Gransnet forums

Chat

DD3 is married to an idiot!!

(58 Posts)
kittylester Tue 15-Apr-14 10:09:05

Some of you might remember that DD3 is married to an older man (almost 50 to her 27!) and has two tinies (aged 2years 3 months and 1 year)

They had two children quickly as the SiL is not getting any younger. He works away during the week while DD stays at home with the children. You might also remember that the littlest one has been in hospital overnight, twice, lately with a virus that is making her wheezy and short of breath. As we live 5 minutes drive away we pop over and stay while DD takes her to hospital.

DD has, unsurprisingly, had a couple of panic attacks which have involved us driving over and looking after the children while she takes herself off to hospital. After the second attack of this type DD3 went to the GP, was prescribed Citalopram (sp??) and put on a waiting list for CBT - first appointment at the end of April.

DD3, and DH and I, asked the idiot if he could take a day off in the week (it's his company employing approx 20 'lads') and come home as DD is stressed/depressed but he can't because DD3 'does his head in and the house is a mess!'

Sorry to rant about him but DH and I are boring each other with our frustration at his behaviour. angry

specki4eyes Sat 19-Apr-14 14:05:56

kitty - I did take my youngest on one side before the marriage and ask what he thought he was doing. He agreed that there was a problem and came home for a week, then went back to her saying that he missed her. I also asked for clarification from my eldest when his new wife was clearly taking him rapidly to the cleaners. This resulted in him not speaking to me for 7 months. Soon after this the twins were conceived and it was all too late.

My dog and my cat give me infinite adoration and no trouble! Need I say more?

kittylester Sat 19-Apr-14 14:25:43

Actually, I do think that marriage is a pot luck affair really. DH and I have grown together rather than apart but it is more by luck than judgment I believe.

But it doesn't stop one worrying about or being hurt for them when they get it so obviously wrong. The risk of causing a split with them, as I said above, could result in them having no where to turn when/if it all goes wrong.

Nelliemoser Sun 20-Apr-14 10:56:08

Reading Kitty and Speckies posts is interesting. The idea that our children make their choice of partner/marriage, based on how they viewed our choices, does not seem to work out.

I did think that choices of a partner was usually reflected by parental example but I am not so sure now. Perhaps my relationship was not in the state of near collapse it is now when my children were still at home.

Yes I also feel I am to blame in some way.

I do have reservations about my sons relationship in particular and my DDs husband seems far too addicted to his computer games and rather OCD about tidiness etc.

Its very hard to acknowledge that you have worries about your kids relationships, We all like to "pretend" it's all happy successful families.

(((hugs))) to all in this situation.

kittylester Sun 20-Apr-14 11:05:48

It's flipping hard being a parent, isn't it! tbusad

annsixty Sun 20-Apr-14 11:06:12

Oh yes Nelliemoser I have admitted to myself for some time that my D's marriage was not working but as far as friends and other family are concerned there is no problem .I wonder sometimes if I am being given the same impression as to the "wonderful marriages" of their own children.

kittylester Sun 20-Apr-14 11:07:28

Meant to add, DD3 is coming with DS1, Dh and I to DD1's house today for lunch, leaving the idiot to look after his two little one and his two older children. Bet they go out for lunch! tbuangry

Grannyknot Sun 20-Apr-14 11:17:00

I bumped into a friend the other day, the first thing she did was wail "I hate being a parent to adult children!"

She has 4 children all in their 20s and early 30s. I laughed because she doted on them when they were little. I also laughed because I know what she means!