We're not 'The Elderly'

I qualify as a boomer (just- born 1964) and am a grandmother, yet I still have a nine year old child at home,so I definitely don't consider myself old or elderly. I guess I'd say middle-aged, if asked. But my parents are 70 and 71, and I wouldn't call them elderly either,given their health and vigour. I definitely associate the term elderly with frailness.

But comparatively old (compared to a very large proportion of the population) and therefore on the old side or, as they say, elderly. They could hardly call her young.

I think it is the association of elderly with frailness that is the problem, not the actual word elderly. Not all elderly people are frail just as not all young people are full of beans. Some young people are frail. Young, middle-aged, old, elderly – they are all just quite useful descriptive terms about age. If people attach connotations such as frail to them, that isn't the fault of the user of the word elderly.

It's impressive for a sixty-one year old to fight off an intruder with a rolling pin, even if she is a fit and strong sixty-one year old. That's all the example is saying, IMO.

I mean I never think of myself as elderly Bags and it brings me up short as I don't think my family think of me as elderly, but I'll perhaps ask them.

Why does it matter though, aka, if someone else thinks of you as elderly? It doesn't change how you feel in and about yourself.

Mr Aka is on the phone comparing prostrate readings with his mate!

I'm happy to think that some/many/all other people see me as getting old.

Mainly because I am, as one does, if one doesn't die young.

It doesn't so much matter Bags more a 'oh would the Lord the gift tae gie us tae see ourselves as others see us' (probably a misquote but you get the drift)

Yep

I like being called Mrs. -I wasn't anyone's property, it just marked our partnership and I like to keep that feeling.
I don't like being called by my first name inDr,s ,hospitals etc,and specially not by younger (sometimes very young) carers (I needed help after various operations). They -the carers - were mainly very good, but I don,t feel quite ready for "Sit on the bed for me, Judidoo!" or "I_ know how to do it! You just get out of my way now. _I,ve made porage for years!" Me, (in thought only), "Not as long as I have, and I like mine done my way, and it's my house we.re in", I was not well enough to argue, at the time. Dread the thought of being totally helpless......
Anyway I have to go shopping now and shall be really glad of a bit of help with top shelves etc as aforementioned.
I think I will get myself a treat today!

In hospitals here you are always called, Madame/Monsieur *******.
On my fourth time in one hospital I had alway had the same cleaner for my room, she is lovely and I asked her to call me by my Christian name, she was quite shocked and said that would be very lacking in respect, all the staff were the same from the Surgeons to the porters.

My pet dislike is 'lost' I didn't lose my husband. He died. I'm not that careless that I could misplace a bearded, bald, bespectacled male!
I don't know where he is? His ashes were scattered in Tor Bay so he could be conversing with Peter Scott by now!

Felice I wish they would go back to Mr and Mrs here in hospital! I get called by the name I have never used and when I tried to change it so that I would know they meant me when they called or woke me up, they behaved as though I was being pretentious. They put 'prefers to be called Lily' on my notes but everyone ignored it anyway. I'd rather be called sweetheart, darling, love, gorgeous, all of which I've been called in the past month.

I was usually told to refer to parent's friends as Mr or Mrs x and occasionally Auntie N or Uncle N.
I have noticed the "Aunt and Uncle bit seems to occur with a lot of Asian families when they address older family members or friends.

It seems to be purely a mark of traditional courtesy. I think this has an important place particularly if it is a cultural thing that some older generations expect.

Why, since I got older, do I find such things as this sort of formal good manners increasingly important?

I did a bit of teaching in College and the 'best practise' is to refer to Tutor's by their first name.

Couldn't make my mind up if it was good or bad.

Mr and Mrs Kelly over the road when I was a child will still be referred to as that all my life. All my teachers remembered by their nicknames when me and my old mates get together but would never have done so to their face.

I think 'the facebook' is too young for me and prefer 'the twitter' which is a bit more grown up (maybe it's its famous advocates of a similar age - Stephen Fry?) This thread also alluded to by original post's organisation's twitter account @generboomer.

Now George Formby I see there - that makes me smile. If I show it to my kids - they haven't got too much patience. Ditto Stan and Ollie, The Marx Bros, Fred and Ginger - shame (maybe they'll come back).

Just been told by a lady 'don't get old nurse...! ' my reply was 'I don't plan to die young....my patients are a treasure. If I am down generally someone will make me smile....

I'm happy [at 73] to have my first name used by anyone. It's me - my identity not just a signifier of being linked to someone else.
I don't care who knows my age. It's just a number. We all know how we feel as a person inside. Down with labels!

Precisely how I feel, rozzo55. Are you a newbie? If so, welcome.

rozzo hello! That's just why I don't like being called by a name I've never used!

I get that Lily. I haven't ever been known by my full name (except by my mother) and hate it. I particularly hate it when someone shouts it across a crowded waiting room.

I might have to rethink that though because we were recently served tea by someone with my name and it really suited her.

Hello rozzo if you are new

I called my university tutors by their first names in the 1970s. They asked us to. Since then I've hardly ever called anyone by their title and surname and hardly anyone has called me anything but my first name. It has never occurred to me that any of this could be disrespectful, probably because it isn't.

Your first name is who you are. I'm thinking of the film in which the main character is given a native North American name: "Dances with Wolves". I love that idea of giving someone a name that distinguishes them from others by their behaviour or their talents, etc. Tag on surnames and titles are just useful extras in some (not many) circumstances.

Have you been mixing in royal circles kitty?

bags - my lodger in the 80s got labelled 'Washes Everything'.........

After we saw that film.