I don't know whether to laugh or cry!

Mind you, even loving parents can make very hurtful remarks. Both my parents found it a shame and were possibly embarrassed when I started putting on weight in my late 40s. All my family have always been very good looking, slim and very sporty- and 'classy' with it. They often hinted at it, andit got worse rather than better with age. When dad was in OAP home and we visited daily- I always used to chat to the other residents- perhaps dad was a bit jealous. And I overheard him talking to one of the new nurses 'my daughter is the Queen of kindness, he said (ahhh lovely I thought) ... such a shame she is fat'. I nearly died inside. And later I did pluck the courage to tell him so, and found it really hurtful. He apologised- but I knew it made no difference to how he felt about it. But I knew he loved me very much- so that was OK.

I had not read all of this when I posted before. If nothing else, these sad stories show how very strong so many of you have become. to all with these difficult stories.

Oh Kitty. I can imagine that such remarks hurt, even though your mother is probably not fully aware of their impact on you.

Your story has made me tearful as have many others on here phoenix, so much hardship, sadness and cruelty yet you have all managed to survive and thrive. I can only say that I admire you all so much. and ((hugs)) x

Forgive me if I have told this before.

I was born in 1958 to an unmarried mother, as you can guess at that time it was considered the biggest shame imaginable, especially as there were several relatives of my Grandfathers (my mothers father) living nearby.

Once the pregnancy started to show, my mother was kept under "house arrest". (She tells a very funny story about hiding in the pantry when the insurance man came to collect).

After a while she was sent from the family home in Worcestershire to a mother and baby home in London, run by nuns. The family were told that she was "away working in Birmingham".

The plan was that once born, I would be adopted, she could come home and no one would be any the wiser. The rule at the home was that the mother and baby would stay for 6 weeks after the birth while the adoption was arranged.

I was born with a cleft palate, which in those times meant that the baby was very difficult to feed, either by breast or bottle. For whatever reason, my mother decided that she would keep me, and therefore had to return to the village from "working in Birmingham" with a six week old baby.

For most of my life I have been so proud of my mother, and what she went through to keep me, which makes her abandonment of me as an adult hard to bear. I have no idea why she started to behave as she did, and here is not the place to try to explain, but if I can just say that when I thought that if anything would bridge the gap it was when Jack committed suicide at the age of 19, I was very wrong.

Sorry kitty! I thought after I posted 'I'm sure this was meant to be a lighthearted thread'. I have a friend whose mum had dementia.
When my friend visited her one day, the mum said 'my daughter has a coat like yours'. My friend said 'I am your daughter'. Her mum replied 'don't be so ridiculous, you look nothing like her, she's a lot younger than you'. My friend couldn't suppress a giggle even though it was a difficult time.

I think sometimes it is good to know that we were not the only ones to have unkind things said to us. I was the middle child and was constantly told that I was a nuisance and should be sent to boarding school, my father even gave me a nickname which is a synonym for nuisance. At an uncle's funeral someone asked my mother if I was her DD and she said " yes but you wouldn't think so " in her eyes I was more solicitous to my widowed aunt. Ironic thing was that she was not there for her sister when she was widowed, when she got a phone call with the news she told her she was going to a whist drive and would go and see her later

When I started this thread I was aiming for a laugh (at my own expense!!) from my mum's latest utterings. Her offerings are well documented on here and I am no longer bothered by her sayings as DH, and my wider family including my brothers, have all helped me see that I'm worth more than Mum would have me believe.

I'm sorry if I've stirred up unhappy memories for any of you!

Some people on here could write books about their lives and those of their family. More fascinating and harrowing than so called celebrities writing their life stories at the age of 20.

So so sad, I just cannot imagine. How can anyone make their children feel so unloved and unwanted. My dad always told us how he was made very aware that he was the 'last straw'- and should have never been born. he said he never sat on hid dad's lap, or his hair tussled, or a hug, or a kind word. His dad was a roofer, and he fell off a roof when dad was about 12. The older sibblings were sent to New York via train to Le Havre and single tickets- as economic migrants (something many Swiss nowadays tend to want to ignore!)- they all did very well. My aunt Nellie worked as a Governess for the Roosevelt.

