I could kick myself!

.Atqui I will let you know if I meet him or any other lovely man who sweeps me off my feet. It is worth waiting for.

"You block your dreams when you allow your fear to become bigger than your faith"

Ruby Hope you will let us know if you DO meet him again!!!

On second thoughts it could make a plot line for a "granny chick lit" like that Walk in the Park book we had a while sgo - a bit formulaic but I suppose there's a market for it?

Well if you have been single throughout most of your forties what have you been waiting for? Surely you can do better than an "older" man in the check out queue with his bottle of gin ?

Well then I'll have to look desperate.

The alternative is buying a habit and taking a vow of celibacy, and at only 50 years old, I am not willing to give up on life just yet!

Men beware!!! Here I come...lol.

I have often found that one of the liberating aspects of getting older is that you can chat to total strangers often at length wirhout looking as if or indeed feeling that they, are "on the pull". Perhaps too much is being made of this chat in the supermarket queue-not exactly Brief Encounter, just one of those pleasant interludes which helps make the world a nicer place. Give out cards with your phone number? Now that does look desperate

Thank you Grannyknot .

summerlark I love your name, very cool. I also love your post especially getting a separate phone, good idea. I will have to put this into action.
You are right, I wasn't prepared, always first too late, lol. And you really don't know unless you ask, do you? What is he going to do in a packed supermarket? And if you arrange to go somewhere that is public too, which I would do on a first date, then I can always get away if need be. But I'm sure not all men out there are bad 'uns.

I do have some business cards but with my writer's name on them and my normal telephone number. I will have to sort out some special ones especially for all the men in my life, lol. It will be like the White house hot line!

Anyway, how on earth could I have a man full time in my life? I wouldn't have time then to come on here and chat to you wonderful ladies and gents. That is not going to happen, they aren't that important.

hey Rubylady.
Three things - 1. you are still attractive. He liked you. You sensed that he and you could meet again. You've still got what it takes! Excellent.
2. You were unprepared. Fair enough, you weren't expecting him to suddenly appear. Don't fret about this, use it.
3. The chances are, he will not be at the supermarket again. Don't waste your time looking for him.
The important thing is - you are attractive. A random stranger finds you attractive. This is good.
Be prepared for the next time it happens. If it's happened once, it will happen again.
Here is my advice. (a)Get yourself some cards printed. Vistaprint are really cheap. Name. telephone number. Don't put anything else. If you are in the same situation again - give him your card. Lightheartedly. Practise saying "here's my card, if you feel like getting in touch!" And walk away. (Sexily)
(b) Get a cheap mobile. This is the number you put on the card. If you want to answer it you can-yay! If you have cold feet, then don't.
You are in control of your destiny. Go with it.

ruby I love your attitude

Thank you to sunseeker, atqui, hollydaze, WBundecided, and coolgran you all hit the nail on the head.

jingle My mother had plenty of counselling. She just didn't want to change and is still the same to this day. So best left alone.

soutra I do not want to jump into any relationship without getting to know someone really well, and even then I will be careful as I courted my ex husband for 3 years before marriage. But then I wouldn't live with anyone again for a very long time. And no, my ex boyfriend was lovely, so there are men out there who are different from the controlling bully I married. I am not going out seeking these men, they just start chatting to me. I can't help it if men find me easy to talk to and attractive. But just because they chat doesn't mean I am going to jump into bed with them, I'm a little bit deeper than that.

It's never too late.
I left a marriage after 22 years with a man with severe mental health issues.
Two years later I met my now husband of 10 years, and we were together for 7 years before marriage. We met at a house party that I reluctantly went to. He was a brother of a friend's partner.
We chatted on and off for most of the evening and he drove me home to save me getting a taxi. We went to a movie the following week.
I rented out my house for the first 3 years after we got married.
Fortunately it sold when property was at it's peak... and it is safely invested !!
I was 48 when we met and he was 43.
We are now both pensioners

I'm sorry sunseeker I had formed the impression that this thread (and the Tesco delivery man) were precisely what it was about!

Some people are just plain bad jings, shouldnt be parents and deserve to be left to endure a lonely old age. Ditch her ruby she doesnt deserve you.

Your mother most likely needed medical treatment that was, sadly, not available then rubylady. Today she could have been helped. And life made better for her children.

It's surprising where you can meet someone rubylady - I was at the garden centre with my youngest GD and had a chap following us and trying to talk to me (too much though and I wanted to get my things and just go). We ended up hiding from him behind the evergreens lol and my GD was saying 'Nanny, he fancies you' I think he was interested but I'm not so I didn't encourage him but this tale is to show that you can meet anyone almost anywhere at any time - it just takes keeping your eye open

Go for it Ruby . At our age (speaking personally of course) we seldom meet a man with whom we feel a connection. I'd be at that supermarket every day.If he's buying another bottle of gin in less than a week though, I'd steer clear!!
What harm can a coffee do as long as you are careful

I don't think rubylady is suggesting jumping into a relationship on the strength of a "chat up" in the supermarket, but as a chance to perhaps have a coffee together and find out more about each other.

