Photos on headstones.

I promise I won't tear any photos off of benches or gravestones that I see.

Maybe people would have put photos on graves many years ago if photos had been around then and so now it would be the norm. And, as people turn more away from religion the usual headstones have less meaning for them; crosses, cherubs etc.so they look for new ways to comfort themselves? I think I'd feel sad sitting on a bench with a photo on it, although I do like sitting on benches with the knowledge that someone, for many years had loved that very spot and that view and perhaps I see it and appreciate it more for that reason. We all have our own personal ways of grieveing and they should all be respected by others.

I might concede the point on the park bench as it's a very public place and I don't think it really appropriate. But a graveyard is pretty private and most people only visit their own special place, so it's usually only the few gravestones around that are seen.

Anything for a good bicker eh gj?

'It has nothing to do with anyone else but Anya and me.

#sokeepyernoseout'

... fair enough, but if you'd rather people not wonder and ask questions, best not to shout it all on roof tops, perhaps?! Otherwise ...

How people mourn is so personal, I had 2 younger colleagues who lost their mums of cancer far too young. They both confided in me, and one said she felt it was awful that people kept asking her about her mum and how she felt, etc- when she was trying to move on. And the other who said it was awful that nobody wanted to talk about her mum, and it was as she had never existed, and thought it would really help her to talk about her.
It really did hit home that we all react so differently to tragedy.

My parents died aged 96 and 94- so talking about them is very natural, and we love to look at photos of when they were young and family photos. I'd imagine if you lose someone very young, it would be very different. But I think I'd still like to look at photos and think of all the good times, personally.

Fine talking about someone who has died when you knew that person. Just not so keen on seeing photos of dead strangers on benches. And on churchyard stones it looks tacky.

Perhaps I mean other cultures.

Yes, dwelling on death is unnatural, but not being able to talk about those who have died? For example, when I lost someone dear to me, I wanted to talk about him, but people avoided that. And if I mentioned his name they would change the subject as soon as decently possible.

Most people, not all. Some were willing to listen.

Why would we be any different to people in any other country?

No one wants to do it, and it's human nature to prefer not to think of it. Perhaps that's even the way it's meant to be. Dwelling on death is unnatural.

Back to the OP.

Do you think we are less comfortable around the notion of death and dying in this country perhaps?

Wise words!

Was it only four days ago, I meant.

Doesn't time fly when you're enjoying yourself!

!

You reckon?

#watchyerbackmissis

All what?

And now we're bestest buddies again

Was that all?

It has nothing to do with anyone else but Anya and me.

#sokeepyernoseout

A long memory? Yeah. It was all of 4 days ago.

It would be helpful if you could jog our memory with a quote Anya- as it is really puzzling. It is really not helpful when people make cryptic short comment which relate to posts hours, days, months or even years old- without making things clearer.

I'd never call someone a prat for disagreeing with me, for instance, but maybe I may if they are behaving like one (not on a Forum though, but face to face).

jingl has a long memory!

But you don't have to sit on somebody else's bench do you?

KatyK so sorry, did you mean your small DGD?

Same here???

have I missed a post - I have looked hard but can't find a post calling you a prat jingl ??? Where?

You're correct of course Anya, but pics always flood/overwhelm me. Prefer to deal with grief in more manageable (for me) less all-encompassing ways. SIL was/is very hard for me as pics everywhere for small dgd.

I just cannot equate the pics - whether they be on headstones or at home-with the interred mortal remains. Either that or I equate it too much, I'm not sure which.

Please don't call me a prat again for saying something you disagree with.

Bit like sitting next to a ghost.

And I can't help thinking it's in bad taste. Inflicting your grief on others. Benches are for the living. I appreciate the message is, "he loved this place", but just say that. Any more is unnecessary.