Do you remember?

I have never heard of a "graze"? What is it?

I had forgotten till now - my second baby was overdue and the doctor gave me a "sweep" which was excruciatingly painful. But it did start labour.

Yes NanKate, my first labour was very difficult and although I was told afterwards that I hadn't been put under, to all intents and purposes I was. I think it had all been so traumatic that I blacked out at the crucial point, and DS was born by forceps. I literally had no memory of the actual birth, although I apparently was responding to instructions to push and so on. The first I knew was a nurse saying "can you hear your baby crying?" Those words were like magic, a soothing balm that meant all the pain was over. I didn't have bonding problems, though, I was besotted from the start. It must have been very difficult for you struggling with PND - pleased to hear that it didn't have any lasting effects in your relationship with your DS, though
When my DD was born 14 months later, I was looking forward to the actual birth as if it was a first one, because I felt I hadn't really 'experienced' the delivery with my DS. As her head was delivered, I instinctively sat up and watched her little body emerge. Now that was truly magical!

First baby arrived in forty minutes and a month early, I was treated for shock, I do remember informing the midwife - half way through - I had changed my mind and didn't want a baby . The second was fifty minutes, I reached out to hold the midwife's hand, she pulled her hand away and said - sorry but you haven't sterilised your hand , I had been there two days waiting for the birth so hadn't been gardening or cleaning .

I can remember giving birth to all 5 of my children, I remember it as being painful, but can`t actually recall how the pain felt. And none of my labours were over long, varying from 1 and a half hours to just a few hours, so really I was quite lucky. I might feel differently if I`d ever been in labour for a day or more! I know that it was much nicer having the last 2 at home, rather than in hospital, as I did with our 3 daughters.

The first, I was twenty, married for two months, nowhere to live and went to stay in Scotland to have her, while my husband found us somewhere to live down south. I was so ignorant, ignored the beginning contractions, and it was only when my waters broke that my Mother cottoned on and rushed me into Edinburgh, I missed having DD1 in the back of my Mother's car by about 15 minutes. No I haven't forgotten!

Thanks for sharing your experiences, everyone.
I knew next to nothing about birth or babies when I had my first and I am still haunted by it.
Two of my four births were difficult and complicated and three of my four babies were ill afterwards. I didn't forget but still passionately wanted each baby. They brought me such love and joy.

My first labour was induced because I was well overdue and got food poisoning after a meal out - so I was vomiting at one end and having a baby yanked out of the other end with forceps by an Australian locum who had his feet on the end of the bed for counter-traction. Not something one wishes to remember! But I was loaded with pethidine - which added to the sickness.

Grannyknot, your doctor's comment made me shriek with laughter and recognition, thanks! Since having kidney stones myself, I've described that pain as "second only to childbirth". (And I was swiftly sterilised - aged 26! - to avoid that horror again...)

As you might guess I did not have to go through the trauma of giving birth being a guy, but you just be interested in when my wife had our first child from my perspective. I took her to the hospital on a Wednesday morning and had to leave her there as our income depended on my going to work to earn, as I was not salaried. This got me scolding from the ward Sister, but needs must. When I managed to get back on both Wednesday and Thursday evenings there had been no progress. My wife maintained throughout that the baby would be born an exact date. How she could have been so certain is a bit of that feminine mystic that escapes me entirely. However I did stay with her on the Friday until the time came for her to be moved to the Labour Ward. This was at the time when it was first mooted that fathers could be present at the birth. A view that was not universally accepted by the entire medical profession. The Superintendent of the maternity unit; a rather large and formidable lady asked me "Do you want to be there to see your child born", to which I hesitated and stumbled over my answer. To which she responded "very wise my boy" and whisked me away to a darkened room with a bed in it that she tucked up in and said "sleep well and I will come and fetch you when your child is born". I must have slept for my next memory is being woken by a light being switched on and being told to dress up a in a surgical gown and being shown up see my still drowsy wife from gas and air and first born daughter. My wife afterwards told me that when I walked in she thought who is this other doctor. Sorry to butt into your world ladies, but I thought you might to hear something of a fathers experience

Just before DS's due date it was discovered head hadn't engaged an xray and a scan showed my pelvis was not a good shape. I was due to see the consultant on the Monday and told to go in straight away if I went into labour. This happened on the Sunday morning DS's due date. I went in at about 9am and I was warned I might need a C section but given a trial of labour.
By 9:30pm with no progress for a long time they decided to do a section and in those days they had no epidural facilities at that hospital. i was completely out of it and saw DS next morning.

