Funeral No Show

The removal was on a Sunday where the body is in the funeral home and everybody turns up to shake hands and pay respects. The burial was on the Monday where only close family and friends would turn up.

My husband, born and bred in Ireland says a Sunday funeral is most unusual and he’d only expect work colleagues to turn up if they were friends out of work too?

Not many funerals take part on a Sunday vicars and priests are usually way too busy so that’s unusual I would not have expected any of my work colleagues to have attended my mum or dads funeral and they didn’t as they didn’t know them so why would they

I know it’s very different in Ireland I know funeral ‘addicts’ who seem to attend everyone’s funeral even if they only said hello once in the street but that’s not real is it ? why would you want people who didn’t know your mum to be there just to make the numbers up
Yes I ve had experience of Irish funerals and wakes and all the world and his wife turn up
SeanSean I think you need help with your grief which you are distorting by feeling slighted by your colleagues please consider getting some bereavement counselling it’s not really about numbers is it ?

Sorry this is so hard on you....and I am very sorry for your loss.....this was a huge bereavement and you expected the support typical of Irish community and culture..
I wonder if you could ask one of the colleagues who did come, for an honest view on why the others didn't. If it's normal in Ireland to have a good work turnout, there must be a reason that this didn't happen for your family. Whatever it is, sometimes understanding 'why' can help to process it and work it through.
Please don't continue to suffer, talk to someone who can listen x

I can understand you are upset but for your own sake it would be better to let this go or you will continue to feel lonely.
When you are bereaved you are much more sensitive than usual and have taken this to heart. Speak to your colleagues again and forgive them if that makes you feel better. Don't hold on to resentment.

Yes I have come to realise that they are not friends...only colleagues. It's an eye opener. I just don't know the best way to approach these guys anymore

In Ireland it's a big thing for friends and colleagues to turn up to a funeral even though they more than likely wouldn't know the deceased , they would only know the son or daughter of the deceased.
In Ireland hundreds could show up to the funeral to shake hands.
I'm just so disappointed with my colleagues that it's eating me up inside

Witzend

TBh I wouldn’t have thought it at all usual for a lot of colleagues to attend such a funeral, unless they’d also been close to your mother, or been friends with her.

Please try not to take it so much to heart.

I agree. These are colleagues not friends really.

So sorry for the loss of your mother - such a sad time for you .
As for your colleagues, as someone pointed out, I think it’s a bit unrealistic to expect all 22 colleagues to attend. In this type of situation, they usually nominate one or two, to attend.
Don’t feel bad Seansean - you are grieving for your Mum and you are very sensitive atm . Look after yourself

I have also known these guys for up on 20 yeaes

The funeral was on a Sunday and I wasn't expecting everyone to turn up but maybe 15 out of the 20

If they all had turned up, wouldn't your workplace have to close? I think it's unrealistic to expect everyone to go to your mum's funeral, I'm afraid.

Ah yes Sean that does explain it! I would not go to a colleague's parent's funeral unless they were a close personal friend. Perhaps the culture is changing a bit in Ireland? I'm very sorry for your loss.

In Ireland it's probably different from other countries. If a colleagues mother or father dies you just turn up at the funeral parlour or church to shake hands and offer condolences.

My apologies. I meant to say that I am from Ireland and it's normal for colleagues to attend a funeral of a work colleagues mother or father. If you work with the person you would usually turn up to offer sympathies at the church.

Did you ask them to come to the funeral? I would not go to the funeral of a parent of a colleague or work friend.
It would not occur to me to do so unless I was very lose to them and was asked.
Just be your normal self at work.
Your grief is not theirs and you will make them feel uncomfortable.

TBh I wouldn’t have thought it at all usual for a lot of colleagues to attend such a funeral, unless they’d also been close to your mother, or been friends with her.

Please try not to take it so much to heart.

I'm kind of asking how do I deal with these colleagues. Do I just talk to them as normal ?
At the moment I just say hello I'm a pleasant way in the morning and only chat to them if it's work related. I don't go near them otherwise. I find it a bit lonely yo be honest but I feel really let down by them.
How can I go back to be all friendly and chatty like nothing ever happened with these guys.
It doesn't sit right with me.

Thank you for your reply. I just feel so let down because I thought these guys were my friends but obviously it was one sided on my part. After my mum's burial I was so angry that I just went home to bed while the rest of my family went for a meal. I just have so much resentment for these so called friends.

Hi Seansean, I'm sorry for your loss. The death of a parent is a traumatic experience.

Unfortunately, in my experience, some people just don't know how to deal with death. They don't know what to say or how to react. There are countless reasons for this and if I were you, I wouldn't dwell on it, you have enough on your plate at the moment.

I would take comfort from the fact that 6 people did take the trouble to attend the funeral and support you. I hope that you had other family and friends there too. Those people will be the ones who have more understanding of your situation and can be there for you in the long term. Best wishes to you.

Help needed