Gransnet forums

Chat

I'm suddenly feeling old!!

(139 Posts)
Katek Fri 12-Dec-14 12:55:05

The train conductor on Tuesday asked me if I could manage at my destination, and when we got there she asked if I needed a hand in getting off!! It was very kind of her to ask, and it was probably prompted by the fact that I had arrived on said train puffing and panting like an old grampus due to only having 1 minute to make the connection and an incipient asthma attack! Still, it's the first time this has ever happened and I suddenly feel like a substantially older person and I'm only (!) 65. I drew myself up to my full 5' and gave her a Paddington stare whilst saying 'no thanks'!

Nonu Fri 12-Dec-14 21:35:47

I would not cringe if someone offered me a seat, I would be glad they took the time , in fact in the USA we , from time to time travel public transport and they ALWAYS offer us a seat, don"t really know why as we are surely not OLD.
I think the word POP is meant kindly, well that is my take on it .
tchsmile

thatbags Fri 12-Dec-14 21:47:23

I agree, nonu. Put yourselves in their place and imagine what it's like to have to say these tedious things umpty-ump times a day. Tiresome little things so they can do boring little tasks over and over again. Quite hard to stay cheerful and chirpy without an occasional pop, eh, my poppets?

absent Fri 12-Dec-14 21:56:13

All this embarrassment about being offered a seat. I am tall and almost always when I travel by train someone asks me to lift his (yes – his) or her suitcase on to the rack for them. Also, in spite of having suspicious bumps on the front of my chest, I quite often get addressed as "sir".

annodomini Fri 12-Dec-14 21:56:21

When I was a child I was taught to give up my seat on a bus to an older or pregnant person and I dutifully did just that as did all my friends. In what possible way was that patronising, or insulting, ethelbags? It was regarded as common politeness if their needs were greater than mine. A habit inculcated in childhood was maintained when I was older and now I appreciate it when this courtesy is afforded me.

thatbags Fri 12-Dec-14 22:01:34

Likewise, anno. I was taught that it is just common politeness and I still think it is.

It troubles me how easily so many of us appear to feel patronised and condescended to so easily. Why so fragile and hypersensitive about such little things?

thatbags Fri 12-Dec-14 22:02:15

Little things arising from politeness and considerateness too!

thatbags Fri 12-Dec-14 22:02:44

Seems to me a lot of the reactions described on here are just churlish.

etheltbags1 Fri 12-Dec-14 22:07:15

Its just the thought that someone thinks I am old, I suppose that in years to come and after many times of being offered a seat Imay get to accept it, I just feel sensitive to being thought of as old, Im just getting used to being 60 and even then 'Im embarrassed by it.
side I think of me as being a teenager still or at least a twenty something and the reality kicks in when Im reminded that Im 60

annodomini Fri 12-Dec-14 22:15:57

It is also common courtesy to accept the offer gracefully.

granjo39 Fri 12-Dec-14 22:19:43

When travelling on a crowded tube a lovely young man stood up and offered me his seat.I thanked him and he replied" It's my pleasure" it made me feel like a million dollars.smile

Ana Fri 12-Dec-14 22:20:03

I agree that the 'popping' isn't actually offensive.

I was actually just trying to make ethelbags feel a bit better because I do know how it can eventually get a bit much, being asked to 'pop' here, there and all over the place! smile

durhamjen Fri 12-Dec-14 22:32:39

When my husband used to fill in forms for DLA, he always used to make himself sound more capable than he was. He was still given the DLA.
After he used the bus a few times and people started giving him their seats at the front of the bus, he realised he could tell the truth. He could never use the bus on his own in case he fell over.

Nonu Fri 12-Dec-14 22:35:52

Well Ethel sweetie ,if you feel old at 60 , how the heck are you going to feel at 70 & 80 and beyond ??
tchgrin

Coolgran65 Fri 12-Dec-14 22:39:20

I don't mind being asked to 'pop' anywhere.... I think staff are trying to be pleasant and friendly. It's a phrase that is likely used all day, every day, regardless of age/gender.

I'm almost afraid to say this..... but could it actually be a sign of getting older that folks sometimes get unnecessarily supersensitive/tetchy and offence gets taken where it is not meant...... as I duck my head under the parapet

Anya Fri 12-Dec-14 22:46:26

I hope those who feel slighted have at least the good manners to refuse politely. There are too many grumpy, bad mannered old people around as it is.

Katek Fri 12-Dec-14 22:47:54

It's ok Coolgran....no ammo left a this time of night! Not sure if it's super sensitivity or tetchiness-in my case I am just surprised, shocked, taken aback by the unexpected realisation that others perceive me as being different (old!) to the way I perceive myself.

Ana Fri 12-Dec-14 23:27:04

Quite understandable, Katek.

And I'm sure we're always polite when declining offers of help which we don't need - we're allowed to air our feelings on here though aren't we? tchhmm

Katek Fri 12-Dec-14 23:29:23

But of course!!

Ana Fri 12-Dec-14 23:31:14

Kate, my last paragraph was not directed at you - I should have said it was in reply to Anya's post, sorry! smile

numberplease Fri 12-Dec-14 23:35:27

I love it when someone offers to help, or gives me their seat, politeness and good manners are all too rare nowadays, so why knock it back?

Katek Fri 12-Dec-14 23:37:09

No problem Ana. I'm not firing on all cylinders at this time anyway!

durhamjen Sat 13-Dec-14 00:02:19

I agree, number. I tend mainly to only go on the park and ride bus these days, but what I do like is that the drivers are always in a good mood, and wait when they see a car going into the carpark, even when they should have left to stick to the timetable.
Haven't met a grumpy park and ride driver in four years. Maybe it's all these happy pensioners with their bus passes.

Eloethan Sat 13-Dec-14 00:13:08

I certainly don't feel patronised or insulted when someone offers me a seat. It's preferable to having to stand up when you're absolutely exhausted while much younger people are seated - especially when on a really crowded carriage.

I think it's a shame when people's kindness and good manners aren't appreciated.

Soutra Sat 13-Dec-14 10:03:39

I am with the grateful and I hope gracious acceptors of seats on tubes or help with luggage. Why should it make me feel old? I know my age and agree entirely with whoever it was who said" Getting older is better than the alternative."
If I don't need a seat e.g.getting off at the next stop I smile, say so and thank whoever. What are we trying to prove? I also echo those who say we should encourage good manners on the part of the young and dare I say it, set a better example.

Nonnie Sat 13-Dec-14 10:35:26

Reading through this thread I was planning to say just what anno has beaten me to say. If someone was brought up to give up their seat to a person they felt needed it more than them we should be glad that such politeness is still happening and make the person offering feel please that they have done so.

Just a point which I am sure you have all heard before - getting old is better than the alternative!