I found the pain of trying to manage a baby, get in and out of bed etc with my lower abdomen stitched back together was dreadful for days.

In the days of womans lib and all the crap stuff about "women can give birth naturally if they only try" I did feel something of a failure.

With DD I booked at a hospital where they could do a C section with an epidural. The obstetrician was a youngish Chinese guy who seemed to have no skills at all at chatting to patients and putting them at their ease. Just as I heard DD cry and someone saying it was a girl, it appears that my blood pressure dropped dramatically (which could be due to the epidural) and I was out of it completely until I was back on the ward.

Earlier this year I saw the photo of DD holding my DGS2 in the birthing pool with a look of sheer joy on her face just a few seconds after he surfaced, I do feel I missed out on something.

I did bond well with both of them, managed to breast feed them easily and donate milk to the local milk bank. That did help me feel I was not completely usuless at motherhood. (That was quite irrational but it is what I felt at the time. )

My first son was born 53 years ago. Maternity care....almost nil. I used to sit with the other expectant mums in the waiting room with stockings down on our ankle , urine samples in a box by the door...any old container , whiskey bottles etc.
when I did go into labour I was left on what I can only describe as a fish slab . No blankets just black plastic , white tiled walls a clock and on my own. My husband told to go home and ring tomorrow. I must have eventually been given pethadine the next thing I remember was being told to breast feed.
The sister in charge actually said she could not stand the fathers , tolerated the mothers ( if they behaved ) and loved the babies. I was then stuck there for ten days . Most of the mothers smoked on the ward....
Gosh I feel soooo old lol .
I had my third child at home with a lovely midwife , my husband helping and the dog under the bed... Number four some many years later was back to it all being inpersonal.

Blue's comments (above) bring it all back. My eldest daughter is now 50 + and was born in the local cottage hospital. One of my memories is of having crab salad for tea about 10 hours after being admitted. I love seafood and it was a rare treat, as we were so skint home-made soup was more our style. Don't know how we dared start a family with no money, but there you go. Dd born about 9 hours later. Remember the midwife remarking what a 'good girl' I was I.e. How quiet compared with the mum in the cubicle next door. My second daughter born at home without benefit of midwife. Had had kippers for tea (it being Good Friday) and swore never to eat kippers again, as causing tummy ache. By the time I realised things were on the move and my husband legged it to the nearest public phone box to call midwife, dd 2 arrived as I sat on loo. Wrapped her in a towel and waited for hubby's return. Dd3 born in hospital in Central Africa. Arrived 3 weeks late, but in labour less than an hour once I got cracking. Oh happy days....wonderful memories.

I seem to be the odd one out here. I really don't remember the actual births of my two children at all. For my son, I remember walking around , in labour, with the ambulance men trying to find the entrance to the maternity hospital at about 2 in the morning. ( it wasn't their usual run). Then not much more until I was enjoying a cup of tea (my first for 9 months because i had gone right off tea) and hot cross bun (it was Good Friday).

For my daughter, I remember being in the car on the way to the hospital and seeing one magpie which freaked me out because I was very suspicious then. My husband stopped and refused to drive on until we saw a second one. I had to beg him to resume the journey as things got a bit close! All went well though.
But no actual memory of the births...I don't think I was on heavy drugs.

Forgot to say tea was after the birth. Important detail..really?

I had always been told the cup of tea they brought you after the birth was the most welcome you would ever have, well my DD ( first birth) was about 11:25 PM and the tea they brought me must have been brewed for afternoon tea. It was disgusting. DS born at home at approx 11:30 PM and all I wanted to do was go to sleep . Incidentally I was told most babies were born at the same time they were conceived !! Comments please.

Grannyknot - a graze is "Perineal trauma is usually divided into different types. The mildest form of trauma is called a graze. These are shallow splits in the skin that rarely need to be stitched. They can sting when you pass urine after the birth. A first degree tear is a small tear in the perineum and only involves the skin. These tears also rarely require stitches."

Ouch, still wince to think of it. It is flipping painful for quite a few days afterwards though!!

However I was lucky and just needed gas and air for both births.

My first labour was 32 hours, and my husband was sent home at midnight by a miserable so and so of a midwife, who said I had hours to go and he would be in the way if he stayed. I was left alone, and when I rang my little bell to say I was in an awful lot of pain, I was given a Mogadon and told to go to sleep . An hour later I was shouted at when I dared to ring again, and I had to explain that I could feel DD1's head, at which I was rushed off for a very quick and stinging episiotomy and delivery. My memories are of feeling very shocked and battered by it all, and exhausted. Not helped by the fact that 4 hours after the birth I was woken up at 6am to help the midwife wheel my bed to another ward, and shortly after that I was in a pelvic floor exercise class .

