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How many children do you have ........and why?

(86 Posts)
kittylester Tue 01-Sept-15 10:14:22

Last night's Eastenders made me think about our family and why it is how it is.

DH and I always knew we wanted a big family and had 3 children very close together (fun but exhausting!) But, when I was expecting number 4, I had a missed abortion (like Shabnam) but mine was more traumatic in that I didn't abort until 6 weeks after the baby died (the consultant went away for a month and we were in shock confused) and then I went into labour naturally.

Eventually I plucked up the courage to try for number 4 but it took a while to conceive so there are 6 years between number 3 and number 4. We so enjoyed number 4 that we had number 5. So, when DD3 was born we had children aged 16,14,12 and 6.

How did your family come to be the shape it is?

Juliette Tue 01-Sept-15 19:31:29

So much sadness on a thread that is but a snapshot of motherhood.
flowers and love to all those who have loved and lost.

We had three, two boys and a girl.
DS1 was born three years and one month before his sister. Our 'coil' baby DS2 came along eleven months and two weeks after DD. The coil was 'delivered' the day before.
Sadly DS1 died aged sixteen from Meningitis. DS2 was obviously meant to be.

Lona Tue 01-Sept-15 19:37:17

Juliette How sad to lose your DS flowers and for all the other babies that lost their way flowers

Your dd and DS are, like mine, the same age for two weeks every year!

hulahoop Tue 01-Sept-15 19:38:20

I must be thick but can someone tell me me what DH and Dd stands for I always use oh for my hubby (other half) by the way I had son and daughter
3 years apart never wanted any more was an older mum anyway and had toxaemia with both but Strangley enjoyed my labours friends say I am weird!!

NfkDumpling Tue 01-Sept-15 19:43:19

DH = Darling Husband.

DD = Darling Daughter

And so on...

Agree with your friends re enjoying labour!

Juliette Tue 01-Sept-15 19:47:31

Yes Lona DS is 41 on Friday, DD 42 on 20th. She hated him being the same age for two weeks growing up and to a lesser extent still does. smile

Greyduster Tue 01-Sept-15 20:05:04

Two - our son first and then our daughter four years later. Neither was planned. We thought there was going to be a third, and if I'm honest, I wasn't all that happy about it, as we were just about in a position where I could go back to work full time and we could start saving some money towards buying a house when DH left the services. It was, however, a false alarm. I'm sure if it had come along, it would have been loved as much as the other two, but - and I know this sounds mercenary - it would have set us back years we could not really have afforded.

apricot Tue 01-Sept-15 20:53:21

Four daughters, all born in seven years. I always wanted a big family but faced a lot of criticism.
None of my daughters has more than two children, they all work full-time and childcare costs the same as the mortgage now. Their friends all have one or two, noone can afford more, which is a shame. I think it's good for children to grow up in a big family.
I also lost a baby. Not being able to have five or seven children, we had LOTS of pets.

numberplease Tue 01-Sept-15 22:04:40

Five children, not one of them planned! They were all born within less than 7 years, so when the youngest (3 girls first, then 2 boys) was a year old, I decided that enough was enough, but our GP, lovely as he was, was totally against birth control of any kind, so I talked to someone at the baby weighing clinic, when she heard who my GP was, she understood immediately, and arranged for me to have an appointment at the hospital, and when baby was 17 months old, I was sterilised, as hubby wouldn`t have anything done. They are now 51, 50, 48, 45 and 43. Oh, tere was a miscarriage between babies 1 and 2, but as I hadn`t realised I was pregnant, it didn`t really upset me too much. I hope that doesn`t sound too mercernary?

Funnygran Tue 01-Sept-15 22:50:22

Four - but first boy died at 10 days old. I went on to have a daughter and son. When I announced that no 4 was expected MIL was horrified and couldn't believe it was planned since we now had one of each. Quite funny really since she had 6 and her DH was one of 14! Had another boy and the three of them have gone on to give us 5 grandsons (and one grand-daughter). Must be something in the water up here!

Granny23 Tue 01-Sept-15 23:56:18

I had DD1 in 1970, 4 days before her due date of 25/01/70. 18months later I was pregnant again. Baby's due date was again 25/01/72. I lost that baby (a son) but was pregnant again within the year - due date 25/01/73. DD2 was reluctant to put in an appearance and arrived, bright yellow, 12 days late and was taken straight to SCBU. After extensive tests and dozens of blood samples Doctors concluded that this was a rare and recently discovered blood group incompatibility. They reassured me that in any future pregnancy they would perform a full blood change on the baby in utero and everything would be fine. I immediately decided to count my blessings and that our family was complete.

pinkprincess Wed 02-Sept-15 01:00:27

Just two both sons.
The reason why I only had two is described on my contribution to the thread about Do You Remember.

