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Single mother by choice - is it ethical?

(90 Posts)
harrigran Thu 06-Mar-14 19:05:38

I know someone who refers to her child's father as ^ the sperm donor ^, I think if she had been younger she may not have had the child but she was over 40 and not in a stable relationship but saw it as her last chance at motherhood. She was an adequate mother but not a good example of a single parent.

Nonu Thu 06-Mar-14 18:27:45

I heard of a young woman , who announced her partner , who she divorced later, was merely a sperm doner.
I am afraid I found that quite appalling , how must he have felt . he was a decent lad !
[shocked]

mollie65 Thu 06-Mar-14 18:27:04

having brought up my son on my own (he is now middleaged smile) I feel there is a differance between choosing to be a single parent (IVF or artificial insemination) and being unfortunately pushed into the situation.
there is also the issue of when the child reaches adulthood and wants to know his or her origins - how will that pan out when his father is an anonymous donor.
my son is very well-adjusted and I always worked full-time in a fairly well-paid career to provide for us when he was growing up (which is important) but he did miss out on siblings, father/son things and now of course he is being overly concerned about looking after my welfare because I am on my own.

JessM Thu 06-Mar-14 18:26:58

Fathers are normally sperm bank donors.

rosequartz Thu 06-Mar-14 18:19:44

I wonder how the fathers feel, whether they would like to be more of a part of their child's life or are quite happy to opt out?

granjura Thu 06-Mar-14 18:14:34

There are some amazing one parent families out there- that is so true and for all sorts of reasons. It can be done, and done well- but I do not agree with that choice made from the start.

rosequartz Thu 06-Mar-14 17:55:50

Single parent families seem to get blamed for a lot of the problems in society, but there must have been a lot of single parent families after the last war due to widowhood who managed somehow on very little money to bring up children who turned into responsible adults.

mollie Thu 06-Mar-14 17:49:13

I don't think we can generalise. There are some brilliant single parent families and some cr*p traditional two-parent families. And vice versa. That a child is loved by someone has to be the most important thing.

Ana Thu 06-Mar-14 17:42:39

I heard on the radio today that a woman has won her bid to save her deceased husband's frozen sperm from being destroyed - she said that two years wasn't long enough to decide whether to use it or not.

I'm not sure whether I think being a single parent in that situation would be ethical or not - I do think it would be hard for the child to come to terms with, though.

rosesarered Thu 06-Mar-14 17:30:14

As Jingl says, also if she has enough money to not have to worry about being at home with her child. If she doesn't expect the State to pay then I think it is ethical, and she will love the child and the child will be very wanted.Which is more than a lot of children in this world are.

jinglbellsfrocks Thu 06-Mar-14 17:29:27

That post is confusing. I meant the "only" as in children only. Iyswim!

baubles Thu 06-Mar-14 17:28:17

I suspect there is an element of selfishness in having children whether or not there is a father around. I see nothing wrong in a woman deciding to have a child on her own.

None of us can foresee the future, there are many single parents who didn't set out to be so, your own mother included Jess. There are also those who began to raise their child alone but then met someone who would become their life partner.

jinglbellsfrocks Thu 06-Mar-14 17:27:41

I never knew a father. We lived with my granny who looked after me when my mother was working. I did n't feel any need of a father. I was fine, as only children can be. hmm

jinglbellsfrocks Thu 06-Mar-14 17:24:41

Maybe if there is a very strong extended family....?

JessM Thu 06-Mar-14 17:15:49

Here's an ethical question I sometimes think about. Is it fair on the child, or children, for a woman on her own, with no partner, to embark on motherhood? I was brought up by a widow - but her mother effectively acted as a "wife" doing all the domestic work, while my mother went out to work. I know though it was still lonely for her and I missed the presence of a father in my life in childhood and as an adult. When I meet or hear of mothers who have embarked on a pregnancy alone, because they want to have a child I do wonder if it is fair on the child. Or if they realise how lonely it can be. One woman I know of embarked on IVF twins on her own. Is this " a woman's right to choose" or is it selfish?