DH was at the next one, working his way through a lamb dinner and steamed pudding and custard at my bedside as I gave it my all, pushing out my face to pubes DD2. The midwives gave him more attention than I got - he was the least nervous dad they'd ever known! Only a 6 hour labour this time, jolly midwives, and not as painful, just really hard work because of the baby's position.

For DS, I woke up wanting to push and crossed my legs en route to the hospital, a 15 minute journey. I didn't make it to the labour ward. They hauled me onto an examination table just inside the hospital door and out he came. I think I'd got the hang of it by then .

My DD was born at 8:30 in the evening, the midwife in the hospital stayed late to deliver her as she was not going to pass me over to the night staff. She had been with me all day. Very easy final stage, three pushes and she was born 6lbs 2ozs.
DS was born 22 months later. A much larger baby, he managed to turn himself in the birth canal and got stuck. The midwife and the gynaecologist had to pull him out by the shoulder. He was blue!!! I thought he was dead and was in floods of tears. They rushed off with him, he had three minutes of oxygen and then they brought him back to me. I cuddled him and saw pink gradually colour his cheeks. What a relief! All the midwife said during this was "don't worry, a lot of babies are born flat".
DD is 32 now and has four children of her own. DS is 30 and remains single.
I forgot to say that DS weighed 8lbs 2ozs. They dislocated his shoulder during his rather traumatic delivery.

Annesixty, 2 of mine were born at lunchtime, and I know for a fact that I didn`t conceive during lunch at any time!

I remember every second of absentdaughter's rather difficult birth – a foretaste of the future, if there ever was one. However, the bit I remember with most delight – apart from when a stunningly beautiful baby with a full head of black hair was lifted on to my tum – was when the obstetrician held the child out towards her father and said, "And it's a…?". To which, he (father) replied delightedly, "Baby!"

Golly! I wish I had known that!

How could I forget! DD1 took 19 painful hours of labour , although I had an epidural after about ten agonizing hours which was a relief.

DD2 was born two years later with an epidural from the start so a much easier and quicker delivery.

DD3 and DS were both born without any pain relief and labour only about three hours. I was very lucky. The four happiest days of my life and my beloved DH was with me for all of them

It's fascinating reading other mothers' experiences of childbirth and realising that traumatic births are about as usual as 'normal' ones. DD was a ventous ( pulled out by what looked like a plumber's plunger after an epidural). DH was outside the room and when I asked for him during the night (it went on for 36hrs) the midwife said he was asleep because he was exhausted! I will not mention my reaction. Then I found I had retinue for the actual birth, three pupil midwives ( they had never seen this procedure), two student doctors likewise and Sister midwife and two doctors. To say the room was busy - well! Then she was born, I was stitched, DH appeared and we both had a cuppa brought by a lovely porter! Two years later DS was born by C-section. Twenty four hours in labour, not coming, too big - doctor "You little ladies will marry big men!!" I so wanted a natural birth but it was not to be. Down to theatre, put under, awoke to the sound of a baby crying and it was him. The nurses called him "Buster" as he was 10lbs 3ozs. and I had to supplement feed from a bottle right from the start. So no wonderful memories of peace, quiet and tranquillity - every time I see a birth on TV I cry, sometimes with regret but usually because babies are so wonderful.

Things are so different now. One of my daughters is a midwife and says she "catches" babies, doesn't "deliver" them. You're not admitted until the birth is imminent and you wear your own clothes, make-up, piercings. Straight afterwards you go home where you muddle through with almost no care or help. No wonder Britain's breastfeeding levels are so abysmal.

I do remember my OH saying as baby 1 was trying to stay put rather than emerge - he looked at his watch and said "I knew you would have it during Monty Python!"

Luckygirl - you have reminded me of when I had my third baby (at home) and the midwife called to my OH to come upstairs now or he would miss the birth - he responded that he would come up shortly as he was just finishing washing and wiping up!!!!!!! He had been present at the two previous births (one in hospital and the other at home) and obviously thought it was not worth the bother. In fairness to him he was more than a bit miffed at being woken up at 5 am by me telling him to get up as the midwife was here and I needed the bed!!!!! Happy days.