Whilst the cat's away .......

Mine too annsixty and the next one's on me!

Also Lona if he does stay overnight I will meet you in the snug of Pete's Bar and I will buy the drinks. Mine is always a large G+T.

Thanks Lona I will note your name and quote it if necessary.

Guilt is forbidden annsixty

DH has serious memory problems and relies on me for almost everything. On Monday he fell and fractured two fingers ,displacing one ,and we were told he needs to have it pinned. He is having a brain scan this afternoon so the op had to be postponed and is now scheduled for Monday. The trauma nurse rang me to say that they will do their best to get him home the same evening as he gets very anxious in unfamiliar settings but it all depend on timing,recovery etc. A little demon on one shoulder keeps whispering that 30 or so hours at home on my own might be restful but the po-faced one on the other shoulder is guilt-tripping me.

When ex-DH left for one of his bowling holidays, I would spin around the living room singing 'The hills are alive etc.' When he was due to return I could feel the hackles rising on the back of my neck.
Luckily I am now divorced, so every day I do as I please!

Well the end of this saga is in sight.

I have done all of the things listed on my first thread.

To be honest I feel rather tired as I have been out each day window shopping, have cups of coffee, a lovely toasted sarnie in M and S, and my DS stayed the night whilst he was in the area and we ate his favourite steak and chips washed down with a bottle of red.

Oh I also bought myself a lovely 100% cotton top in a charity shop which originally came from an expensive shop but which I got for £4.75.

I shall pop out for one last free coffee this morning in Waitrose, buy some mince and make DH a scrummy spag Bol.

I am truly looking forward to his return.

I think when you are married and retired there can be a little too much "togetherness". A day off is very welcome now and then. My DH went out for the day today and I was so pleased to have the house to myself for a change - quite a treat.

Yes I know Carnationa if I suggested any of these things he would be fine about them, only concerned I was feeling ill ! I think because he works so hard I don't want to look lazy in comparison.

He has been away helping our DIL with our 2 grandsons 1 and 3, just so I could honour a commitment here at home, she can go to work and our son can be away on tour and not worry about the family, so yet again he is working for all the family.

This how my DH wants to be and nothing will change, his mother was just the same.

I have had a lovely few days totally pleasing myself, however I have plans afoot to do a few more of the things I want when I want.

It's not about feeling guilty. It's about relishing a difference but being happy to compromise for the pleasure of having our DHs in our lives - at least that's how I see it! My DH isn't at all 'managing' but we compromuse and doing something just for ourselves is nice for a change!

nankate why can you not do all those lovely things when hubby is around, after all he is your hubby not your Manager and I am sure he wouldn't mind you having breakfast in bed, would he.

Please don't feel guilty I think most of us can relate to what you are saying about getting some peace.

Ooh, just seen kittylester's post! Yes!!!! Precisely! Plus, he is often only home in the evenings for about two or there hours before he needs to go to bed, so I let him have full control of the tv, which means catching up with all my gory viewing at other times. It's nice to be able to watch DCI Banks at 9pm rather than 4pm.

Ginny I shpuld have said, he hates jacket spuds! Even the smell of them. His mother is no cook and be was brought up on them with various packet toppings.

When I was first on my own it was quite hard. I didn't even know what I liked to eat. I didn't really know who I was at all. I had gone from daughter, to wife, to mother, to grandmother and had never ever been alone. Loneliness has nothing to do with living alone. it is more about being happy in one's own company and sometimes that has to be learned and worked at. I joined a local social club and made many friends, but I had to get out there and find them. I have been living alone for the last 15 years and would be reluctant to live with anyone else again. I love the Internet, can always learn something new and always seem to be busy. I will be 76 this year and am loving every minute of my life.

My DH is away on a "lads' trip" at the moment. I'm enjoying some me time (but would not want to have perpetual me time, my heart goes out to anyone who is alone and lonely). Once the DC know that Dad's away I get a barrage of 'phone calls from them! They either want a gossip, reassurances or to discuss their latest problems- at length. So, my me time is greatly reduced - but only if they know their dad's away...... Out with the marmite and Philadelphia sandwiches and reruns of old favourites!

