I could kick myself!

Thanks ladies for your comments and for the husbands who looked alarmed at the suggestion of me giving my phone number.

On thinking about it I could have asked him to wait for me and chat to him some more (although his meal for one would have been defrosting!)

I have tried internet dating with the success of only finding guys not suitable and even so you eventually give your number to them in order to make arrangements etc. If I had given my number and he turned out to be a weirdo, then it would only take me to changing my number to get it sorted, which I intend to do shortly anyway.

I know from talking to certain people on here that I am too trusting and can get fooled but I'd rather be like that I guess than be cynical and become like my mother, hard and unloving. I have had abuse most of my life and now would like to settle down with a man who will treat me well and kind. How am I supposed to find that person if I don't take any chances at all and play my life safe all the time. This isn't a rehearsal, this is it. I've probably about 20 years left (due to health conditions) so want to have them with someone loving. I sit on my own night after night, which was fine for a while but I occasionally want some company. Someone to laugh with and share a film or whatever.

He might have someone, who knows? But from the sound of it from what he said (and I know some men can lie, I was married to one), he did sound single. He was lovely though, soft Scottish accent, tall, broad, protective looking. Probably hairy chest to run my fingers....stop it!

I will go back on Saturday and see if he is there, I doubt it really. But from what you have all said, the consensus seems to be to go for it if he is. Who knows how or where we might meet our next victim, lol, but fate sometimes has something in store for us we do not know about, maybe literally.

As for the Tesco man (why are these men supermarket based? ) I haven't seen him again yet, but if I do I will engage him further in conversation and let you know. It's just flirting and testing the waters, something I was maybe better at in my youth but got a bit rusty at when I've been off the dating circuit for some good many years now. I'm just getting back on the horse and finding out who would be suitable. I'm not out on the prowl, looking in men's baskets, checking out their meal for one, lol, I happened to catch this guy's finger with the stick thing I put down to separate groceries and apologised. It got us chatting. You can use that one ladies if you need it, lol.

No, no cafe in supermarket but there are in the village.

I can't do walking clubs due to health issues. But other groups would be a good idea, thanks.

My confidence was a bit low when I came on here first but with chatting to you wonderful people, it has come back somewhat, thank you to you all. My son put me down earlier in a row, making me feel rubbish and yes, he's prob right that I should lose some weight to improve my health so back to Tesco it is then .

It will happen one day and when it does, you're all be welcome to a piece of the celery stick... sorry... cake!

My Dear RUBY your quite honest post made me well up Sweetie.

Don"t know how to advise you

I do know however, that maybe some how , some way something will turn up. Impossible as it may seem!! Keep the faith !!

ruby someone with the guts to try again, like you have, deserves a good man. "Fortune favours the brave". If you can't take an occasional risk in life - how dull and predictable it all would be .

Absolutely, Nonu and Grannyknot! I'll look forward to that bite of celery, rubylady

This is my advice from when I was 50 and my marriage of 30 years had ended. Start doing lots of interesting things; join a walking group or some sort of singles group that gets you out and about. Make your life happy again. Stop looking for someone. And, you know what; that's when you'll meet someone. Even people in my singles group agreed with me. I was the only one not actually looking for a relationship, just frendship and a social life and I ended up with my current partner of 12 years.

ruby I would keep shopping at the supermarket but also look at it as a sign that it would be a good idea to join some groups. That way you could meet some like minded people and maybe some eligible men too.

When I am visiting my son and family in Qld I bike ride every day. I am amazed at the amount of very fit men my age (60s) who are out there cycling. Pity you couldn't join a cycling club. You are only fifty, don't give up and do join some clubs. Good luck.

Thanks again to you all, you really are a lovely bunch of gorgeous ladies.

Nonu I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to get choked up. You have to be honest in life because anything else gets you nowhere in my opinion.

Tegan I'm not really looking for someone, just open now to the possibility.
I have been closed off to it for a while now as I home schooled my son and he needed me. But now he is settled in college, being an obnoxious teenager at times (other times quite caring) and so I know he is back to being what I would call more "normal". He was severely depressed for some time and so needed my attention but with new mates and counselling he seems to be getting on the better side. Plus if he does leave for uni in 2 years, I will be left talking to the dog and budgies, beautiful though they are, they don't answer the questions on Pointless.

