Hello Sheridan Just browsing Gransnet and came across your message back in November,, silly, silly question but, how are you now, no doubt still suffering the hurt, I realise myself the hurt doesn't stop so I absolutely can empathise with you. Gransnet is a great way to off load your hurt, I feel it's almost similar to talking out your fears and feelings to a understanding friend ,I sincerely wish that one day you will come to terms with the loss, although here I am almost 9-years widowed and my hurt is still so raw. Please continue to log in, even just to off load. The spring is almost upon us, I love noticing the newness and 'come alive' of mother nature, wonderful time, just try to observe all that will happen in the springtime to our wonderful countryside, maybe walk with groups or if you have a dog, that too is a wonderful way to, just for a while, go out, feel good that you can see the trees, hear the birds and inhale the air, it does help, I promise even for a moment, it's a break from the sadness....... Please try it x