clock at night.

With OH when we plan to go the 50miles to see DD and DGCs I set a time and I stick to it firmly. I warn him the night before and suggests he gets whatever he wants to take ready the night before. However next morning
I often find him faffing about doing something else instead of getting ready.

If I just go without him at the time I stated and leave him behind he gets the message for a couple of months but that message needs reinforcing every so often.
We usually go on Monday or Tuesday when DGS is not at nursery but on those days we both have to get back home for about seven pm. The journey usually takes 1hr 40mins so we need to start early or half the day is gone before we get there.

I have to say I have never had anyone be an hour or so late. They usually text or call if it was going to be as late as that. I have been late myself but would text/call let the person know.

I think the best thing is meet them and set the time earlier, so that if they are late it's not drastic.

I have read all your comments and have a lot of sympathy. It is very rude to keep people waiting. I am sure there are little emergencies that we all have from time to time, forgiven. But on the whole if a person that we love and cherish as a friend is always late (tardy) it really is not fair on the rest of us. We all have lives and commitments everywhere. I had a lovely friend, and I mean a lovely friend who has a good heart. She was always late when our group when out for dinner or lunch. She knew that the time to meet for dinner was for instance say 7.30pm. As a group we had suffered her lateness countless times before. So this particular night, I went out on a limb, and after we had waited 35 minutes for her arrival, I said the rest of the guests male and female that we should just order. So,. to cut a long story short we all placed out orders for meals and drinks. We told the waitress that we had another couple coming but they were late. We all sat there and chatted a bit when they finally arrived about 60 minutes late. We all pleasantly said our hello's. They sat down and then our meals arrived. The meals looked fantastic. So, we had nothing we could do accept eat our meals. The couple were flustered, got up and order their meals. We all ate our meals when this couple just had a drink or two. We all had a lot of fun talking etc. Then the late couples meals finally arrived and we were onto our sweets. We all kept cool. They were very flusterd indeed. We enjoyed our sweets and just talked between everyone. They were embarrassed that they were dragging the evening by being on the one course. Anyway, we waited for them to finish, we all said goodbye, finished up the bill. They apologized that they were late, but, guess what, it has never happened again. She is a great lady and I love her very much, but it is very rude to other people to swan in so late. Problem solved. Nothing since.

I share your pain, Loopylou. DH late 9 times out of 10. After 50 years have only managed to cause slight improvement, but he has many very good traits.

Luckylegs 9
Similar situation,my always late friend kept a whole coachload of people waiting as we were on our way to the airport. Her husband was totally unconcerned, she eventually turned up wearing big Sun hat and smile! No apology- we pretended we didn't know her!

I have been having my brother and his wife (they don't have children) nearly 16 years for Christmas dinner, and they are always at least half an hour late. Last year I didn't invite them, and guess what they turned up Boxing Day just as I was dishing up Boxing Day dinner for my son, daughter in law and two grandchildren, uninvited. Really makes me cross. I am going to drop heavy hints this year, that it would be nice to have Christmas dinner made for me.

I agree people being late can be frustrating but I always use the time to catch up with messages etc when out or little odd jobs when indoors. What is the point in getting worked up and possibly losing a good friend, just not worth it. If it is a dinner party I always have drinks and canapés for people to mingle before food is served and then it really doesn't matter, in fact I find it easier if it is staggered! I find it far more disturbing if people arrive too early and I am not ready

I do sympathise with your frustration at waiting around. I have a lovely DD who is always late and seems completely unaware of the problems this causes for others. I have watched her in action as she dawdles and daydreams while the time ticks by. There is no hurrying the now middle aged girl. Something else seems to grab her attention. I wish I understood her mindset as the children are late for school, doctors appointments are missed etc. However if her friends come late to her celebrations she always complains!!!

One of my pet peeves, people who are always late. There are times when it can't be helped so that's what a mobile phone is for, then I'm not cross. I'm prepared to wait. However, I wait tops, thirty minutes, then I'm off. So rude to think you're so important time keeping doesn't matter. It's not a cute affectation it's bloody rude.

My hubby has been late ever since I met him. At first I was offended but I soon learned to be flexible with the time he arrived. Now if he says we'll do something at 6pm I'll be ready to go any time from 6pm onwards. My daughter has inherited his lateness. It doesn't matter a fig to me!

Susied it is true.