I went to visit my mum today.......

Don't take it too hard - the same happened with my Mum - she remembered my siblings' names and not mine. Sigh.

for you * kittylester*, it must be hard going and sad for you losing her little by little.

My Gran ended up calling me 'the old sausage'! My children thought it was brilliant but I knew it was a cover up as she'd completely forgotten my name. She also became convinced my son was a member of the royal family!

KittyL you are there and that's what matters.

My mother couldn't remember my name when I was young, she had to work her way through her sisters and my sisters before she reached mine. My father never called me by my name ever, he used a nickname that was a synonym for a nuisance. When they went to the bother of picking my name you would think they would remember it.

Don't worry about it too much kitty. My Dad has three daughters. I don't think he remembers any of our names. We are daughters number 1,2 ans 3.

kitty keep smiling love, I can't remember what I did yesterday!
In fact I was laughing at an anecdote that came up on fb from 4 years ago, about my dad before he died. He went into the 'cubby hole' where he stored everything.
There was only enough room to turn around, but he couldn't remember how to get out!
Eventually he staggered into the kitchen laughing hysterically!

Kitty . My Father used to call me Jean in his last few years, she was his long dead sister.

Kitty When my DH's mum had dementia, she referred to our daughter as 'him'. She also thought the nurses in the hospital were Japanese guards, although she had never had any dealings with Japanese guards. The saddest thing of all was that her husband died of a heart attack while she was in hospital and although it was explained to her gently, she kept saying 'where is that man? I know he's got another woman'. Sadly she died at 52.

My Mum once said to me,"Do you know! I don't think I'll get married cos men are just trouble"

My Mum thought I was the nurse who put drops in her eyes. She and my Dad were married for 70 years but she couldn't recognise the photograph of him we put on her wall. I asked her if she knew who he was and she pondered for a moment then said "Sometimes I do". She was astonished when I told her she had five children.

It's sad but all you can do is smile and move on. It's not deliberate.

My mum is convinced that Dad doesn't go to see her because he's having an affair too Katy. He has in fact been dead for over 30 years and would never have done such a thing anyway.

She has no explanation for her parents' failure to visit except 'My mother never did like me'.

My mother talks to me about her daughter who lives in a particular town - but that's me. She calls my sister Mum, unless she's having one of her "My mum promised to come and get me, can you ring her up and tell her where I am" days. Gagagran she's another one who doesn't recognise photos of my dad, or ever mention him. I find that really hard.

I visit my 87 year old mum who has dementia and help he to go to the toilet. I visit my 3 year old granddaughter and help her go to the toilet. I use the same words and actions with both, not intentionally but of necessity to connect with where they are. Sad, but that is the circle of life.

I have four children, in emergency, when their names escape me, known as Thing one, Thing two, Thing three & Thing four! If you've ever read 'the cat in the hat' you'll know where it came from. They even sometimes sign their emails that way!

My much loved husband, to whom I've been married for 52 years, has recently failed to recognise me. I've been his sole carer for the last years of his dementia.
I was tucking him up for the night, and he took my hand, and murmured , rather like a minor member of the royal family, " So nice to see you, Have you come far? "
Even though I was prepared for that final,and most devastating, 'Senior Moment' I'm afraid I had to leave the room before he noticed my tears.

for you Leonora. KittyL do you think that is why your mother never treated you kindly because she felt her mother didn't like her and that was the only way she knew to treat a daughter? Don't we learn from our parents how to treat our children on the whole?

for you Leonora I am on the same path but not yet as far along as you. My S is coming to take me shopping and H has been asking since 8am what time he is coming.I sent a txt and the reply was "about an hour" H looked at the clock and said half eleven then. S's hour is very fluid but H will be at the window 5 mins before that and will mither until he comes.

this is so hard for all of you- and especially for you Leonora. So much 'easier' (yes, i know not at all...) to accept for a parent than for a partner.

My mum hated her last years of life, but she never ever lost her mind- and I suppose that made it harder, as she was so so aware of her total dependence and inability to do anything, read, or play the piano, etc... but she always knew me and melted into my arms everytime I came to see her from abroad- I would put her head against my chest and stroke her hair and face- and you could feel all the pain go away.

My mil got worse ans worse with Alzheimers, and we would drive for hours to see her and she would not know who her son was and me neither, of course. So so hard. Worse, she was terrified of DH's brother- who looked like her husband, and with whom she had a difficult relationship.

So admire you Kitty for never giving up and still visiting her- when the time comes, you will feel so much the better for not having given up.

(((( hugs )))) to all of you.

Fairly new to Grans net. PLEASE everyone of you who has an elderly parent, friend, relative, who is suffering from any form of dementia or just plain forgetfulness, try NOT to take it personally when they don't know your name, who you are or are talking about, or something you have no knowledge of and thought they didn't either. It is the condition that is talking, not the person you love and care about, they don't mean to hurt you, they don't even know they are. Just keep visiting and loving them if you can. I know it's so very hard for you, I have been there personally and professionally. Sometimes it's easier to get through to them by talking of long ago events, maybe their primary carer can work on a memory book for them. It hurt me to my very core when my dear Mum failed to recognise me, and said terrible things. I've seen relatives break down, and family relationships go to pot because of the cruel effects of dementia and elderly psychiatric conditions, but somewhere deep down the person you love is still there, and occasionally you may see glimpses of that person. Just remember it's not personally directed at you, it's NOT your fault, and you are doing the best you can by being there for them., and other folk do understand and don't take notice when words are spiteful or actions hurt. Staff and family and friends know it's not down to you, and that it is really hard for you. Just try to remember the person they once were and protect yourself by not thinking it is you they are being difficult with, because I promise you it isn't down to you no matter how it feels.

Don't worry HeatherAnn. I don't think any of us take anything personally. I am a retired dementia nurse, so I know all about it!
Went to visit Dad this morning thinking that morning would find him more awake. No such luck, he saw my DH and I arrive and sit down, he received his Pringles and tries to take the top off. He wasn't managing so I did it for him. He said something indistinct, and muttered my name and fell asleep. We stayed for half an hour hoping he would wake up again, but no. We left,can I asked one of the carers to remind him that we'd been. Better luck next time.

Welcome HeatherAnne. Sorry I left off your e. My DS goes mad if we leave off her e!

I go mad if anyone puts an e on mine!

Without wishing to sound a whiner some of us don't just visit ,we have it 24 hours a day.obviously some times are better,much better, than others, but when you have been asked for 20 times in an hour what is going to happen or what are we having for dinner and the whole day is full of trivia with no conversation at all you get very, very weary. Right I feel much better now and can get on with the day.