Effective strategies, please

There was never time for such niceties before school in our house. Just getting them out of the house in time to catch transport was bad enough. You do it Bags. It's part of the washing up process.

What, you're thinking of getting a butler?

ooo not sure what they are and I didn't ever have this problem although I could never get her to tidy her room and she is very messy now. In a small child you would incentivise with a wall chart and stickers can you do something similar with a teenager? I'm not sure. She really ought to respect you enough not to expect you to clean up after her though. I think I would just get very cross and that is probably the wrong thing to do. Can you wait for a nice moment when you are friendly together and bring up the subject of clearing up - I'm sure they are expected to clear things away at school?

A hard one. Do you all eat breakfast together?

Sanctions: sticks: dock the spends, grounding, removal of social media, forget to buy favourite breakfast goodies

carrots: long talk about family co-operation, bribery, invite one of her uber tidy friends for a sleep over and comment at breakfast how lovely it is that everyone in the family does their share of tidying and how proud you are of her (that might be a stick, though).

Or, take to your bed and demand that she bring you breakfast in bed as you're too weak to manage any household tasks.

Try letting her get on with it - if you can, leave the things on the table or wherever, so that when she sits down again they are are still there. It takes an awful lot of self control, but eventually the penny does drop. OR you could just accept that she is a lazy teenager and will grow out of it.

Still, at least she eats breakfast. I discovered my daughter was smearing milk and crumbs round the bowl and not eating anything at all. (One of her teachers snitched to me after a lesson healthy eating where she had confessed all.)

I like MiceElf's last one bags

I've tried the "letting her get on with it" with the occasional gentle reminder for months and months.

No, we don't eat breakfast together. DH goes out without breakfast (he's an adult; his choice). DD wants breakfast and gets her own. She can't be arsed getting a plate out so her bread and spread leaves crumbs on the table. It has an oilcloth so no big deal to sweep or wipe up crumbs and any stickiness.

Yes, I know she's a lazy teenager! I just don't think lazy teenagers should be allowed to be slobbish in areas they share with other people. It's selfish. It's my job to teach her not to be selfish.
To be fair, if I was there in the room and asked her to do it each day, she would, but I don't feel I should have to do that over and over again. It would take her half a minute. She is not rushed—gets up at half past six, leaves the house back of eight.

I like mice's last suggestion too but I'm not a good enough actor. Will keep it in mind though...

I used to employ Primtmiss's tactics with lazy teenagers and husband, as well as leaving old newspapers and empty envelopes on the floor to be tripped over. They never noticed!
When DDs left clothes and possessions all over the floor, I used to confiscate them and charge 5p per item to get them back. It worked as long as I could be bothered to enforce it. DD2 (44) is still the same, yesterday's dinner dishes etc always on table and worktops. I don't usually have to see the mess, so it is up to her, although I can't resist tacking the washing up if babysitting.
Good luck Bags

Depends on what else she doesn't bother doing. I managed to persuade my four to wash and iron their own clothes when they reached 13 - I laundered their bedding. The irritation of finding clothes they'd only worn for an hour then thrown in the washing basket vanished and they started hanging some clothes up (never jeans). Are there other tasks minibags does regularly that could offset your irritation about breakfast things, bags?

I suppose its a positive that she eats breakfast at all my DD used to have a Mars bar and a diet coke!! I'm a bad mother I'd usually gone to work by then.

Like you Shy, my daughter is just as bad as she always was, my strategy worked sometimes, but not others, so I did find that really it was easier to go with whatever flow happened at the time. She used to get into the bed the same way it was when she got out, BUT she was always very clean and tidy in herself, and well-presented, kind and good mannered. Still the same, and still my daughter. Fortunately she has a husband who only works three days a week from home, and is quite the house-husband which he enjoys. Just as well.

