I have been so strong for ten years. I am crumbling

Who was it that said "God gave women tears because He knew they had so much to bear."

An author, but I cannot remember who.

Crying when we want to be strong feels like a curse, but you know, I think it is often a safety valve.

So allow yourself what my mother called " a wee weep" then blow your nose, dry your eyes, wash your face, and put the kettle on.

You're not crumbling, ,just doing what mothers do - we weep when our children are sad,

karmalady

We are back on an even keel today, I have a lot of empathy with my daughter and could feel all her pain, I did take a lot off her shoulders. She is coming to terms, the `what if` was the worst part, very stressful, then when `what if` happened, the calm came to her.

Her husband is feeling so sad too and her daughter but together, as a family they have been strengthened and she can see what a wonderful diamond she has in her husband

Thank you for all the nice helpful and empathetic responses

I went on a cycle ride early today and blew the cobwebs away

Oh...that is positive Its amazing what you have done.
So glad you took the time for that bike ride.

With you every step of the way. My husband, best friend, and countless others have passed. Eventually, I have learnt to accept that death and grief are natural parts of life. Just know that I'm here to support you

It’s never only “just an animal” to animal lovers.

I feel for you and your DD.

Hang on in there

Karmalady I have just read this thread and thinking of you. 💐

Deedaa my husband died in 2004 and every evening at half past 6 I heard he crash through the front door drop both his briefcases in the porch and shout hello Whiff and I said hello Hubs . I used to see him sitting in his armchair with his laptop on his lap with files on the floor.

I don't believe in ghosts it was what my mind needed to get me through each day . But moving here in 2019 I don't see him except when I have a rant at him for dieing or if things have gone wrong and I shout at him this wouldn't have happened if he hadn't died. Then I see him standing by the window with the stupid grin on his face as if to say feel better now . When my daughter's boys have decorated the Christmas tree I see him looking at them . He always wanted to be a grandad but he was 47 when he died. We have 5 grandson's but I only see 2 of them .

My husband is with me in my mind and heart everyday . I lost his voice when he died but still remember how he phrased things and looked . Because of him I can get through everyday . We fought many obstacles together during our 29 years together and married for 22. Wish we had grown old together but that's life that's why it's so important to live everyday to the full.

In my old house I existed . Once my husband died our home just became a house he was my home . But moving to my bungalow I have a home again . As I have said before my husband was a wiseman and knew what I needed to live without him and that was a series of promises but couldn't fulfil the most important one and that's live the best life you can and since my move I do . Time flies by here . But my grief gets worse as the years go by but my love has never weakened. He was my one and only the other half of me and I was his .

I once worked for a very strong woman. In fact she was quite a hard woman. One day her horse was kicked by another horse while it was in a field and its leg was broken. She had to wait half an hour for the vet to arrive, and when I saw her next day she was crushed and it took her a long time to get over it.

It's nearly six years since my husband died and mostly life goes on as normal, but for a moment this evening I was thinking "Wouldn't it be lovely if he just walked in now and asked where dinner was". It never quite goes away.

So sad for you and your DD karmalady you are always so busy and such an inspiration for those of us in a similar situation, but who don’t have the knowledge and inclination to do the things you do! I hope the cycle ride cleared a few cobwebs and you continue to enjoy your allotment!

..and that the cycle ride helped

I've just read this, some very understanding words written above, which I echo. I'm very sorry to hear about your daughters horse and I'm glad she has her family around her. I remember you telling us about your husband from before. I do hope you are coping

Sorry to read about your sad time karmalady. Every day on the morning thread I am full of admiration at all your practical hard work.
I’m glad you feel more on an even keel today and although I don’t really believe the cliché that time heals, I hope every day that passes will help.

I sincerely hope the responses on GN are going some way to alleviate you great sorrow . I am so sad for you . My thoughts are with you and also with your DD who has had to say goodbye to her wonderful horse today. 💐

We are back on an even keel today, I have a lot of empathy with my daughter and could feel all her pain, I did take a lot off her shoulders. She is coming to terms, the `what if` was the worst part, very stressful, then when `what if` happened, the calm came to her.