Dad was told on week-end, aged 14, that he was to start an apprenticeship as a tailor on the Monday. Last thing he wanted to do- he was bright and wanted to continue to study. His mother was loving and kind- but her reply was 'tough- we've been offered the place, and beggars can't be choosers'. he cried for weeks.

One uncle here married an Italian immigrant. They had 2 boys and 1 girl- all quite dark with jet black hair. Then another girl- very fair and blonde. She died in infancy and my aunt was distraught. When another girl was born, dark and jet black hair- she gave her the same name as the little girl who died- and as soon as she had enough hair- died it blonde- and kept dying it. She is now 67, and still has ash blonde hair. I only found out via a cousin I met in the USA.

I have tears in my eyes reading some of these posts, so, so sad.

Thank you Mishap It was no walk in the park but there are some children who suffer far worse. Unfortunately my older sister suffered terribly at the hands of my father. He seemed to hate her, perhaps because she wasn't his? I won't go into details, poor girl.

What a sad upbringing KatyK - well done you for rising above it.

Such sad stories here. I was one of 7, my baby brother died aged 7 months so my parents had 6 to bring up. They were Irish Catholics so wanting children didn't come into it. They just had us, because they weren't allowed to use contraception. I never felt loved, was never cuddled or kissed, never taken on holiday or had days out - just sort of ignored really and rather neglected. My mother had my older sister out of wedlock before she met my dad, so you can imagine the shame at that time. I was her firstborn with my father, who turned out to be a womanising, violent alcoholic. I always felt that my mother liked me the least out of her children, maybe because she felt she was trapped with him after I was born. Maybe I've got that wrong. I'll never know. We have all turned out decent, hard working people despite it all, apart from one brother for whom it was all too much sadly.

I was my mum's third baby in just over two years. She and her feckless husband (my father) were living in a crowded bedroom at her parent's house along with us babies when I was born so, I always knew that I was an unwelcome addition to the family and I can understand why. When I was a child I was upset by it, but as an adult I've long since come to terms with my less than ideal childhood - mostly because I think it's not personal. Even if I'd been the next Shirley Temple my parents wouldn't have wanted me.

Best of luck Ruby

And good wishes from me too!

I hope everything goes well for your echocardiogram today rubylady, take care x

to all who have posted stories of not feeling wanted, so terrible.

I felt like I was loved and looked after and wanted, until my baby sister came along when I was 15 years old. I felt she had taken over my place. I don't hold this against my sister, it's not her fault but my mum should have known better as she felt that her sister was more important to my grandma than she was so she knew how it felt.

I'm off for an echocardiogram tomorrow and I've turned tonight for some reassurance off my dad, for the first time ever as he was never allowed by my mum to get close to us or us to him.

As an adult I realised that contraception was a bit hit and miss in the past so being pregnant when you did not wish to was very common - I have no doubt that many babes were subjected to the gin!

I am interested in the programme to find out how much alcohol you need to have to cause problems later. A near relative went on several drinking binges in the very early weeks before she realised she was pregnant - she was in the crazy student phase. Her child has a number of concentration and behavioural problems and she often wonders if the booze had anything to do with it. Looking online it does seem that these sort of problems can result from drinking in pregnancy without the full blown FES.

You won't recognise yourself, Mishap. Foetal alcohol syndrome carries recognisable facial deformities and mental disablities.

I'm not sure I want to know! I wonder if that is why I like gin and tonic, though? Programmed from birth?

I am glad that others were on the receiving end of the gin!! - there is a programme on foetal alcohol syndrome tonight - perhaps I will recognise myself!

janerowena That's so hurtful, I was a wanted baby but my mum's awful childhood meant she never knew a mother or any grandparents, and had a pretty disinterested father.
I think she wanted me, as the eldest, to be what she imagined was a 'perfect' child.....which I wasn't! My sisters had a much easier time of it, strangely.