“You don’t just lose someone once”

Having lost my husband over 4 months ago I completely resonate with this,I could never have imagined how bad I would feel, I sometimes wonder how I've got through it this far,it's so very very hard,so much harder than losing a parent or sibling.
I just hope in time I begin to feel better and can eventually move forward and make some sort of new life for myself and hope that anyone else going through this can do the same.

Beautiful words, Rosie and so true....

A moving poem. So much truth in it.

But to me, it is not the whole truth.
As a Christian I know my loved ones are with the Lord.
Meanwhile life is for living, as fully as we are able.

However, I do understand that we all grieve differently.

As are mine with you, Fartooold. I hope you find a way to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Sending a big hug.

It’s true, the more you love, the more you lose.
I miss my beloved parents and grandparents more and more as time passes, but am so grateful that I was lucky enough to have them. I still meet people who tell me how they remember the help my father gave them, nearly 50 years after his death and I still hear my mother’s wise words in my ears.

This is so lovely and so true. I lost my husband last September and many think I should be “getting over it” by now. This poem really resonates with me and certainly I seem to be losing him again and again. I still think he will be here when I wake up each morning. Thank you so much for this - I am going to print it out and pin it up.

Thus has been helping me. My DH is not dead but he suffered 3 life changing strokes which has effected him both mentally and physically, so he is no longer the man I knew for 35 years.

"Grief is not just an emotion-it's an unraveling, a space where something once lived but is now gone. It carves through you, leaving a hollow ache where love once resided.
In the beginning, it feels unbearable, like a wound that will never close.
But over time, the raw edges begin to mend. The pain softens, but the imprint remains—a quiet reminder of what once was.
The truth is, you never truly "move on." You move with it. The love you had does not disappear; it transforms. It lingers in the echoes of laughter, in the warmth of old memories, in the silent moments where you still reach for what is no longer there. And that's okay.
Grief is not a burden to be hidden. It is not a weakness to be ashamed of. It is the deepest proof that love existed, that something beautiful once touched your life. So let yourself feel it. Let yourself mourn. Let yourself remember.
There is no timeline, no "right" way to grieve. Some days will be heavy, and some will feel lighter. Some moments will bring unexpected waves of sadness, while others will fill you with gratitude for the love you were lucky enough to experience.
Honor your grief, for it is sacred. It is a testament to the depth of your heart.
And in time, through the pain, you will find healing-not because you have forgotten, but because you have learned how to carry both love and loss together."

"Remember" by Christina Rossetti is very moving and ends: "Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad".

I have had it on my notice board since my husband died.

So true! Thank you for posting this, and to all GN comments. X

I just want to send love to everyone who is grieving and thank them for sharing their thoughts and experiences.

GrannySomerset

So sadly true; my sense of loss increases rather than decreases and I am bereft.

So true Maw. I’ve been shedding tears tonight just from the sheer pain of missing my dear man.
Grannysomerset I had that poem at DHs funeral

Sorry it was Greyduster who mentioned the poem.

Please accept this with love.

My husband died 49 years ago, he was in the police force CID, onenight was working, never came home, his body was found on a country road early morning, his car had been rammed
We had 5 & 7 year old little girls. We were living in a police house, as was done then.
We had to move, no pressure but it was a fact. I couldn’t cope with buying a house for several years, it was something we would do together, I didn’t want to without him.
He died in a February, I took our dsughters on holiday that year, as we had done in previous years, it was so painful.
Our girls grew up,,finished school, had done the usual things,
Brownies, Girl Guides, swimming club etc. in their 20’s they
married, as they exchanged marriage vows i ached for my husband. When elder daughter had her first baby she said to me as I hugged her ‘I wish Daddy was here’.
I share this because memories can be painful but I wish I had many more. We were blessed to know love

Thank you Maw x I`m still grieving for my husband, one of my sons, and my eldest daughter, all lost within 8 years. My son was 53, and my daughter was 60.

Lovely poem and such deep heartfelt responses.
Two days after the funeral of my partner of 33 years we went into the first lockdown. We had a dog and I was lucky to be able to get out and walk her, upon one of these walks I came across a wall of graffiti which read
' let me die first or I will die twice'.
It was as if somebody had written my life on a big slab of concrete and it still generates the gut wrenching feeling of loss and pain.
Five years on my mind is still like a motorway of events. The pain and loss actually increases for me and I miss him more than ever.
I have an envy of people who are able to move on and I know its stupid of me not being able to process my grief but the emptiness isn't something one can always share and I believe the majority of people do not want to be around someone who can't so one puts on an act until in the loneliness of ones own company.
Thank you for pubishing this and for the people sharing their thoughts.

Donna Ashworth wrote this poemsl, she has a website.

Dear friends, your life stories touch me deeply. Yes, I know loss, too. With all my heart and soul I send love and healing to you.

I already had a little cry this morning, but felt comforted finding this post today. I reflected that I was very fortunate to have my lovely sister in my life for almost 79 years.

They will be forever in our hearts.

Thank you Rosieandhermaw.

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So many sad stories of loss on here. My heart goes out to you all.

I’ve had a cry this morning remembering 19 years ago today which was my niece’s wedding and the last time I was together with both my dear sisters.

Our middle sister died five months later aged 54. Eldest sister lived ten more years but was poorly for six of those years. She died the year after my DH, I miss them all so much and this poem certainly strikes a chord.💔

Thank you all you lovely ladies you have made me realise I am not alone.
It also made me think is grief is so painful as we loved them so much and it is a price we have to pay. I think in some respects we are lucky. Take care.

GrannySomerset

So sadly true; my sense of loss increases rather than decreases and I am bereft.

I am so sorry and sending you virtual hugs.

Lovely poem Rosie and the one off Greyduster, when I read them I cry because it sums it up.
I have lost a lot of people whilst they were young, my mother when I was 30 and she in her fifties, I think of her all the time so much I should have said to her. However, losing your husband, your sole mate, you lose half yourself, it was like sleepwalking through first few years. He knew he was everything to me and until his last breath told me to be happy and travel so I did, he was and is always in my heart. Further heartbreak when my beloved daughter estranged me.
We have a great capacity for carrying on and others have it far worse and always been grateful we had that time with each other, some never do.

It helps me to look at the positives of my situation, rather than dwell on the negatives.

DH is no longer in pain or struggling with his many health issues.
My adult children are now much closer to me and very supportive and helpful.
My house is now much easier for me to live in.
I have more choices in my life.

It doesn’t mean that I don’t miss him or am not suddenly overcome with grief, often unexpectedly, but it makes moving forward possible in a positive way, most days. I hope this helps.

Cabbie I could have written your post - especially the last paragraph.