He's gone and i'm lost

good morning Worlass, I too agree that as Sugarpuffiary mentioned that I am grateful that my husband is not suffering the continuous hurt as I do, there are so so many widows, unfortunately we cannot know until we lose our partners just what HURT is all about. My sympathy is with you, just 'hold on' as they say, after all there is no option sad that it is, just consolation that we do have the likes of Gransnet to express our feelings and are comforted by the comments and messages of others. Keep logging in to Gransnet....... it's good for us.
Enjoy your day and remember....... we are all here for you even though annoymously. xxx

Thank you to every one who has posted and offered advice and kind thoughts. It helpful to read about how other people have coped with their loss. As you can see it's Saturday evening and once again I've done my count down, I'm hoping that one day I can stop doing it but not at the moment. This is the first time I have posted anything anywhere but I had to get it out and I can't tell family it's too much. It's the finality of it. I will never see him again, he will never walk through the door. He will never make me laugh again. He will never tell me I'm beautiful and he loves me. All the in jokes we had have gone. We spent nearly all our time together. We worked together, he even liked going shopping, so there's nothing I do that I didn't do with him. So every where I go I see him and it's so hard. A life that was so good and so full has gone and I hate it. I know things will get easier but at the moment it's no help. I just want him back. I'm sorry I've posted another angry sorry for myself rant. It will stop

No need to stop on here, Sheridan. It's a huge loss, and a huge shock as well, no matter how long one's DH has been ill.

Grieving affects us all in different ways, there's no right or wrong, no should or shouldn't. You will find some sort of peace eventually, but in your own time

Oh Sheridan how I feel for you. Its now 13 months since I lost my darling DH and I still feel exactly as you do. Our grief is measured by the great love we were shown by our exceptional other halves.

Oh Sheridan112 please don't stop posting just let out how you're feeling. There's a lot on here who are going through what you are trying to bare too. We know what it's like..it's the worst thing imaginable. All I can say is that I feel that only time helps us to try to deal with our new way of life it will never be as it was before. I will never get used to it, I just try to make the best of what I have now but I really want my dearest husband to come back home but that will never be...Please try to do your best to get through one day at a time. As time goes by you won't feel as terrible as you are feeling now, just try to keep that in mind. My best wishes to you. x

Hello Sheridan Just browsing Gransnet and came across your message back in November,, silly, silly question but, how are you now, no doubt still suffering the hurt, I realise myself the hurt doesn't stop so I absolutely can empathise with you. Gransnet is a great way to off load your hurt, I feel it's almost similar to talking out your fears and feelings to a understanding friend ,I sincerely wish that one day you will come to terms with the loss, although here I am almost 9-years widowed and my hurt is still so raw. Please continue to log in, even just to off load. The spring is almost upon us, I love noticing the newness and 'come alive' of mother nature, wonderful time, just try to observe all that will happen in the springtime to our wonderful countryside, maybe walk with groups or if you have a dog, that too is a wonderful way to, just for a while, go out, feel good that you can see the trees, hear the birds and inhale the air, it does help, I promise even for a moment, it's a break from the sadness....... Please try it x

good morning Sheridan, I was just browsing messages etc.,
I thought that I would attempt to contact you as to how you have been coping with your loss. I too am a widow of 10 years and sorry to say but, cannot "move on" without him, although we have to ask ourselves, what is the alternative, so there are a lot of sad days and hopefully the happier days will improve, some of us cope better than others, however keep in touch with gransnet or whoever, helps you, keep occupied, maybe become a volunteer, it all helps at the end of the day.
I wish you a good day today and leave you with an old Arab Proverb " IF YOU HAVE HEALTH... YOU HAVE HOPE AND IF YOU HAVE HOPE YOU HAVE EVERYTHING" Hopefully Sheridan you have health. Best wishes xxx

Nice proverb ladybird9. I hope that the OP and you yourself are feeling even a little brighter.

I too hope that you are coping Sheridan - I am sure that it is still painful, but hopefully there is some light in your life.

I haven't read all the wonderful replies you have received,
but can be like the rest and understand how you must feel, as I have been a widow for two and half years now.
If I am correct, it seems he knew he was dying so you were able to have time to say goodbye, while this was not the case with myself, which I do miss so much. We were also living in a rented property while searching for our own property, which made matters very difficult as, along with the bereavement I had to find a property.
If you feel lonely, have you ever thought of this website:
communitynetworkprojects.org/

I've just seen this thread and must say sorry for your loss. It is still early, even now nearly one year after your original post. I'm a widow as well so do understand.

Browsing myself as can't sleep. Totally heartbroken as my beloved husband passed away suddenly this morning at 51. Everything feels so unreal.

PamSJ1 I am so sorry, you must be in total shock. Is there anyone with you?

I am very sorry PamSJ1. Do keep posting if it helps.x

PamSJ1 I am so sorry to hear of the unexpected death of your dear husband x

Fortunately my daughter and her partner live with us and my son lives with his partner and our granddaughter on the same Avenue. We have a wonderful extended family. My MIL and his 3 brothers were with us as soon as they were told. My son's partner has 3 older children (17 year old twins and a 15 year old). The 17 year old girl is particularly distraught as she says my DH was like a grandad to her. I just wish I could do it say more to our son and daughter. We used to joke that DH was the most incredible Dad but a lousy husband. That's not true but it has been heartbreaking to see their reactions today. I don't know how my MIL can cope. She lost her eldest son to cancer at 51 a few years ago.

DH was in poor health but appeared stable on his meds. We are so grateful that we had a family break with our granddaughter a couple of weeks ago. He also managed to get to our Granddaughter's christening the day before we went away, only being released from hospital less than an hour before.

Glad to hear you have a good support network nearby

So sorry, PamSJ1.

Oh Pam what a shocking and sad time for you and your family. It'll be such a busy few weeks for you (judging by my own experiences) but please keep posting as time goes on and it all sinks in.

Just read this Pam . So sorry for you as I have a friend who lost her DH at the beginning of the month.[Flowers] are not enough.

I mean

Sheridan and Pam and everyone else who is grieving, feel for you all.

to all who are grieving. (((hugs)))

So sorry for you and everyone who has lost their sole mates. I lost my husband 22 months ago today. I don't think I'll ever get over it, but you do learn to live your life and adjust. There's no time limit on grief. It must have been so difficult for you watching him when he was ill, but it is early days yet and eventually your thoughts will turn to the life you spent and all the happy years. Much love