You have had a hard time rubylady and I really hope you find what you are looking for.

Sounds as if you have suffered a lot in your relationships even as a child. You say your husband was violent, was the boyfriend you remember different or has your memory played tricks, wiping the bad bits but remembering the good? If you can be realistic ypu stand a better chance of not repeating the mistakes you made choosing a wrong 'un but a chat-up in a supermarket queue sounds risky at the best of times.

partition doors

p.s. My mother also took chunks out of us kids for over 40 years too. And made us turn against my dad, hence no relationship with him until they divorced.

My brother and I came home from primary school one day for lunch (I was about 8 my brother about 10). We knocked on the front door, then on the back, then back round to the front. My brother said to leave it and go back to school (maybe he knew more than me). I knocked again and my mother ran downstairs, dragged us in, belted the hell out of us for waking her up and sent us back to school with no food.

My brother had an asthma attack at the caravan they owned. He was coughing really badly. My mother threw him outside onto the metal steps and locked him out.

My mother took a knife to my dad, cut his arm open, blood everywhere.

Frequently the middle glass sliding patrician doors would get broken during a row. I have scars where I had to take the broken glass out and cut my forearms doing so.

This is just a snippet of the abuse which my siblings and myself since we left home. She has continued, not violently, but mentally and emotionally ever since. Until two and a half years ago when she screamed at me that I was dead to her. I have refused to see her since until I got a phone call saying that she was not long for this world. I did go and see her, she was sat watching the television awards with a cup of tea and cake. No apology, just as though everything was ok. Even with a comment of "Life is too short to fall out". I again refused to visit. I am not going again. I have suffered enough at the hands of that woman. She taught me how to parent and it has had effects on my own relationship with my daughter.

This year was the year to sort out who was there for me and who wasn't. I promised myself at the New Year, a resolution if you like to only continue relationships where I get back as much as I put in (over time). So some have had to go. And now to rebuild and take care. I have been left with a feeling of not being worthy of anyone's love and affection. Maybe that is what I am looking for, affirmation that I am.

Sorry for the long winded post. I just had to get this out really. x

petra I'm not needy. I have managed all my life not needing to be with a man. Even as a teen when other girls would be throwing themselves at boys, I kept myself to myself and only lost my cherry to the man I married. But there is a difference to wanting to now be in a relationship. This does not mean I will be going out with a big net to catch the first available soul. It means taking my time to find exactly the right one. After a violent man who pinned me down on the settee with his forearm across my throat and was headbutting me at the same time, I intend to find someone, if there is someone out there, who will never even dream of doing something like this to me. I think it takes a lot of guts to trust a man again after what happened. This was the last incident, I left him after this as I witnessed my parents taking chunks out of each other for over 40 years and I didn't want my kids to witness the same. Along of course with not deserving of such treatment. So I really don't think that I am needy. I have brought two children up to university standard without the help of any man. I will also keep my own home as I lost my marital home and thousands with it so no going down that road again. But I want some company, part time, going to cinema, meals, watching tele, seaside etc. And in time I will find it or I will make a happy life for myself like I have done for the last 14 years and the last 10 years of my marriage I lived a one parent family existence due to him not being bothered about family life. (He slept on the settee for the last 4 years of my married life). I stayed because I thought things would change until the throttling incident. What's wrong with just wanting to feel someone's arms around you?

Bit off topic ... but ruby did mention the programme

www.gransnet.com/forums/pictures/1209498-Pointless-photo

The leisure centre is usually full of men and women; I did the gym this morning and went to the ladies only sauna but got chatting to people and it ended up being mixed sauna time; it was a bit like being on holiday where you think you wouldn't dream of walking around half clothed but after half an hour it just seems normal, and you're stood there wrapped in a towel chatting to the guy next to you as if he was a long lost friend. So, when you move can I recommend your local leisure centre. People are really chatty and friendly there; I've only been going for a week and I love it.

rubylady. Do you have any femail friends that you can go out with.
You say you are 50. In my area (Southend) we have a very live music scene and there are many women your age and older who go to these clubs and pubs.
Another place I have noticed a lot of men on their own is the computer section of our Library.

Thanks again to you all, you really are a lovely bunch of gorgeous ladies.

Nonu I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to get choked up. You have to be honest in life because anything else gets you nowhere in my opinion.

Tegan I'm not really looking for someone, just open now to the possibility.
I have been closed off to it for a while now as I home schooled my son and he needed me. But now he is settled in college, being an obnoxious teenager at times (other times quite caring) and so I know he is back to being what I would call more "normal". He was severely depressed for some time and so needed my attention but with new mates and counselling he seems to be getting on the better side. Plus if he does leave for uni in 2 years, I will be left talking to the dog and budgies, beautiful though they are, they don't answer the questions on Pointless.

I am trying to move house so feel to join clubs in this area might be a waste just yet, as I need energy to shut up shop here. I will, and have already earmarked places in which I can take up classes when I move into the new area, a dancing class (even if I just have a quick shuffle), swimming, maybe painting, choir, and even some amateur dramatics if I can find somewhere. Face the fear and do it anyway, eh girls?