If you feel bullied

I think that if any of you were to read any HR department's guidance on bullying you would find that subtle bullying is just as harmful as the more obvious type. Just as any sort of behaviour which makes a woman feel uncomfortable in a sexual sense is considered harassment so is anything which makes someone feel uncomfortable or isolated considered to be bullying.

I like "assertive but courteous"

I'm sorry that Margaret74 has left, and hope she'll return.

To claim there is no such thing as bullying on GN, reminds me of the Headteachers who claim there is no such thing as bullying in their school.

I didn't realise that Margaret74 had left the forum, what a great shame as she always posted interesting and helpful comments in my view.Going back and re-reading the problem thread that caused this, I can see why she felt as she did.Some people were not responding to her OP at all but going off at a [wild] tangent.

I think that bullying is a very serious issue. However I do not think I have ever seen true bullying on GN.
Some posters have made various assertions on threads that others have tried (& sometimes succeeded) to blow out of the water with counter arguments that they have backed with facts. That is not bullying. It might have been aggressive rather than assertive, expressed rudely etc but that is still not bullying in my book! We should not expect to make a controversial statements and not get opposing responses!

To bully you have to pick a 'victim' and deliberately and consistently hurt them, verbally or physically. Most of the 'upsets' on GN are random responses to posts. However if I continue to post comments I know lots of people will firmly disagree with are they bullies or am I just a bit stupid to keep posting?? I do support a particular cause that i know I am in a minority to hold. I do not post this on GN but I do elsewhere and expect to have to argue my case strongly.

Assertive but courteous should be the way forward!

She has left permanently. I tried to reply to her long PM last night to discover that she had gone already so she did not receive mine. I was hoping to persuade her to lurk in the wings until she regained her confidence.

Thanks, whitewave

Very well put Nonnie. Yes, in the past by there'd have been several posters claiming that there is no bullying on GN and that anyone who thinks so is delusional!

Its the "waste of taxpayers" thread - Margaret who posted it has left GN because she felt bullied by the subsequent posts.

Has the thread that this thread is referring to been and gone?

I hope I don't get this thread deleted by talking about another thread

Well this is very different from some of the previous threads about bullying. A lot less suggestion that those who feel bullied are weak or over-sensitive and a lot less of the stridency! Perhaps at last Gn is maturing Its certainly an improvement of previous similar discussions.

I suppose it is too much to hope that people could think before posting about whether they are being patronising? If we feel strongly about something posted perhaps we should read it again and see if we have really got the point and are not going off at a tangent? The OP wasn't in any way having a go at gay people but the thread seemed to go on as if she was!

There are two ways to deal with bullies in my book. Ignore them or, shout back at them louder, they soon whimper or shut up!

I don't know what happened re Margaret74 but I do hope she has not gone as I enjoy her posts.

It's ok Jings you can become un-paranoid

Another who missed whatever it was. I hope all is settled now.

I think one can seem to express a strong opinion without being totally sure one is right. There are very few things I'm absolutely certain about and hearing others' points of view is always useful. Difficult subjects are difficult to talk about so I think one has to allow a certain give.

It's tricky but i think jingl is right when she says that gransnetty persistence helps one to 'toughen up'.

I missed this too! I have never felt bullied on GN but have felt that someone's response to a post has been a bit strident and could have been worded in a different way.

When I think a thread is becoming unpleasant I simply don't read it any more.

I guess so but there are some more sensitive folks than others. I am beginning to come to the conclusion that if you don't like the heat etc meaning leave the thread. We can't expect everyone to take out every word and look at it and try to take everyone into consideration in the middle of a heated debate. But we must at least try not to be unpleasant there are ways of saying things without being nasty or pointing fingers.

I've missed it, as well.

That's okay then, Merlot. I agree there.

I should have said facts are correct, durhamjen and I wasn't just referring to politics.

Me too mrshat, merlot, phoenix and kittylester - no idea what happened but bullying isn't acceptable. It has to be bullying if it feels like bullying doesn't it?

Is there such a thing as a correct opinion in politics, Merlot?
Surely if there was, we would all vote the same way.
I have always discussed politics, but now this is the only place I can, since my parents and husband died. In my granddaughter's favourite word, it would be boring if I couldn't.

I need to join too please, Merlot, Phoenix and Kittylester

Gally you have made everyone paranoid.

It is a bit like driving isn't it? People behave in a quite different way and say things they would never dream of saying normally.

The problem with the controversial subjects is that you have to be 100% certain that your opinion is correct or you'll soon be backed into a corner by the 'take no prisoners' brigade. In real life you can offer a view that might be a bit off track and not expect to be shot down in flames by someone who is so rude you would probably cross the road to avoid them.