Photos on headstones.

Was that all?

And now we're bestest buddies again

All what?

You reckon?

#watchyerbackmissis

!

Was it only four days ago, I meant.

Doesn't time fly when you're enjoying yourself!

Wise words!

Back to the OP.

Do you think we are less comfortable around the notion of death and dying in this country perhaps?

Why would we be any different to people in any other country?

No one wants to do it, and it's human nature to prefer not to think of it. Perhaps that's even the way it's meant to be. Dwelling on death is unnatural.

Perhaps I mean other cultures.

Yes, dwelling on death is unnatural, but not being able to talk about those who have died? For example, when I lost someone dear to me, I wanted to talk about him, but people avoided that. And if I mentioned his name they would change the subject as soon as decently possible.

Most people, not all. Some were willing to listen.

Fine talking about someone who has died when you knew that person. Just not so keen on seeing photos of dead strangers on benches. And on churchyard stones it looks tacky.

'It has nothing to do with anyone else but Anya and me.

#sokeepyernoseout'

... fair enough, but if you'd rather people not wonder and ask questions, best not to shout it all on roof tops, perhaps?! Otherwise ...

How people mourn is so personal, I had 2 younger colleagues who lost their mums of cancer far too young. They both confided in me, and one said she felt it was awful that people kept asking her about her mum and how she felt, etc- when she was trying to move on. And the other who said it was awful that nobody wanted to talk about her mum, and it was as she had never existed, and thought it would really help her to talk about her.
It really did hit home that we all react so differently to tragedy.

My parents died aged 96 and 94- so talking about them is very natural, and we love to look at photos of when they were young and family photos. I'd imagine if you lose someone very young, it would be very different. But I think I'd still like to look at photos and think of all the good times, personally.

Anything for a good bicker eh gj?

I might concede the point on the park bench as it's a very public place and I don't think it really appropriate. But a graveyard is pretty private and most people only visit their own special place, so it's usually only the few gravestones around that are seen.

Maybe people would have put photos on graves many years ago if photos had been around then and so now it would be the norm. And, as people turn more away from religion the usual headstones have less meaning for them; crosses, cherubs etc.so they look for new ways to comfort themselves? I think I'd feel sad sitting on a bench with a photo on it, although I do like sitting on benches with the knowledge that someone, for many years had loved that very spot and that view and perhaps I see it and appreciate it more for that reason. We all have our own personal ways of grieveing and they should all be respected by others.

I promise I won't tear any photos off of benches or gravestones that I see.

It is definitely a continental custom, and I like it. My grandfather is buried in Orkney and I never knew him but when I visited his grave I saw a Norwegian soldier's grave with a photo and that gave me the idea so I placed one there. I don't know how long it will last with the weather but I think it's a much better idea to have them as part of the gravestone, as in Europe. Looks better and is permanent. Those who find such things tatty - or ghostly, or whatever - would be horrified by Austrian cemeteries: they put little Christmas trees on graves! Quite pretty in the snow, actually....especially at night. Perhaps this is also done in Germany? I don't know.

That sounds rather nice.

The photos are used in northern Italy and I will be visiting a church cemetery there later this week. It's in a mountain village where everyone knows everyone else. I have never thought the use of photos to be strange. It just seems an alien concept to us I suppose as the custom is not used here.

Anya...just to clear up a point, SIL died very suddenly and unexpectedly 2 years ago leaving DD1 and DGD who was 6 at the time. To keep his memory alive the house has lots of pics of him for DGD which is as it should be. I just find it difficult with the whole photo thing.

That's so sad KatyK x

You've just reminded me of that tiny, embalmed child in the Palermo catacombs, Bellanonna. Her grief stricken parents just couldn't let her go. I wonder if that is what disturbs me about photos?? It's as if we're holding onto something that no longer exists. The memories are there of course, but inside the head and heart we don't need a photo.

But Katek, photographs around the house do the very same. Your daughter has photographs around the house, I have never had one photograph of my late husband in my house , I even put our wedding photographs away, our daughters were five and seven when he died. Now they have their own homes they have photographs of their father , in fact they both have our wedding photograph framed. It's such a personal thing and surely should be respected

Won't reply to your post at 16.30.44 jingl- as it is plain daft and would make me a bit of a prat .... (dig deep, dig deep...)... really.

I like looking around graveyards/ cemeteries from the historical point of view.

If photos had been around, the past would have yielded so much information.

The historians of the future will enjoy looking at the memori.

I personally might not want imy photo on my gravestone, but I cannot see what harm it does.

x