I think it is really natural to want to have your own space and to be able to do something you like whenever you want. I envy all of you who have had a happy marriage with a DH who compromises for you. However I have recently divorced after a long miserable marriage and will shortly be moving into a new house all on my own. I CANT WAIT! I will eating what I want doing what I want watching what I want and and can please myself 24/7. And I'm never going to feel I have to compromise ( constantly) ever again.

The best thing of all is having custody of the remote control!

I like my own space for a change Kate but would hate to have it all the time and my heart goes out to people who would like the chance to compromise!

Your post says what I think!

It has been a revelation to me that so many of you, just like me, like your own space, eating what you want when you want. Watching trashy telly and not feeling guilty. Reading my thriller for an hour or so at a time in the middle of the day.

I suppose after 42 years we are doing pretty well together and I am grateful to have had a happy marriage.

I will welcome him back tomorrow with a nice meal and won't let on that I have been chatting with my Gransnet pals about the joys of a few days of'Slobbing out' freedom.

Ginny, it's not about being un-relaxed but, in my case for instance, DH hates eating baked potatoes especially on his knee whereas I love baked potatoes and eating on my knee.

It's all about compromise and, certainly from our point of view, very worthwhile! DH compromises too!

DH announced last night that he would be playing golf this morning, which meant he would be going out at 7 a m.

I had my plans. Pottering about and then going out to a nearby town for a look around and a coffe in the M & S café. But just doing what came into my head at the time. No fixed timetable.

When I got out of bed and went downstairs just now, there was DH, all dressed in his golfing clothes, but announcing he was not going after all because he had just discovered only 13 holes were open due to flooding.



I was looking forward to an empty house.

Now DH wonders what I am doing this morning and when!

It's true, as some have said, that all the things I was going to do with DH out of the house I can still do. But it's not the same. I shall be observed for a start and now I've got the option of a companion I might start to think about going further afield.

Well I am being left to my own devices for most of next week as my SO is away for a 70th birthday bash with a school friend, how ever will I manage? We have been married for 48 years (World cup day 1966) and in all of that time I have never been able to manage to do anything without help or assistance, when she returns will she find me still sitting in my chair covered in cobwebs or will the railway layout have receive a long needed revamp? ? Hope she has a great time in The Smoke and I will await her return,,

My husband and I lived apart (he was away at college) for the first year of our marriage and since then he tends to go away on business for a couple of nights most weeks, sometimes for longer. We have separate bedrooms, we each do our own washing and although I usually cook he's more than happy to re-heat or get his own meal if he comes in late. Life for me rubs along pretty much the same whether he's home or away because in many ways we're quite independent of one another. I do compromise a little when he's around; he mostly has use of the car when he's working locally (he hires one for when he's working away), the house is not kept so warm - and I spend less time on the computer or reading, but that's because I prefer to spend the time with him. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be together when he retires, but it's not likely that I shall have much time with him then (if any) because he's ten years younger than me and probably won't be eligible for retirement until I'm eighty.

Many years ago my OH worked away for a year, coming home for a weekend every two or three weeks. I love him dearly but that year I seemed to take control of my life; did the garden, worked, helped my daughter organise her wedding, meals were fun, the children were fun. Unfortunately OH and I argued like crazy when he came back for weekends and it took a while for things to return to normal when he came home full time. Both he and I learned a lot about ourselves and each other and it proved to be a good time.

Now I enjoy a couple of evenings to myself occasionally but it is always good when he gets back safely and Derby and Joan settle in their chairs again.

Gosh, I find it odd that so many of you can't just relax and be yourselves when the SO/DH is around. As far as sarcastic remarks i.e. 'still in your favourite place ' are concerned my DH would get a real earful. janerowena couldn't you still have had your jacket spud. could you not have put one in for him too ? He changed his plans so maybe he could get his own meal ?