ANOTHER CHRISTMAS GAME

Get in touch with the CIA. Extraordinary rendition is the only solution to this elf threat

muttered the CIA chappie...who was about to log off his pooter...

"This has all gone wrong" exclaimed Jack to the pantomime dame.

Never fear exclaimed the pantomime dame, it will be time for Strictly soon and we can all watch it in soop's kitchen

soop will supply the mince pies and Mr soop is bound to have a bottle of the Scottish nectar to share out between us

Then after that.....

there will be a mystery tour laid on. It's because......

of global warming and Santa's grotto melting - he needs a new hideout!

no one knows where on earth this is going

except for Fairy Dingle who.....

has the latest TOM TOM ..(other map thingy available )

Fairy Dingle went to Emmerdale

And had a few drinks in the Woolpack

because she knew she'd be welcomed with open arms by the rest of the clan, and she was a bit fed up with being led on a wild goose chase by various pantomime characters...

So she got pi***d and....

No she didn't! She's a laydee fairy!

Yes she is a laydee, a small sherry went to her head, so Santa came in his sleigh to take her to.....

Back to his little wooden hut in Greenland so she could do his housework.

and keep his feet warm on chilly nights. Bless!

No! She's not that ladyeelike! She gave Santa short shrift and told him to wash his own socks and bobble-hat, then flew off into the night...

To the Hebrides to get lots of wool off the lovely sheep, to make lots of bobble hats for......

the reindeer who were living in Kintyre and being blown off their feet by a ferocious wind...

caused by an enormous sleigh flying through the sky. 'Help me', cried the fairy. 'I'm.....

out of control...my wand...my wand...where's my wand!

I've an awful feeling that jingle's nicked borrowed it...