DH is talking about retiring - shock horror!

I would be interested to know why it has come to the point when he has suggested. I now find DH is overly interested in what I do. Who says what to me what's in that email what did you talk aboutEtc. I have to share more than I would have done if he had been at work. His friends tend to be a taciturn and eccentric collection--slightly barmy-- and they do a fair amount together but he has become very dependent on me for entertainment which I find a bit too much.

Now I'm really worried Stansgran!

It has come to a head now because he is just getting more and more busy with next to no spare time at all. He has really enjoyed working until the last couple of months but is now finding the expectations placed upon him too much. I think my worry is entirely selfish - I don't want to change my life as it is and I am worried that it is a down hill now until we die! I think I need one of those pills!! Or

Don't worry about it, it will just settle down and find its own level. Maybe he can take over some of the things you usually do and enjoy them. DH has taken over the cooking which means he has also taken over the shopping and clearing up the kitchen. Now why would I object to that? A friend's DH started the cooking when he was retired and she was still working part time. She kept going in the kitchen and telling him how he should be doing it. Big mistake, he stopped!

Fortunately we have enough room to get away from each other during the day and don't even try to share our time unless we are doing something together. It works really well for us, we even email each other rather than disturbing if it is simply a diary matter.

Sit back and enjoy it.

My problem at the moment is that DH who gave up the allotment because of back pain, (not someone who will battle through) is now saying that the garden is too much for me (my love and hobby). I have always done it on my own and now DH is continually putting pressure on me to dig up all my beloved plants and membrain it. I feel extremely irritated by this, it is as if he wants to get old before he has to. I am not prepared to give in until the bitter end. That's my moan for the day!!!

DH retired from the Police Force aged 49. I carried on working part-time until my late 50's, plus we look after various DGC at least 2 days a week. He has now been retired 18 years.
We both have different hobbies and he does voluntary work several days a month in the countryside. We still child-mind each week and do school runs. Most of the time it's fine! Luckily we are both fairly fit, and take no medication.

Did you talk about possibly getting another dog a while back kitty? I know it would tie you down in some ways but I find that I can do a lot of things on my own [go out for the day or sometimes two days] because one of us 'has to stay behind to look after the dog'. The routine of walking it would give him something to occupy himself with and a bit of a routine.

I understand your concerns. DH still works p/t (68) and am happy for him to keep doing so. Partly because he does not have many other things to keep him busy or social locally and he seems reluctant to build up a social life away from work or the old pals we have known for years but who live a bit away from here.

If he were home full time I think it would drive us both bonkers! I plan to give up all paid work at Easter, when I am 65. However I have got involved in 2/3 different non work based groups locally and got to know people where we now live.

My advice is to get involved in a couple of local organisations. (Lions Club, local charity, town twinning etc etc) so that you both have another aspect of shared experience to sustain you when work is not filing that gap! However it is easy to say but harder to do! I am still trying to get DH to show an interest in something else before he stops work completely!

Good luck

Retirement takes a lot of adjusting on both sides. I do believe it is easier if both have always had independent interests, hobbies, activities- and neither expects to be 'velcroed' to the other 24/7.

Having said that, and taking on your concerns- life is really just too short to be working full time at 70. DH is the same age, worked full on and very long hours till 63- then retired from one day to the next- and has never looked back. He does not expect me to the there all the time- as I've never been- always been very active and working too- so it is 'normal' for us.

Whatever you do, do NOT downsize now, at least not too much- having space makes a big difference. Bonne chance, we will have a chat about this soon.

kitty it does take time to find the right balance between enjoying some new things together and giving each other space. DH thought it would be lovely for him to go everywhere with me and that I would love to have him trail round the supermarket with me and insist on packing the bags his way. He took over the housework initially as he had too much time to kill and I resented it as I like doing my housework - weird I know but that's me. Anyway now we are a few years on and he does the housework (which he thinks only needs doing once a week) on Wednesday morning while I naff off to the golf club. I come home housework and ironing is all done then he goes to bowls and I settle down in front of Netflix with a glass of wine - a good day. My strongest piece of advice to anyone retiring is be careful if you are planning to downsize- keep as much house going as you can afford to - you are both going to need your own space and a house can feel awfully small in the depths of winter when you are at home al day falling over each other.

I have lots of things to keep me busy - I volunteer, look after svc, visit mum, see friends, I enjoy cooking and shopping (he'd hate that), we have a cleaner and have different areas of responsibility in the garden. I don't want my life to change and it feels like slipping into decreptitude!

The next thing you know we will be booking holidays willy nilly like real retirees!!
I think we may have ruled out a dog Tegan.

svc = dgc - pesky phone!!

nought wrong with that kitty honest - enjoy.

We are just on a willy nilly holiday at the moment.......it's great!
Don't worry about old age Kitty( obviously, it's all downhill to the grave, but while you are sliding down it, enjoy the view!)
We have been retired together for nine years and it's fine.

