What the heck do I do?:

* Mishap* Stick to your guns girl.Appeal to his musical history and his wishes for you to make the most of this wonderful week.
You have gone above and beyond the call of duty in arranging taxis etc.for him to go to concerts etc.
I'm envious of a week at Dartington. Enjoy it to the full!

Whenever I go on a course to a different part of the country, I always promise myself a ''look round'' at the surrounding country. I always fail to do this as there is so much to do on these courses and if you are not careful you even forget to ring home! Just go, Mishap, think of yourself for once and immerse yourself in all the wonderful things on offer. Enjoy!

Greatnan

There is no rule that says you have to like the people you love.

Been chatting to sis on phone and I will head on down and, when I have a clearer idea of the programme, will phone her and Dad and see if I can arrange for him to visit the campus for a concert. She says she's happy to come to one too and bring him with her - I did not want her to be bothered with it all, but she seems quite happy about it.

While he is resisting a taxi because of the cost (even if I pay it) it appears he is "hunting" for his ISAs and thinks he has filled in something wrong online and may have "mislaid" £28,000 - hmmm! I think the less I know about that the better!

Here even

mishap this time is for you go and enjoy it, listen to all the comments on hear. You deserve the break dont tear yourself apart over it.

Exactly, kitty!

Nothing more to say Mishap except - enjoy!

Mishap I agree with everything GNs have said. You deserve this time, so don't let father spoil it. Please go ahead and just for once do what YOU want and need to do! xx

Oh dear, mishap, please just go along to your course and enjoy yourself - I agree with everyone else - I am sure this is emotional blackmail by your father. There are several good suggestions upthread - go along with whatever you feel comfortable with. Good luck.

I'm sure your OH is very pleased you're having some time to yourself, Mishap, and will certainly appreciate you coming back refreshed and happy! Don't let worry spoil your week.

Thank you to you all for your kind support - I think that basically I feel bad about leaving OH and the whole thing with Dad has just tipped me over the brink.

mishap you really do deserve this week and bags is spot on with her comments,I feel the thing is that in your dad's eyes you are still that young girl and have the energy to do all the things he expects of you,I hope you enjoy your time away and do not feel guilty in any way just keep the options that you have given him open.

We are united it seems in our support here. You deserve that week. He is being mean.

You sound very much like you need time to yourself to recharge your batteries. You have tried to include him and if he doesn't take up your offer that is his choice. Don't feel guilty, he probably won't even think about you not staying at his house when the week is over anyway.

You could also try saying just that to your Dad - that you are having a hard time of it and are going on this weeks course as something for yourself. That you would love to share some of it with him, but if the effort will be too much for him you quite understand and will write/phone him afterwards to tell him all about it. It sounds as though he would probably not be all that grateful to you for arranging for him to join you at a concert anyway "A long way to go to sit on a hard seat for two hours........."

Go with a clear conscience and have a whale of a time.

I feel quite angry on your behalf - he is being totally selfish and I hope you don't give in to this blackmail. If anyone deserves a break, it is you. If your OH can manage without you for a week, why should you let this selfish old man spoil it.

Sounds as if he is not only using emotional blackmail but is also a bit of a control freak - he doesn't want to do something so nobody else should either! Having been on the receiving end of this myself I do sympathise and can only repeat that you should stick to your guns and have a week for yourself. It sounds as if you are having a hard time at home with your husband's illness so you deserve to have a week doing something just for you.

Mishap I too agree with Bags He is being selfish as the old often are.
You have generously offered to include him and if he chooses not to join you then that is his choice. I don't think you should alter your plans, you deserve the treat.
Do not feel guilty, enjoy yourself.

Mishap.

Yes - it is Dartington.

As I am going down with a friend, on whom I am reliant for transport, I will have to go back when she does. I could I suppose go back on a train on another day - but then I will just feel guilty about leaving OH for longer - I feel bad enough about that as it is - he has difficult nights and will I know find it hard to be alone to sleep.

The irony is that when I do go and stay with Dad he is truly terrible company - he simply does not do conversation and sits and gazes at the wall until I am tearing my hair out. It is a bit easier for my sister who lives nearer, as she can just pop in for 10 minutes and then escape - when you stay there it is a huge problem - he does not want to go anywhere or do anything, but neither does he talk. Last time my brother went down he took him on a trip to a seaside resort and they saw the sights and bought some nice fresh fish and then went to a seafront cafe for a cup of tea - quote from Dad "It's a bloody long way to come for a cup of tea." - I expect you are getting the picture!

My sister nearby would, I know, help with transport, but she has quite enough on her plate and I do not want to burden her further.

What is it with women and guilt?

This week away was supposed to be a chance to have some fun and do something for myself (with the full support of my children who really want me to do this as they know that as OH gets worse the opportunities will decrease) and I now I just feel bad about it - hey ho!

You could perhaps put it as "If I come and stay with you separately/before/after I can give you all my attention and not be tired from all the activity and travelling" but stick to your guns. You have suggested plenty of ways to share the pleasure with him, he is being selfish to want you all to himself for those few days, and to deprive you of your full enjoyment of the course.

I agree with Bags - this is emotional blackmail. I know its hard but stick to your guns and enjoy your week.

My Mother is also a master of the art of emotional blackmail and it is only now at the age of 63 that I am beginning to be able to ignore it (with lots of help from my older brother who was never on the receiving end and who bluntly tells her she is being selfish!).

Perhaps you could offer to stay with him later in the year (it may help to stop you feeling guilty!).

Enjoy your week

I think you really deserve to enjoy this course and if you could just identify perhaps 2 occasions when you could see him that would be enough.Book a taxi decide on a lunch and present it as a fait accompli, he can say yes or no but at least you will have tried.Are you going to Dartington.?