Morbid Thoughts

I do sometimes at night. Pretty scary when I think I might not wake up. It has stopped me going to sleep.

It happens to me sometimes first thing in the morning, especially if I've had a bad night. I lie there thinking, how am I ever going to get through all these jobs? Once I get up and going I'm ok.
And I do talk about dying, but I'm not depressed about it.
Husband thinks my obsession with WW2 is morbid.

I have only started to have morbid and depressing thoughts, since I have lived alone. When my husband was alive we always had interesting things to do, and plans to look forward to,I never thought beyond those moments...since living alone I have started new hobbies, joined several organisations, and made new friends. But when the door closes and I am alone again my TV becomes my company...then as an avid reader, I enjoy a good book to read before laying down to sleep....But then the depressing thoughts begin, and the loneliness and morbid thoughts start I wake up every morning feeling unbelievable depressed....once up and active again it all fades away until the next night, and the next, i now dread going to bed I read happy stories, I count my blessings of my health etc....so WHY does this happen..is it part of the fear of dying in the subconscious mind. I expect this is quite common as we become older.

How comforting to know I am not alone with my "anxiety thing" as I call it to myself. And interesting to read about there being two personalities.
One half of me panics and gets depressed and the other half tells it not to be so silly, we've been through all this before and its "all in the mind".
My doctor is treating me for high blood pressure, and I tried to get him to give me some Valium or equivalent, but he is young and wouldn't, as I might get addicted (does that matter at 80) just increased the blood pressure tablets, which makes me a bit zombie like.

I too have found its been much worse since my husband died, though I can remember him saying "if you didn't have anything to worry about you'd worry about that" so I must always have been like this.

The best cure is to listen to radio discussion progs. or watch tv or get lost in a book (I recommend Gransnet Book Club) so that you don't think "how am I" have I got a pain, is my pulse too slow, will I die in Hospital or be allowed to stay at home etc.etc.

Ha Ha, yes I also try and think up names to send me to sleep - a lot of people have names beg. with B I discovered.

I watched a film last night about a giant crocodile that was going around killing people; fell straight to sleep afterwards and didn't to everyone, though...

I have just picked up on this thread. I thought I was the only one daft enough to worry about a) getting old and helpless b) being left alone. My Mum used to say that she rather enjoyed a good worry! but I certainly don't. That old saying "today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday" is useful at times, and I always berate myself for actually wasting precious time worrying unnecessarily - but these thoughts do creep up on me when I am awake in the night. Certainly looking forward to lighter evenings and summer - hopefully we will all feel better then!

Milly just a thought, could it be medication related? Some do seem to affect the mind more than others.

I'm hoping light evenings and sunshine will help, I'm not a winter person at all!

3 am is a really dangerous time. There are things that I just can't help picking over if I'm awake then. I have got better at telling myself not to be so silly because it will all look different in the morning - and it always does!

Wonder if this sort of things runs in families as I know a few people that have suffered from this from quite a young age and eventually realised that other family members were the same. Caused one of them to drink quite heavily. It's only affected me since I've got older but I'm talking about quite young people here. And it's the sort of thing that you don't bring up in conversation generally so tend to think it's 'just you'.

Milly - you are wonderful - 80 and going on line. These young doctors mean well but I do find them difficult to interact with. They are younger than my youngest son and he's coming up to 40.

The thing with valium is that it's very addictive and I'm weaning myself off it at the moment. The doctor offered me a different anti anxiety pill but I decided to stop taking pills altogether - fingers crossed

Hey young woman! "wonderful - 80 and going online"!
I'll be 80 next year and it's going online that keeps me going
Milly - you do seem to have a wonderfully positive attitude.

Respect to you TriciaF for you and Millie.