Are you a natural "joiner"?

It did force me! The alternative was not to make any friends. I am not a party person, I have never liked them, but joining things has nothing to do with parties.

I'm not a party animal. Joining in order to be a scout or guide leader, or a school governor, or a Rotarian, is not the same thing at all as liking parties.

Alright. Perhaps not all GNrs.

Ouch

I actually find most people quite boring.

Unfortunately I am not a joiner. All my life I have hated going to parties even when I was a child. I can speak to people but I am better in a one to one basis rather than in a group situation. As I got older I must say I have improved though! Fortunately my grown up children are not shy so it makes it easier for them. Looking back all those years ago my parents didn't seem to mix either and kept them selves to themselves so I think there lies the problem.

No.

I'm a natural joiner and joiner-inner. One friend used to say I'm a "yes person". I've had to train myself to say no sometimes and to walk away sometimes even after joining something if it gets too much or if I feel I'm not being as useful as I would like that my energies would be better used elsewhere. Difficulties can arise then because some people want more explanation than I'm willing to give and that is awkward.

Well, it doesn't actually force you unless you want to do it. Some people are quite happy to never get to know people, or would like to but are too shy to join things.

We moved when we retired and didn't know anyone- that forces you to join things as the only way to get to know people.

Thanks PRINTMISS

purple that's probably true. GNet has been good for me, I went to my first meet up very shortly after joining and the people I met then and since have enhanced my life as have many members whom I've never met.

As for real life friendships, my three close girlfriends from school all moved away, one only to England, one to Greece and the other to NZ, all of them when we were still young. I'm in touch with them all and we now use Facebook but it hasn't been the same as having them in my life. I've made friends since of course but apart from one friendship which lasted over 20 then ended as devastatingly as a divorce, none are of the 'soul mate' type.

My shyness has always come across as aloofness, I also have a non smiley 'resting' face which doesn't help. Interacting with others has become easier with age though as I've learned to make myself chat.

I've been thinking more about whether I'm a 'joiner' and have realised that things I have joined have been more educational than purely social such as language or art classes.

I too like to be part of some sort of community - after 25 years as an Army wife, living on garrisons etc., and 30 odd years working in big schools, it seems natural to me. But, like many of you, joining things doesn't come easily.
I sort of got edged into joining Rotary International and that is really where my community, local, national and international lies, as well as in this little town.

We also belong to the yacht club, which is a lovely social place, but that is through family association with it.

Bella I do hope you enjoy your posh tea. My daughter bought me one and I shared it with a friend - just left my husband with her husband - she is the driver. We had difficulty finding the place, and it had the oddest signpost at the gate, but when we got there, my the tea was luxurious in the extreme. For just the two of us there was a whole tier of cream and other cakes to choose from, a lovely seat in a spacious alcove and tea until we could drink no more. Have a lovely day.
And keeping in with the thread, I am very much a joiner, but only in things I think I will enjoy, do not attempt unknown territory coward that I am, I find talking to people at bus stops and on trains is very easy, and I have an awful feeling that I am known as a chatterer by some of the people at bowls club, however, I try never to say anything about anyone that is unpleasant or in my view gossip. I too am an only child Falcon, and was very much a loner a school, did not make many friends there.

Sun [sun]

Kittylester, my DD was there last night too, with 3 old school friends! Apparently it was good.
It's interesring how many posters admit to being gregarious on the outside but internally unconfident. Spose that describes me too. I can happily chat with strangers. I suppose there is no onus on us to make a good impression and we can really be ourselves. I love talking to people in queues or just people who are around and I usually initiate the chat, but if I see someone I only know slightly I tend to avoid them. I feel most relaxed with direct family, and with my few close friends. I do join things and sympathise with Apricot, who said nobody spoke to her after a year. I find it takes a while for people to become friendly and just accept that. I enjoy whatever the group is about, and don't worry overmuch about the friendliness or otherwise. I have to join things as DH has too many health problems now to go out much if at all. One exception to that is a voucher for afternoon tea today in a posh garden somewhere in kent. A Christmas present from DD2. At least the sin is shining!

Good friends are so important! (are Take That still around then?)

soutra, DD was at a Take That concert last night with one friend she made at school over twenty years ago and another she made while doing Saturday work in a local supermarket, so she is ok!

I have never thought about it but I must be a joiner. Now that I am retired the main problem is having far too much choice and everything clashing. I volunteer for 3 different organisations- all of which need time and commitment. I also belong to a book group, various things with U3A, Zumba and NWR.There are more things that I would like to join but no time!

Purpledaffodil. I agree that this is a really interesting thread which seems to indicate that many people admit to not being 'natural joiners'.

I was always painfully shy until I started copying a colleague (now friend) who was a 'natural'. I can and do join in but still, somehow feel on the outside of most groups (including GN). I rarely make commitments because as Jeannie99 points out I don't want to let people down. However I am quite relaxed about chatting to people in the street , checkout, or other places when I bump into them. I am also capable of anything when I am with my grandchildren. Only today I was jiving with my 3 year old grand daughter at our local carnival and yelling at her sister,loudly at the wagons with displays on the parade. I will quite happily dance and sing when the grandchildren are with me!

Am I a joiner, well I've never even thought about if I am, let's see.

I have a number of things I am interested in and I have no problem going on my own to a club meeting and seeing what goes on and if it interests me I would join, mainly for the thing I am interested in rather than meeting people.
The thing I am not interested in is committing myself to the committees within these groups.
This probably sounds very selfish but I would hate to let people down so wouldn't promise to do something if I couldn't say for sure if I would be available.

I do not find an online community sad, purpled. I find it easier because I am partially deaf and often have difficulty following conversation in real life. This morning at a coffee morning I had to explain three times that I was deaf and had not heard. I do not want to have conversations about hearing aids, which is what happened twice.

I am a joiner. But have to be quite interested in whatever I want to join, to bother joining it. Else I can lose interest quite quickly.
But I realised recently that I have it easy.
I either have relatives that have already joined, or tend to know at least one person already there.

There are books and google stuff about this subject which can be helpful.

I'm not a natural joiner, but living alone and a distance from family, I've had to learn to overcome my anxieties. I belong to a book group, a walking group, a French circle and a choral society. At some of these activities, I have made acquaintances but at others real friends. I have found it easier to make friends in situations where conversation is a natural part, like the book group. I am not exactly shy, but tend to overcompensate by talking too much even when I try to apply the internal brakes.

I mean of course