Gransnet forums

Chat

Would you...

(32 Posts)
mollie Sun 08-Nov-15 12:37:33

set a list of rules concerning his/her appearance for your OH?

Noticed an article in yesterday's Telegraph about this - wife fed up with mid-life husband slopping around etc. etc. I didn't read the whole thing but noticed a list of rules including review hair style every two years, changing clothing style regularly etc. There were rules about exercise and hobbies too.

It seemed a bit too much for me - I'd hate that sort of thing imposed on me so couldn't imagine making the demands. I could imagine having a go if the rules related to something really damaging to health or wealth but otherwise my cursory look suggested she was a bit of a bossy madam. And he was a wimp. What do you think?

rosequartz Mon 09-Nov-15 16:05:15

Bug180 DH will often say - 'put me out something to wear' if we are going out somewhere for a social event.
Otherwise we will get to the front door to go out and I will just mention nicely that his shirt doesn't match his trousers/jumper etc.
I sometimes wonder if he's colour blind.

soontobe Mon 09-Nov-15 13:16:02

What do his GP friends say Luckygirl?

Synonymous Mon 09-Nov-15 00:25:14

I think it is all about respect really. I wouldn't dream of attempting to impose rules on DH and neither would he as fortunately we are both on the same page. However the one thing I find difficult to cope with is his refusal to see a doctor until things go critical! I have found myself getting very annoyed and saying, "If you die on me I will be SO cross!" which usually makes him laugh and sometimes even give in.

rosesarered Sun 08-Nov-15 23:27:57

Under 8 stone sounds seriously worrying LuckyGirl is there a medical reason for this?Perhaps he should see a GP ( hang on a minute, he is a GP isn't he?)
Most women( in Britain!) feel that their DH is somewhat lacking in the style dept. But suggesting rather than demanding change is the way to go.I suppose that none of us would be happy if we were asked to do something about our wardrobe/ weight/ hair.

Luckygirl Sun 08-Nov-15 23:18:39

Perhaps someone could tell me how I might get my under 8 stone OH to put ON some weight!

I have mostly given up cooking nice meals as most of it gets left - can't bear waste!

By the way, he wears what he likes, but never buys clothes as he can't be bothered - so in effect he wears what I have chosen (or what I can find in a small enough size!) - not necessarily in the combinations that I might have had in mind!

mcem Sun 08-Nov-15 21:34:54

Bug does that actually mean you lay his clothes out daily or is it just when you particularly want him to wear a specific item?

janeainsworth Sun 08-Nov-15 20:43:37

Mollie again this is talking in very general terms.
I would broach the subject by asking if it is ok to talk about it.
Than say the effect whatever it is has on you. How it makes you feel - worried about his health, what the condition will lead to, eg type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease, premature death etc. Stress the effect the behaviour has on you and above all avoid criticising or blaming him.
Then ask what, if anything, he can do to change.
Take it from there and support him in whatever he is willing to do, whether it's seek help from the doctor about dieting, or go to a gym, or read about low-carb diets on the net (plenty of good advice on Gransnet).

That's the theory - easier said than done I know, but very often people don't realise the impact their behaviour has on others around them and when they do, they start to see things quite differently.

mollie Sun 08-Nov-15 20:21:48

Janeainsworth has raised a point so can I ask what you would make a stand about? And how would you push your point? I can't imagine threatening anyone about anything to be honest, it's just not in me, but how do you encourage someone to make changes when they just bury their head in the sand?

mollie Sun 08-Nov-15 19:34:55

I know, and you didn't sound dismissive janeainsworth, honest!

jinglbellsfrocks Sun 08-Nov-15 18:51:12

He never shops for himself, so I chuck out old stuff, eventually, and someone buys him new.

janeainsworth Sun 08-Nov-15 18:16:09

Well Mollie as I said, people will only change if they themselves want to, whether it's losing weight, cutting down on alcohol, or stopping smoking or taking drugs.
I agree, getting them to the point where they want to change is far from simple.
Sorry I didn't mean to sound dismissive, but you asked me what I'd do if it was my DH. I don't know anything about yours, so can only comment in a very general way.
flowers

mollie Sun 08-Nov-15 17:58:56

If only it were that simple janeainswirth, sad

Anne58 Sun 08-Nov-15 16:11:37

Definitely not!

Having said that, I have just assaulted him with the tweezers to remove a couple of grey hairs from his eyebrows blush

PS He was very brave grin

downtoearth Sun 08-Nov-15 16:08:59

Nooooooo ....I wouldnt dare .....he scrubs up well when needs must

soontobe Sun 08-Nov-15 16:04:44

DH and I tend to keep each other in check. Works for us.

KatyK Sun 08-Nov-15 16:04:36

I too have to remind mine to get his hair cut. He hates going but he looks much better (and younger) when he has it shorter.

Leticia Sun 08-Nov-15 16:04:19

Absolutely not. Do as you would be done by and I wouldn't want him doing it to me.

rosequartz Sun 08-Nov-15 15:44:52

I do have to remind DH to get his hair cut from time to time (what's left of it).

Years ago there was an article in the paper, plus a picture. A wife nagged and nagged her husband, telling him he looked like an old tramp and he could at least put on reasonable clothes even to do the gardening.
The photo was of him cutting the front hedge wearing his dinner suit, dress shirt and bow tie.

janeainsworth Sun 08-Nov-15 14:59:26

Mollie I do agree the woman sounded like a smug PITA.

If the need arose, I would simply say to DH that I had noticed he had put on weight and ask him what he was going to do about it. As I say the need hasn't arisen.

However I do have a friend who was concerned about her DH and his resistance to her pleas to do something about his unhealthy weight.
She engaged the services of an attractive young personal trainer, and lo! he was suddenly motivated to exercise appropriately and modify his diet.

I think the answer to your problem is that you can't do anything about your DH's expanding waistline. Only he can. To do that, he has to see the benefit to himself of changing his behaviour. (I'm assuming you mean his waistline & not yours).

If I remember correctly from the article, the benefit to the woman in the article's DH was that she would let him have sex if he lost weight shock

Bug180 Sun 08-Nov-15 14:51:23

I cut his hair and buy his clothes, (I know what he will wear/not wear) if there's something I would particularly like him to wear, I will just put it on the bed, and he'll put it on (easier than having to choose himself ;))

mollie Sun 08-Nov-15 14:40:13

I had a feeling it might not be exactly what it seemed at first glance Janeainsworth but didn't go any further. Many of these articles seem to be written to provoke a conversation (like the woman who claimed she was too beautiful - ha, ha!).

Interesting you said you'd do something about an expanding waistline. What would you do? That's something I am concerned about but can't do anything about.

kittylester Sun 08-Nov-15 14:31:13

I don't need to - that's what I have 3 daughters for! grin

tanith Sun 08-Nov-15 14:27:07

What loopylou said grin most of the time he looks lovely .

loopylou Sun 08-Nov-15 14:21:29

Crumbs! I wouldn't dare....but I do 'manicure' his so-called wardrobe. He so rarely buys clothes it's a family joke, so I tend to buy his clothes anyway bless him, he doesn't have a clue!

Ancient or decidedly strange clothing mysteriously disappears who, moi? shock

KatyK Sun 08-Nov-15 14:15:09

My DH slops around the house in tracksuit bottoms and old tops but then so di I blush When he goes out he looks great. He is slim and most things suit him really. He's not one for 'dressing up' but looks fine in jeans and a shirt. The only thing I can't stand that he wears is what he describes as his 'I don't care, it keeps me warm' winter padded jacket which is awful. Hopefully it will wear out soon grin or it might disappear.......