I am trying to move house so feel to join clubs in this area might be a waste just yet, as I need energy to shut up shop here. I will, and have already earmarked places in which I can take up classes when I move into the new area, a dancing class (even if I just have a quick shuffle), swimming, maybe painting, choir, and even some amateur dramatics if I can find somewhere. Face the fear and do it anyway, eh girls?

rubylady. Do you have any femail friends that you can go out with.
You say you are 50. In my area (Southend) we have a very live music scene and there are many women your age and older who go to these clubs and pubs.
Another place I have noticed a lot of men on their own is the computer section of our Library.

The leisure centre is usually full of men and women; I did the gym this morning and went to the ladies only sauna but got chatting to people and it ended up being mixed sauna time; it was a bit like being on holiday where you think you wouldn't dream of walking around half clothed but after half an hour it just seems normal, and you're stood there wrapped in a towel chatting to the guy next to you as if he was a long lost friend. So, when you move can I recommend your local leisure centre. People are really chatty and friendly there; I've only been going for a week and I love it.

Bit off topic ... but ruby did mention the programme

www.gransnet.com/forums/pictures/1209498-Pointless-photo

petra I'm not needy. I have managed all my life not needing to be with a man. Even as a teen when other girls would be throwing themselves at boys, I kept myself to myself and only lost my cherry to the man I married. But there is a difference to wanting to now be in a relationship. This does not mean I will be going out with a big net to catch the first available soul. It means taking my time to find exactly the right one. After a violent man who pinned me down on the settee with his forearm across my throat and was headbutting me at the same time, I intend to find someone, if there is someone out there, who will never even dream of doing something like this to me. I think it takes a lot of guts to trust a man again after what happened. This was the last incident, I left him after this as I witnessed my parents taking chunks out of each other for over 40 years and I didn't want my kids to witness the same. Along of course with not deserving of such treatment. So I really don't think that I am needy. I have brought two children up to university standard without the help of any man. I will also keep my own home as I lost my marital home and thousands with it so no going down that road again. But I want some company, part time, going to cinema, meals, watching tele, seaside etc. And in time I will find it or I will make a happy life for myself like I have done for the last 14 years and the last 10 years of my marriage I lived a one parent family existence due to him not being bothered about family life. (He slept on the settee for the last 4 years of my married life). I stayed because I thought things would change until the throttling incident. What's wrong with just wanting to feel someone's arms around you?

p.s. My mother also took chunks out of us kids for over 40 years too. And made us turn against my dad, hence no relationship with him until they divorced.

My brother and I came home from primary school one day for lunch (I was about 8 my brother about 10). We knocked on the front door, then on the back, then back round to the front. My brother said to leave it and go back to school (maybe he knew more than me). I knocked again and my mother ran downstairs, dragged us in, belted the hell out of us for waking her up and sent us back to school with no food.

My brother had an asthma attack at the caravan they owned. He was coughing really badly. My mother threw him outside onto the metal steps and locked him out.

My mother took a knife to my dad, cut his arm open, blood everywhere.

Frequently the middle glass sliding patrician doors would get broken during a row. I have scars where I had to take the broken glass out and cut my forearms doing so.

This is just a snippet of the abuse which my siblings and myself since we left home. She has continued, not violently, but mentally and emotionally ever since. Until two and a half years ago when she screamed at me that I was dead to her. I have refused to see her since until I got a phone call saying that she was not long for this world. I did go and see her, she was sat watching the television awards with a cup of tea and cake. No apology, just as though everything was ok. Even with a comment of "Life is too short to fall out". I again refused to visit. I am not going again. I have suffered enough at the hands of that woman. She taught me how to parent and it has had effects on my own relationship with my daughter.

This year was the year to sort out who was there for me and who wasn't. I promised myself at the New Year, a resolution if you like to only continue relationships where I get back as much as I put in (over time). So some have had to go. And now to rebuild and take care. I have been left with a feeling of not being worthy of anyone's love and affection. Maybe that is what I am looking for, affirmation that I am.

Sorry for the long winded post. I just had to get this out really. x

partition doors

Sounds as if you have suffered a lot in your relationships even as a child. You say your husband was violent, was the boyfriend you remember different or has your memory played tricks, wiping the bad bits but remembering the good? If you can be realistic ypu stand a better chance of not repeating the mistakes you made choosing a wrong 'un but a chat-up in a supermarket queue sounds risky at the best of times.

