I do find myself envying people who seem to find a congenial group wherever they go, who launch themselves wholeheartedly into their local church/WI/book club or whatever. I am extrovert on the surface, but very reserved deep down, a reserve some people take as stand-offishness.
My mother being German in a small town in Scotland not long after the war never found it easy to fit in, while my father was universally popular but held back from many social occasions maybe because he sensed animosity to Mum and just wasn't prepared to bother with people like that.
Perhaps we should never have moved to a village but stayed in the city where these things matter less as I can say I have honestly tried and still find it a struggle. I was involved with charities in London, but never felt brave enough to try to get involved here; of course I joined the PTA, but again always felt a newbie, got involved at our church ( until it went all happy clappy and I couldn't quite get on with that!), I am Treasurer of our local women's group and belong to a book club, but I often feel I have to force myself to make the effort to join in the chitchat and find it hard to be 100% involved. If I am honest I feel like an observer or an outsider, even finding it hard to join in some of the jolly banter at our GN virtual parties!!
Should I just give over thinking about it? Just take the plunge? Or is it silly to try to be something I am not?
