Invisible Women

When I was working and turned 50 I noticed I was becoming invisible. I even wrote a letter to the editor of a magazine about it, and it got published.

But now I am 68 it happens less and I don't really know why. Since I was 50 I have been to university, so perhaps doing that and graduating gave me more confidence, and it shows. I don't wear make up as I have dark hair and dark eyes, so i can get way with it. I do dye my hair though - not quite ready to be partly grey. Sometimes I dress boringly, in slacks and top. But when I wear something like a black top, long bright necklace and a long-ish skirt I get noticed more.

Australians tend to be polite, so a queue at a counter usually results in people being served in order.

Sometimes my strong Yorkshire accent gets me noticed too.

I was amused when the audiologist here asked me if I wanted my daughter to accompany me for my hearing test! Considering I had been living alone in a remote Alpine village for several years, and managed to get myself over to NZ safely, I couldn't think what would be intimidating about driving to Richmond, which is about 20 mins away. Still, I am sure he meant well.
As I also open doors for people and used to give up my seat for anybody who seemed to need one more that I did (I rarely use public transport now), I certainly don't feel offended if anyone is equally considerate to me. Some people seem to look for offence!

I didn't feel patronised either! Even in my wildest feminist excesses enthusiasms I never snarled at men who held open doors or offered to carry things and I always encouraged my DS and now encourage my DSG always to offer a helping hand. I was a bit taken aback when someone offered to help me fill in a form the other day but, hey! it made them feel good and didn't do me any harm.

Can't say the no make-up technique worked in not attracting men though . But, as I once said to my dad when he criticised as 'not very feminine' my wearing of some of my older brother's clothes when I was fifteen: "I don't have to try to be feminine. I'm feminine by definition."

Mine too. I've never worn make-up, ever. Hey, maybe that's why I've never felt been invisible. In shops I find the opposite really – assistants offering assistance that I don't want. Where I do want assistance, I just ask for it. Nobody has refused so far.

And mine! (Hope Pete from Lils bars not looking)

I travel alone in all kinds of countries and sometimes get asked by a taxi driver or waiter 'Where is your man?'. I put on a very sad face and say 'I lost him'.
I don't mind doing the little old lady bit if it is useful - like getting people to lift my suitcase onto a train. I never feel patronised - whether or not the other person intends to be patronising!
I think that when you stop wearing make-up and allow your hair to go white, you are giving off a signal to some people that says you are just not interested in attracting men, which is certainly true in my case.

It's very funny when we go to restaurants in Italy because they ALWAYS talk to the man. My Italian is poor but my husband's is much worse, so he spends all his time turning to me for a translation. I then give the order to the waiter who immediately asks my husband about the next course! The trouble is that it makes me look bad because I haven't managed to hook a proper man who could speak decent Italian so I slide even further down the social scale.

Car showrooms seem to be the only places we are not ignored in, every time we go looking for a car they seem to have endless patience while I hum and hah about upholstery colour etc. When we buy the car there is always a large bouquet for me, there are some who recognise the value of the grey pound.

Movedalot...our experience of buying a car was pretty impressive. We went in with something in mind and I quickly hinted that I rarely drive and it was all pretty academic to me BUT the young man who dealt with us throughout the eventual purchase was excellent at including me in everything. He really treated us as individuals looking from my OH to me throughout our conversations. It came as no surprise to me that when we went back a few months later to get some free petrol (part of our freebies), we found out he had been poached by a bigger garage!

On a cynical note, Movedalot, it could have been that you got more attention than your DH because some salespeople seem to think that if it's a couple, one should always target the woman as she usually has the deciding vote...

I doubt it. When I worked it was all smart suits but now it is jeans and a sweater.

I wonder if clothes make a difference. #todressupornottodressup

I suspect car showrooms are full of people looking for cars they would like to afford but cant or wanting to get a look at a make and model they will then go out and buy second hand. So few are actively looking with the intention of possibly buying, the staff only help those who actively ask for it, and then are very helpful.

I am surprised this still happens, it doesn't seem to here. Perhaps Hilda and I are very lucky in where we live. I don't even get patronised like Lily seemed to.

We have spent a lot of time this week going round car showrooms and in one near a big city we kept looking at the cars while the sales people sat at their desks. Was that because of our age or just laziness? Eventually I went up to one of them and said "There seem to be a lot of staff but no one has offered to help us". We got instant help! In all of the others we got great service and I got even more attention than DH so there was no sexism either.

I really do not think sex appeal comes into it. Looking at people in my local supermarket, very few of them, regardless of age or gender, ooze obvious desirability. I think it is how we value ourselves and our expectations for ourselves. Having worked most of my life in a male dominated environment, usually the only woman who was not a clerical worker, I am used to holding my own among men and possibly some of their air of effortless superiority has rubbed off on me

granniefinn

[Smile]

Thanks Galen just starred this a few weeks it's taking me a wile to work it out[Smile]

Square brackets were right. But don't use capitals or leave spaces!

Still can't work out how to get smiling faces (smile)

I find my problem is when I go into a bar at only 4'11 the staff seem to serve the tall ones on either side or even behind me [Smile]

You're right Flickety they are different. I don't like being ignored in shops but I think it's all part of the same syndrome. I don't think older men are ignored in the same way, whereas women are still only valued for their sexuality. I just think we should turn getting older to our advantage if we can, by recognising what a sham it is!