On a cruise ship now leaving from Bristol The stewards appear when you whistle. They are handsome, if dim, And fulfil every whim When you corner them under the mistle (toe)
Ok, I am not sure that cruise ships operate from Bristol, and that toe had to be tacked on at the end.
Any more contributions? Must have the rhymes and rhythms correct or they are not limericks. Really authentic ones would have the last line a repeat of the first line, but that does make for a dull finish.
Every time Lady Lowbodice swoons Her bubbies pop out like balloons But her butler stands by With hauteur in his eye And lifts them back in with warm spoons
I wish it to be known that my comment at 08:20:08 today was misguided in its assumption of unkindness. The things itself was not unkind and neither was the intention of the person who wrote it.
I do, however, understand why it was thought to be unkind and that is why I posted it.
There once were two cats from Kilkenny. Each thought there was one cat too many, So they fought and they fit, they scratched and they bit Till instead of two cats there weren't any.
There once were two cats from Kilkenny. Each thought there was one cat too many, So they fought and they fit, they scratched and they bit Till except for their nails and the tips of their tails, Instead of two cats there weren't any.
There was a young woman from 'Pindi Who had trouble when learning some Hindi. When they said 'Dont you know It's like Urdu, but slow', But not not like we speak it in Sindi.
I remember lots of Edward Lear's original limericks - they are not all good.
There was an old man who said 'How, Shall I flee from this horrible cow I will sit on this style And continue to smile Which may soften the heart of that cow'
There was an old man of Cape Horn, Who wished he had never been born So he sat in a chair Till he died of despair That dolorous old man of Cape Horn..
That was an old man in a tree Who was horribly bored by a bee When they said 'Does it buzz?' He replied 'Yes it does - It's a regular brute of a bee'.
And the local hurling team in Kilkenny are known as "the cats" - after the limerick possibly. Thus dismissing the world's literary heritage in a couple of lines nonu What are you on?
Who said anything about dwelling in the past? So what if some of the young don't like it? Are they are the official arbiters of taste or whaat is good? Sounds as if you are saying you don't like literature. Fine, Each to his own. Interesting though that Julia Donaldson has written a sequel to The Owl and The Pussy Cat. She has said that Lear and his wonderful rhymes and made up words were a great influence on her. So that's one more for "literature".
A love-sick young barn-owl in Kew Had a pretty young she-owl in view. He twittered, "I oughter Endeavor to court 'er But I don't have enough wit to woo!"
Two slugs in a vegetable bed Said ' "Lettuce" eat flowers instead.' An hors d'oeuvre of carnations Caused acute palpitations; And now, thank the Lord, they're both dead.
There was a young lady of Ryde Who ate some sour apples and died. The apples fermented Inside the lamented And made cider inside 'er inside.
There was a young man of Cape Horn Who wished that he hadn't been born, And he wouldn't have been If his father had seen That the end of the condom was torn!