is this really sexist - someone has to be first

I'm still always addressed as Mrs even though I have been divorced for over 25 years.... it has crossed my mind that maybe I should change it.... but just haven't got round to it yet.

We opened a second bank account, purely to save for holidays; I filled in the form and my name comes first on the paperwork.
We both have the same first initial as well.

Quite a number of women I worked with used their maiden names at work and their married names outside work, although mine had been changed so long ago I used my married name at work.

My DD1 uses Ms. She is divorced and does not want to be known as Mrs
xyz but wants her surname at the moment to be the same as her young son. When he is older she intends to revert to her maiden name .

I'm with those who use Ms if a title is absolutely necessary (nobody wants DH, to whom I have been happily married for over 40 years, to define his name by his marital status, so why should I be expected to?) but regard my Christian name as the only one which belongs to me, any surname being simply borrowed for the time being from some man.

I never understand why so many married women are prepared to let the banks issue cheques labelled John Smith and Mrs Mary Smith. Ours just say J and M Smith, or in the case of the building society, M and J Smith.

A friend was in Germany as a student about 10 years ago, and was called Frau, not Fräulein, even though she was just 18, and I understand that the French are giving up on the use of Mademoiselle for unmarried women, so maybe there is hope for us too. I just wish that someone had thought of a pronounceable alternative for Ms!

I am Ms, when asked, but am happy do do without any such designation. A cousin, widow of a Swede, suggested that I use Mrs but go back to my family name which apparently is the custom in Sweden - if I understood her correctly. I kept my married name so as to have the same name as my two sons - and now five GC. My sister had a good solution. As a doctor she had kept her name professionally and has kept it through two divorces, so has never needed to be Miss, Mrs or Ms.

I think mademoiselle fell out of use a while ago now. I regret its loss - a pretty word, my damsel...

I remember a while ago (90s) some French cabinet ladies wanting to be addressed as Madame la Ministre , rather than Madame le Ministre - which is a matter of gender, not sex. Ministre is a masculine noun...

Soppy lot!

... or was. Looking it up now I see it strangely described as a masculine and feminine noun...

Language evolves, feetlebaum.

On the subject of cheques, the bank probably sets up the designation without mentioning it and the account holders don't see it until they get the cheque book.

Some years ago, I knew two doctors, married to each other, who had different surnames as was the custom in their country (I forget which country that was).
The bank staff persuaded them that they should follow the British custom of being Mr & Mrs Mansname on the cheque books.

I've been a Ms since reverting to my maiden name on divorce in my early 30's. I considered taking my mother's family name but as I'd spent my childhood and early adult life with dad's family name, went back to that. I married again several years later and we have children who have both our names, not double barrelled. One of them married and chose to take her husband's family name, I'm not sure what her sister will do.
Our bank account is in both names with my husband name coming first on all official documents. My husband always raises this when we're at the bank - usually greeted with a blank stare!