I don't think rubylady is suggesting jumping into a relationship on the strength of a "chat up" in the supermarket, but as a chance to perhaps have a coffee together and find out more about each other.

You have had a hard time rubylady and I really hope you find what you are looking for.

Go for it Ruby . At our age (speaking personally of course) we seldom meet a man with whom we feel a connection. I'd be at that supermarket every day.If he's buying another bottle of gin in less than a week though, I'd steer clear!!
What harm can a coffee do as long as you are careful

It's surprising where you can meet someone rubylady - I was at the garden centre with my youngest GD and had a chap following us and trying to talk to me (too much though and I wanted to get my things and just go). We ended up hiding from him behind the evergreens lol and my GD was saying 'Nanny, he fancies you' I think he was interested but I'm not so I didn't encourage him but this tale is to show that you can meet anyone almost anywhere at any time - it just takes keeping your eye open

Your mother most likely needed medical treatment that was, sadly, not available then rubylady. Today she could have been helped. And life made better for her children.

Some people are just plain bad jings, shouldnt be parents and deserve to be left to endure a lonely old age. Ditch her ruby she doesnt deserve you.

I'm sorry sunseeker I had formed the impression that this thread (and the Tesco delivery man) were precisely what it was about!

It's never too late.
I left a marriage after 22 years with a man with severe mental health issues.
Two years later I met my now husband of 10 years, and we were together for 7 years before marriage. We met at a house party that I reluctantly went to. He was a brother of a friend's partner.
We chatted on and off for most of the evening and he drove me home to save me getting a taxi. We went to a movie the following week.
I rented out my house for the first 3 years after we got married.
Fortunately it sold when property was at it's peak... and it is safely invested !!
I was 48 when we met and he was 43.
We are now both pensioners

Thank you to sunseeker, atqui, hollydaze, WBundecided, and coolgran you all hit the nail on the head.

jingle My mother had plenty of counselling. She just didn't want to change and is still the same to this day. So best left alone.

soutra I do not want to jump into any relationship without getting to know someone really well, and even then I will be careful as I courted my ex husband for 3 years before marriage. But then I wouldn't live with anyone again for a very long time. And no, my ex boyfriend was lovely, so there are men out there who are different from the controlling bully I married. I am not going out seeking these men, they just start chatting to me. I can't help it if men find me easy to talk to and attractive. But just because they chat doesn't mean I am going to jump into bed with them, I'm a little bit deeper than that.

ruby I love your attitude

hey Rubylady.
Three things - 1. you are still attractive. He liked you. You sensed that he and you could meet again. You've still got what it takes! Excellent.
2. You were unprepared. Fair enough, you weren't expecting him to suddenly appear. Don't fret about this, use it.
3. The chances are, he will not be at the supermarket again. Don't waste your time looking for him.
The important thing is - you are attractive. A random stranger finds you attractive. This is good.
Be prepared for the next time it happens. If it's happened once, it will happen again.
Here is my advice. (a)Get yourself some cards printed. Vistaprint are really cheap. Name. telephone number. Don't put anything else. If you are in the same situation again - give him your card. Lightheartedly. Practise saying "here's my card, if you feel like getting in touch!" And walk away. (Sexily)
(b) Get a cheap mobile. This is the number you put on the card. If you want to answer it you can-yay! If you have cold feet, then don't.
You are in control of your destiny. Go with it.

Thank you Grannyknot .

summerlark I love your name, very cool. I also love your post especially getting a separate phone, good idea. I will have to put this into action.
You are right, I wasn't prepared, always first too late, lol. And you really don't know unless you ask, do you? What is he going to do in a packed supermarket? And if you arrange to go somewhere that is public too, which I would do on a first date, then I can always get away if need be. But I'm sure not all men out there are bad 'uns.

I do have some business cards but with my writer's name on them and my normal telephone number. I will have to sort out some special ones especially for all the men in my life, lol. It will be like the White house hot line!

Anyway, how on earth could I have a man full time in my life? I wouldn't have time then to come on here and chat to you wonderful ladies and gents. That is not going to happen, they aren't that important.