Have you fulfilled your potential?

Galen as others have said, you've achieved so much in your life, much more than I could ever have. Being housebound even for a short time leads to introspection I think. Elegran's suggestion of the CAB is an excellent one, you have so much to offer.

I can be very guilty of thinking 'if only'; if only I'd studied harder, if only I'd had the courage to follow my own path, if only I'd been a better person.

I have to work hard to look forward not back, to constantly remind myself to live in the present, to be content.

To quote Kurt Vonnegut 'Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are, "It might have been".'

Galen, I look back at my life and learn. I've done some good and made some mistakes but haven't we all? I'm now dealing with my children's mistakes but I have the experience to help them if they'll listen, though I accept that they might not (listen that is). I didn't.

'Potential' -what might have been. 'Life' what really is - live it or leave it!

Penstemmon love your ballerina or flautist ambition. I went on a helicopter trip, am going in a hot air balloon next week and hope to do a parachute jump if I can afford it. I might even learn to play the piano. I'm now 68 so have to move fast!

'Potential' - what I could do. 'Life' What I actually get to do - if I'm lucky enough! Here's hoping!

I feel like that Galen and as the years rush by I can't help thinking about all the things I might have liked to have done but will never do now.

I think a lot of people feel they haven't fulfilled their potential - and they are probably right. I am sure most people have a lot more imagination, talent and creativity than they would ever imagine - and quite often it will never be discovered. Sad really.

No, probably not. Although I have only tried to be kind and honest all my life to everyone so that's fulfilling to me that I have done that, and in my work, was in the care industry so I am proud of that.

Like loads on here, I have brought my family up for the last 30 years and now, thinking of if I would have to go back to work, then what I could do. I am at a complete loss due to knowing my health problems would severely limit what I can do, if not stop me altogether. I d know that I couldn't manage at this time to go out and work for someone as I am feeling socially awkward around people. I am awaiting counselling. Or should I wait and have the counselling first and then see how things are?

I have been watching the self employed programme tonight and would have liked to do this and if I could work at home, anytime night or day then maybe I could work something out, who knows?

Anyone any ideas what I could do at home?

Non, Je ne regrette rien! But that does not mean to say there are not things I wish I had learned, done better, more of etc. My life has been based on serendipity rather than planned.

I was an 11+ 'failure' with my cousins and family friends' children all going to grammar school. I could have let it get me down..and it still grates..can you tell but I have had a rewarding and hugely enjoyable career and I could have lived independently if I had wanted to so I had that choice. I did choose family life and certainly do not regret that at all.
However I am at yet another crossroads and am trying to decide if I should give up my p/t work and just keep the voluntary stuff going. I am waiting about for 'something to happen' that will make the decision for me as has occurred in the past but think I am going to have to decide for myself this time. Maybe now I can be a ballerina and or a flautist

Perhaps I will try the two-minute rule and do some decorating
I really need to start doing some.

You too Hilda

Gracesgran I so agree with your two-minute rule, or bite-sized chunks as I think of them.
When I'm feeling overwhelmed or demotivated, just making a list of things I need to do or steps I need to take, and making a start, however small, seems therapeutic in itself.
Hilda wise words as usual.

Just read OP and have decided to post a reply, without reading any other posts! - I have exactly the same feelings as the OP!

I so agree xx

KatyK.... bless you.

I don't feel I have fulfilled my potential due to as Hilda puts it above 'a grim childhood'. I never felt loved, was neglected and never encouraged to do anything, violent father etc. Lost my teeth as a child which didn't exactly inspire me with confidence, I hid away and never smiled. There was no way I was going to push myself forward for anything. Catholic primary school which put the fear of God into us. I knew I was reasonably intelligent but was never encouraged as I was a scared little mouse. Never had the confidence to got for promotion in jobs, never learned to drive or swim. However, I have a lovely family, caring husband etc. I have come through all sorts of rotten stuff and I'm still here. I agree with what many have said above - enjoy what you have as you don't know what is around the corner.