No, when. During the summer hols I got her to do various household chores (no more than one a day) such as vacuuming, cleaning the bath, helping in the garden. She did these willingly and well and I was impressed. I told her that. I let up during school terms for obvious reasons but I regard this task as part of learning how to be a helpful and considerate human being, and part of a family team. It's not a big deal in itself but her refusal to do it (or to remember to do it) feels like disrespectfulness to me.

jings' point that it is part of the washing up is a valid one. If she or anyone else would therefore like to suggest other ways I can try to teach my daughter to be a helpful and considerate person at home, then I'm all ears and very happy to try alternatives. I was taught that helping to clear up after a meal was just part of polite family life, and something you offer to do at other people's houses too if invited for a meal, whether one does the rest of the clearing and washing up or not.

shysal and printmiss, she can be (and is) as slobbish as she likes in her own room and when she has a home of her own. Shared spaces are another matter.

Buy her this and tell her to use it.

then threaten her with one of these

Ho, Ho, Ho, Jingle.

Bags I think this is one battle you are going to lose in the short term. If it is any help - when my 5 and 7 year olds want to make their own lunch I supply them with a tray to work and eat from. This contains any mess and when they are happy to take the tray outside to shake out the crumbs for the birds. However they are biddable CHILDREN -trying to civilise a teenager is like trying to organise a cat.

I'm not sure about allowing them to be as slobbish as they like in their own rooms.
The room may be theirs, but it's still part of your house.
Children aren't born understanding that if they leave bits of food under their beds, eventually things will grow on them and there will be an unpleasant smell, and the food might even attract vermin.
Similarly they don't automatically know that life is easier, simpler and altogether less stressful, if you don't have to spend hours looking for things because there is 'a place for everything, and everything in its place'.

It was always an uphill struggle for me to be self-disciplined enough to follow my own advice, but I came to realise that an untidy house actually makes me feel quite stressed and not at ease with myself, mainly because I eventually got a cleaner and it felt so wonderful when she'd been, that I was motivated to maintain those standards.

So I don't really agree with leaving the mess for minibags to come home to, as that will reinforce the idea that actually it's normal and ok.

You don't say what you do at breakfast time bags. I always used to set the table the night before, mainly to save time in the mornings, but it sort of set the scene for an orderly day too.

In your position, I would sit with her, make sure she uses a plate (there'll be fewer crumbs that way). You say she would do it if you ask her - so ask her. Teenagers do need reminding on about things (training!) and eventually it will become a habit. What you need to avoid is normalising the bad habit!

Transfer the empty dirty bowl to her pillow and leave it there for her for when she returns from school. Then the same again next day ad infinitum. Nothing said, but I am sure hint will be taken.

I have some sympathy with her as she is probably thinking about her homework, whether she's got her PE kit or whether she will get to sit next to that handsome sixth former on the bus!

Or a discussion of dutles and responsibilities that she can contribute to and sign up to - I'm sure you've tried that.

Being a teenager can be grim - I am sure the breakfast bowl is bottom of the list of her priorities.

Or put the dirty bowl etc in her schoolbag! Failing that put her up for adoption.

sherish

It probably isn't even about the breakfast mess, but a mum/teenager power game. I would make observations that I expect she'll be leaving the usual mess and imply she's a typical, predictable teenager. That'll confuse her into tidying the table up!

Mishap that's exactly what I used to do with my daughter - clear up and put the stuff in or on her bed. She would leave things for me to clear up out of carelessness rather than deliberately, but when I got fed up of reminding her to clear up after herself I told her that I would do it for her, but the consequence was that the mess would be put in her bed. After the first time (and the ensuing explosion from her, which I still remember to this day) she would slip up occasionally, but very quickly came to realise that in the public areas of the house she had to be respectful and clear up after herself or face a bedtime clear up.
My children's bedrooms were their responsibility to clean or not from the age of 14, but every three months or so they were required to have a thorough clean. All of my children now have immaculate homes - including the youngest who is at university.

Leave the mess and the dirty bowl and serve her dinner in it.

I used to dump everything of DD2's left lying around in her bedroom. When it got to the stage of nearly breaking your ankle when you went in there I would yell and shout at her tell her firmly to clear it up. We would re-discover a load of mugs we thought had gone missing and she would re-discover a whole new wardrobe of clothes.