Christmas Crackers

Can I pinch that one for DD please, Katek!

And keep them going, everyone, brilliant

What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate clauses! (Boom boom!)

I am hopeless at remembering jokes, but will have to try to remember some of these for the DGC.

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?

A Christmas Quacker!

Why couldn't the cat work her DVD player?
Because she kept hitting the 'paws' button.

Thank you for the giggles ladies. I have just passed on selected ones to DGS (aged 5) and also to our vicar who puts jokes in his sermons.

What does Santa do with fat elves?

He sends them to an Elf Farm!

Just got round to reading this thread. Love the jokes especially your snowman link jings

I'm gonna say that one to my GSs tomorrow VQ.

I put a gold watch X's Mother had given me when DD was born into DD's last year, she is not the crying type but there where a few tears then

What did the sea Say to Santa?

Nothing! It just waved!



I hope you're all gringing nicely by now. Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without some wonderfully gringeworthy jokes.

Sorry sent it twice

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers? In case he got a hole in one

What do you call Father Christmas in the beach?

Sandy Clause!

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Cliff!

What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle Bells.

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers? in case he got a hole in one

DD's favourite joke - What's brown and sticky? A stick!

vampirequeen you've reminded me of how long it took my son to get the hang of jokes. He used to come out with long, complicated stories and expect me to fall about laughing. None of them were even the tiniest bit funny!

Ballsed that up. Blasted keyboard. What is brown and steams out of cows backwards?

That is like another (non-Christmassy) one - ould have typed cowesis brown and steams out of cows backwards? The Isle of Wight ferry.

Yes I know I should have typed Cowes, but that would have given away the punch line. It is really an audio joke, not a written one.

It wasn't that good either!

For flip's sake! It wasn't that bad!

What's pink and wrinkly and hangs out your pyjamas?

Your mum.

(sorry it's not Christmassy)