I think that unless one is remarkably emotionally resilient, looking back on one's life regretfully is the sure way to madness.
I've been having some counselling (pretty grim childhood) and I started down the long dark tunnel of regret and my 'lady' said something along the lines of....so you survived growing-up in a dysfunctional family, you have a happy 35 year long marriage, two daughters with whom you have an excellent relationship and two adorable grandchildren. You have done an OU degree, lots of different jobs and are now happily dabbling in hobbies and voluntary work that is much appreciated by everyone you know....so where do you think you went wrong?
She was right of course although I found it hard to agree with her at the time. Harbouring regrets for what might have been will only cloud out what you actually HAVE done and it will also stop you from appreciating what you actually have at the moment. Enjoy what you have...not what might be.

Others have highlighted it Galen, but I wonder if this feeling is to do with grieving. When we have a large grief it seems to highlight the smaller ones such as missed opportunities, decisions we regret, etc.

I said earlier on that I certainly feel like this quite a bit of the time and I do feel this is partly a mishmash of smaller griefs. Motivating yourself becomes difficult when this happens and I don't think it is at all surprising that you did not want to socialise, by the way.

I find the "two minute rule" helps although it would not work for everyone. If I am feeling I just cannot do anything I look at the thing I am wanting to do - anything from you doing a law course to the ironing - and I tell myself I can do two minutes of it. Sometimes that's all you can do, e.g., make a phone call to get details of a course, sometimes you can do more, but you will have done something.

Interestingly I find I am quite able to do the things involved in my mother's care. It is when the focus is just on me that it can be a problem. This may not help but hopefully knowing others feel as you do will. I know your OP helped me feel less alone with this.

Daffy - what a lovely thing to have said to you

Well said daffy!

I echo Janea's post but I stayed at home and wonder what would have been different if I had not been at home! We do what seems right at the time!

Well said daffy.
I stayed at home for 8 years with my family then gradually increased my work commitments, but sometimes wonder if some things might have been different if I'd been at home more in their teenage years.

I am probably older than most of you (79) and m generation of women were expected to work for a couple of years then stay at home to bring up a family possibly finding a little part time job when the youngest started school. Then just as my second reached school age I found I was pregnant again. I was at home for 14 years. I eventually did a few secretarial jobs and spent the last 10 years before retirement as a medical secretary.I loved the work but often felt that in different circumstances I could have done something more challenging and with more responsibility.

Then at my daughter's wedding a guest I had never met (a friend of the bridegroom) sought me out and said, "I just want to say what a fantastic job you made of bringing up your daughter, David (the bridegroom) is lucky to have her".

I realised then that paid work is not the only valuable thing we can do. Bringing up a family, caring for sick or disabled parents, all sorts of things are just as important.

Well I'm the same with that.

Actually jingle, I think you'll find that on threads that are supportive I am supportive. If I haven't any experience or knowledge to offer, then I don't post on them. What I'm not supportive of is allowing ill thought through or plainly wrong opinions to remain unchallenged - just like your last one to me in fact.

Good post from janeainsworth I agree that most of us will probably never reach our full potential. We will always regret some things we didn't do, opportunities that came our way that we did not(or could not) make the best of etc. but I still say that someone like yourself Galen has done amazing things, so you must feel a sense of achievement in that. Sometimes when we feel particularly down it is hard to see the good side or the funny side of very much isn't it?

I had a difficult early life - you make decisions at the time that seem the best - but there's nothing you can do about it now. I look at my life like a picture I hang on the wall. Or a book of photos, some good some bad but static, dead. It happened. Nothing can be done to change it, waste of time regretting it, so look to the present, look forward.

I know that. my post still stands.

Jingle; I'm not talking about me, believe it or not I don't think everything revolves around me...I was refering to the OP.

As Iam said, it is no wonder that you are feeling reflective!

I'd suggest CAB too! DS1 had invaluable help from them when he first came back to this country and needed to know what benefits were available and how to claim them. The wait for a suitably qualified person was horrendous but you would be just such a person. It was such a relief to us to have someone who was on 'our side'.

As for your fabulous crochet work, I know that Victim Support used to put better quality donated items on eBay and made quite a lot of money from them. I think there are special arrangements for charities so I would check with your chosen charity.

As for fulfilling my own potential - I have no idea what it was! I have never been ambitious and have always thought that I operate best in a supportive role. I think I've done that and am happy with how my live has turned out. I never gave a thought to the future when I was young but, by a series of happy accidents ( including one involving the Gay Gordon's!) I seem to have succeeded in getting to a good place despite a few sadnesses on the way.

What will happen in the future though?