I retired first and was peeved when DH retired. He didn't want to retire but was made redundant at the age of 65 so that was that. I thought it would be difficult but it wasn't. However, he got a voluntary job as a tour guide with the National Trust and (after having had cancer himself) now acts as a volunteer driving cancer patients to and from appointments. He has also been most useful taking me to and from lunches with friends

Willy nilly holidays and days out together are the good parts! I am training myself that it is OK to do the jobs/ tasks/ activities that I currently do when on my own even when DH at home! Fortunately we have several retired friends and we can & do get up to loads of mischief with them

It is more about my DH having something to do to feel useful and purposeful still. I think it is that lack of purpose, after a long career, that can sometimes cause depression rather than just filling time with activities.

Retired, together all day and blissfully happy. Do lots together and have our own interests. We try and get out once a week for a trip somewhere but are quite happy being together at home. I guess it depends on what you like doing as to whether you can spend time together without getting tetchy.

I can understand your concerns Kitty. To be honest I am very relieved that DH works for DS part time so that I can take the opportunity to go out and about. I like my freedom and would hate to give it up.

This may be stereotyping but from my experience some men are just happy to potter round at home and don't have the same need as some women who like to go window shopping, or out for a coffee.

DH says there is always so much to do at home he doesn't have time to go out like I do. So be it.

IMO the most important thing to do before hubby retires is to jointly come to an agreement that as well as going out together you have plenty of independent time.

My very DH has no real hobbies but seems to find odd jobs to do around the house. He's not bothered about going out on his own but likes to come shopping with me, which can be a bit of a pain. We see friends and we both play badminton regularly and go on holiday and trips and see family. To be honest, I'm making the most of his company because we still love each other and I dread the day when I may be on my own. I don't see much point in worrying about getting old as there is nothing we can do about it. Just eat a healthy diet, take exercise and be as happy as possible, is my philosophy.

DH retired 5 years ago and he has never been busier. He took over the cooking and ironing and does all the bending work and hoovering. I was dreading having him under my feet all day but it has been fine, we altered the house so that we had spare rooms to escape to and don't have to sit on top of each other. DH's health improved, he used to have a dreadful wheeze, we now think it was caused by office air con and long hours driving car. Three weeks after retirement the wheeze disappeared and he seemed to have more energy.
I thought we would spend most of our time planning and taking holidays but hadn't reckoned on GC taking over our lives.

My husband has just turned 75. His work has been his whole life and, apart from golf, which he gave up many year's ago, had no other hobbies. We found that he had cancer, and five week's ago, had an op to remove the tumour, which, apparently, has been completely successful.

He is now in the throws of selling his business, as he doen't feel, or want to carry on with it. He was only working half days before his illness, but now is home all the time recuperating from his illness.

I'm really concerned for the future, as I feel he will go downhill fast, unless he has some motivation for getting up in the morning. I have always done my own thing and have outside interests. We have a big house at the moment, but are talking about downsizing. I'm not at all sure that I want to do that.

Mu husband is not the most social of animals, and is so used to being in charge in his business that I know it's going to be difficult to change the habits of a lifetime.

Just carry on with what you are doing. I think your husband will soon find new interests after all he has so far in his life so why should he change now.

Before my DH took on the voluntary work, he used to drive me mad. If he heard a car door shut in the road, he would look at me and say 'who's that?' Every time I got up to do something he would say 'where are you going?' Aaargh.... Things have settled down now thankfully.

I have always thought that one of the secrets of a happy marriage is if careers and interests run in parallel. Now I have retired and he hasn't so we have a difference. Money - I now have less than him I blank it out of my mind - I try to save money but if I want something not too expensive I get it. Its all in the same account anyway.
Time - he needs to work late - I sit on my own in the early evening nothing new there. In his job he's either working flat out or not working. He is freelance now and we have agreed that he will take 3 months off a year so we can travel - that's working well. I do the cleaning, washing, ironing, shopping, gardening, decorating etc + I have a number of interesting hobbies - I am therefore very busy. One key is to see retirement as a totally new chapter in life and one to enjoy and learn new things.
When we are both retired? I am sure we'll have lots of fun but like the rest of our marriage there will be pinch points we need to get over and work through. I am very grateful we are both fit and healthy so far and have a little money to play with+ lots of lovely friends and family to share with.

Interesting comments. I'm almost 64 and DH 18 months younger and we're fortunately both in good health. We run our business from home and our youngest works with us (and still lives here - when he's not at his girlfriend's). There's little room for flexibility Mon - Fri and we have to do some work over the weekends. DH does more than me but I do all the shopping, cooking etc and we have a cleaner for a few hours per week.

I'd really like to start looking to reduce my hours but we'd have to find someone to come and work with us and that gets quite difficult when you're working from your own home. Whatever I did the business would be going on around me and I'd feel guilty not doing my bit. DH can't consider retiring yet, he's always on the go. We do leave DS alone when we go on holiday but try to never go for more than a week as it really does feel pressured to be alone dealing with the phone, orders etc.

I would like more time for GC, especially as DD and family will be living abroad so it feels important to make time to be with them. I'm so grateful that our business gives us a comfortable life and we're able to support our family, as it not easy for young couples these days and as I don't have much of a pension that's another reason to keep going for a bit longer.