Her husband is feeling so sad too and her daughter but together, as a family they have been strengthened and she can see what a wonderful diamond she has in her husband

Thank you for all the nice helpful and empathetic responses

I went on a cycle ride early today and blew the cobwebs away

Thinking of you and your daughter in your sad loss and sending love.

Karmalady 💐 💐 thinking of you and your daughter.

Some beautiful and meaningful sentiments expressed here.
I wish that I was as able to express my feelings for you both as some on here.

When we lose someone we try to adapt. We take the smiling face out of the jar and paste it on but underneath we live on the edge, often without even realising it, until something happens that pushes us over the edge. Then we realise we are not quite as strong as we thought but we know we can rise again as you will Karmalady. Big hugs.

Do hope you are feeling ‘less worse’ today. A friend told me that grief is like the ocean, there are times when it can overwhelm you but calm will return.

Karmalady - I am sorry for your loss and your daughter's loss.

karmalady your daughter's horse is as much a family member as human . I am sorry it has triggered your husband dieing . It's been 21 years for me but we always knew my husband wouldn't live 5 years he lived 3 once he was terminal at least we could sort out some things . We lived with the sword of Damocles hanging over us and it was awful when it dropped.

You didn't get the chance to say goodbye to your darling husband before he died. I know how hard it was for me to tell my husband to stop fighting as he couldn't breath on full oxygen he was unconscious but nurses always said hearing is the last thing to go. He died at home in our bed with me and our children. The moment he took his last breath half of me died and I haven't been whole since.

Others on the threads here have faced the sudden death of a husband or partner or worse still a child .

Grief never dies but love lasts forever. I know all the things I did wrong when my husband died but I was 45 what did I know about bone crushing grief. Thought I had to be brave for everyone else I was a fool.

Please don't fight your grief for your husband and let the tears flow the only person you will hurt is you . I would hate you to hurt yourself. I know you under your old name . And you have never done anything but help people and for the help you gave me back in 2019 I will forever be grateful for .

When the other half of you dies you lose the only person who knows the real you and you them . And especially when anything happens the only person you want and need you can't have . All you want is them to hold you and comfort you .

I feel lonely but only for my husband. I am not lonely living on my own .

I know how busy you have kept yourself over the years . But you still must let yourself grieve . You know what your husband would say . He wouldn't want you to hurt yourself . And grief does physically hurt . Even now something can trigger the grief I feel everyday and cause it to go into overdrive . And cry that much my eyes sting and my chest hurts because I had sobbed that much . Then feeling of total loss overwhelms me . Took me years to not to fight the feeling . But I am glad I give it full rein now when it hits .

Give your grief for your husband full rein you will feel better afterwards.

I have only read your opening post before writing this .

But will read the rest now .

My daughter-in-law had to say goodbye to her beloved elderly mare earlier this year.
So sad for your daughter.

karmalady you sound like you are still suffering the trauma of the shock of your beloved husband's accident and death 😓

* Karmalady* for you and your daughter.
‘grief is the price we pay for love’ so said our late QEII, and no other phrase has ever summed up the emotions and feelings we experience when we are bereaved, so accurately, imo. x

What a heavy responsibility we have for our animals karmalady, my love to your brave daughter and of course to you, always appearing so strong and courageous, it’s time perhaps to have some quiet space. xx

Karmalady 🪻🪻🪻

I’m so sorry to hear this, both the loss of your husband and the loss of your daughter’s beloved horse. I’ll light a candle too tonight. Grief is something that resurfaces sometimes unexpectedly triggered by obscure things, a word, a song. I guess that we need, sometimes to go with that grief.x

It is always only just below the surface and suddenly something will trigger it, however many years have passed.

Look after yourself as well as your DD.