There was a young lady from . . .

There once was a lady named Linda,
Who sat all the day by the winda.
Her thoughts set astray
By a nice Cabernet,
While her dinna turned into a cinda.

From the depths of the crypt at St Giles
Came a sound that resounded for miles
Said the brother 'Good gracious'
'Has Father Ignatius'
'Forgotten the Bishop has piles?'

"My dear Mrs. Ormsby-Gore,
I can't carry on any more.
I'm covered in sweat,
You haven't come yet,
Look at the time - half-past four!"

There was an old lady of Boreham
Who tried to make friends on a forum
She made a few pals
Amongst the old gals
But never enough for a quorum.

Greatnan, that is unkind.

I can't get my brain in gear for these limericks at the moment. Once I do I can run them off quite easily. I am only on my second cup of tea at the moment I might wake up later.
They are very funny though.

When I started this thread I hoped that it would NOT succumb to confrontational threads from ANY posters. Please keep the fights out of it.

There once was a lady from Scotland
Who wandered on brae and on wasteland.
When they asked her for why
She replied 'Well I try
To solve an impossible operand'.

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

How about substituting "bogland" at end of second line? Sorry - I could see the first line when in "last hour" mode, and bogland was what I expected to see. Nice limerick - we know who it is about but it is not a dig.

There was an old fellow of Soissons,
Addicted to fish and to croissants.
When someone said "Tosh,
What's wrong with brioches?"
He said "croissants are better with poisons".

Nice try, Grumpa, but that one appeared earlier (as the actress said to the bishop)

The Birmingham one, not the Soissons. You are busy this morning.

People can come and dig on my brae anytime. More the merrier. Rhododendron bashers even more welcome!

Sorry, I only noticed the Buckingham one.

How about

There was an old codger called Hunt,
Who was out with a girl in a punt.
When she sat on his todger
He didn't dislodge her,
But shot all his xxxxx up her xxxx.

Theseus wants to know if anyone knows the rest of this one, please:

A young ladies' choir from Fazakerley
Which numbered 600 exacerly.....

He can't remember the rest, and it's driving him mad!

Suitably unprintable, Grumpa

And a new one!

Oh, I forgot about bogs. There aren't many in the Smoke.

Maybe someone could compose a new ending if we can't trace the original?

And many years ago The Times ran a limerick competition to promote a sort of marginally up market Blue Nun type German plonk called Deinhard Green Label. I didn't bother to enter, but

The Rouge Croix Pursuivant at Arms,
Though rampant was subject to qualms.
Some Deinhard Green Label
Soon stiffened his cable:
Mabel couchant succumbed to his charms.

There was a young lady from Wien,
Who permitted her xxxx to be seen.
When arrested and tried
She hotly denied
That what had been seen was obscene.

I must go and have a shower.

A cold one, Grumpa?

Ariadne I googled Fazackerley and this came up www.liverpool-limericks.co.uk/3.html

Point Theseus to it - it is a book of Limericks and Fazackerley is mentioned in one of them. Only £4.99 + pp. so could be a good investment.

I never thought I would say this, but I think I am just too pure and innocent to join in this thread - besides I'm not very good at finding rhymes.

Ariadne - or 3p used + postage on Amazon.

Anno cheats look on Google.

Grumpa - I posted the bishop of Birmingham one before and HQ deleted it! - I wait to see if yours suffers the same fate!!!

There was a young fellow named Hyde
Who fell down a privy and died
His unfortunate brother
Then fell down another
And now they're interred side by side!

Think about it!!!