I was one of five children and would have had more than two if I had had easier childbirths.

My DH is the younger of two children (one of each). MIL said it was due to financial reasons. She and FIL must have used some wonderful contraception though as DH was born in 1932 when it was all hitty missy.MIL was Catholic but non practising.She still had the nerve to tell me I had commited a mortal sin by having the tubal tie during DS2's birth!

Falconbird Wed 02-Sept-15 07:49:55

By the time I was 25 I had two children under two so the next year was a struggle. I became pregnant (not planned) about two years later and sadly lost the baby at 14 weeks.

When I re-surfaced and felt fit again I knew that I didn't want to end my child bearing years on a sad note so I became pregnant again with my third child and all went well.

I knew that as an only child I wanted more than one child and it worked out well in the end.

The brothers fell out after my husband passed away and the two eldest are not in touch with the youngest, but I hope that this will resolve itself in time.

I would have liked a fourth baby but I was exhausted and financially it would have been a huge strain.

rosesarered Wed 02-Sept-15 09:23:21

Interestingly, it seems that the average we have on here is 3 children, I thought it would be 2.

kittylester Wed 02-Sept-15 09:38:33

When I announced I was pregnant with number 4 my mother said, having had 4 herself, I only wanted you to have 2. I have never found out why. MiL on the other hand said she was really pleased as we were brilliant parents!

Falconbird Wed 02-Sept-15 09:46:50

I think 3 children is working out to be the norm. In my case I wanted a bigger family but 3 seemed a lot more than two so I stopped there for reasons outlined above. The third child fitted in easily because we were experienced parents by then, the main thing I remember was having to buy bigger baking tins!

kittylester Wed 02-Sept-15 09:54:54

My BiL says that 2 is easy but, when you have number 3, they have you outnumbered! grin

NfkDumpling Wed 02-Sept-15 10:44:54

Was anyone else made to feel guilty about having more than two? (I do have an enormous guilt complex). Having two DDs first I was often excused for having number three with - "I suppose you're trying for a boy". Noooo!

kittylester Wed 02-Sept-15 11:51:31

Not then, nfk, but definitely now.

janeainsworth Wed 02-Sept-15 11:58:27

Yes Nfk.... as in, 'she's got one of each, what does she want another for?'
confused

janeainsworth Wed 02-Sept-15 11:59:16

I'm just off to have lunch with no 3 grin

apricot Wed 02-Sept-15 20:04:37

Granny23 your baby's blood incompatibility was the same as my babies 2 and 3 had. Both were ill for about 10 days with severe jaundice which started straight after birth.
Everybody assumed we were trying again for a boy each time but we were delighted with our four little girls. If I'd had only two children I would far rather have had both the same sex than one of each.

Luckygirl Wed 02-Sept-15 20:10:39

We too have 3 children - all girls. The first two are 19 months apart, and the third was born when the oldest was 8. And I identify with apricot about the assumption by people that we had our last child in an attempt to have a boy.

I wanted 6 children but decided to stop as my last pregnancy caused lots of back problems.

We had no trouble conceiving - quite the opposite - he only had to smile at me and.....bingo!....instant conception.

flowers to all those on this thread who have lost children at whatever age or gestation.

numberplease Thu 03-Sept-15 00:32:48

It wasn`t said to me, but in the Co-op one day, the man weighing the potatoes and veg was talking to a customer about the Family Allowance, as it was called then. He said that it was criminal how people kept having babies in order to get the allowance, he said they were breeding like cows in a field! I felt like asking him how much he thought the family allowance was, particularly as in those days it wasn`t paid for the first child, but I wasn`t brave enough! I remember my grandma being disgusted when I was expecting my second, I pointed out that she`d had 3, she grumpily said "that was 2 too many!"

thatbags Thu 03-Sept-15 08:05:08

Three girls in a similar pattern to that of lucky. The older two are twenty months apart and then there is an eighteen year gap before Minibags put in an apprearance. I was aiming at six and was pregnant six times but three miscarried, two of them in the years just preceding Mbags. As I was well into my forties by then I had decided a successful pregnancy wasn't going to happen. This was sadder for MrBags than for me as he had no kids already. Then she kicked in and held on! smile

Not sure why I was aiming at at six. I was one of five and thought that size of family was just fine. Childhood dreams.

rosequartz Thu 03-Sept-15 14:29:03

When I was pushing DC3 in the pram having fetched DCs 1 and 2 from school a friend of a friend peered at the baby and said 'Oh, must be from a second marriage then'
Despite the fact there is only 5 years between Nos 2 and 3 and they all looked very alike!
[never assume anything]