Getting rid of the anger

I’ve been angry for 5 years since losing my son. People have fallen away, a few have remained silent and the best people have been who just listen and not given up. Anger is very understandable in grief, I lost my son to cancer, I didn’t really have anyone who truly understood my grief, it’s taken me 5 years to get some kind of peace with it, doesn’t stop me missing him every minute of every day. Be kind to yourself as much as you can, it gets a little more manageable but it will not change what’s happened or make your grief go away. Sending love, ❤️

I found The Four Phases of Grief by Colin Murray Parkes very helpful.

Shock and Numbness
Yearning and Searching
Disorganisation and Despair
Reorganisation and Recovery

Yearning and Searching: Also referred to as pining, this stage is characterized by the grieving person longing or yearning for the deceased to return to fill the void created by his or her death. Many emotions are experienced and expressed during this time, such as weeping, anger, anxiety, preoccupation, and confusion.

Of course, he expands on each section. It reassures you that what you’re feeling is normal and, of course, not everyone feels the same. 💐

This is a lovely poem.

Most of us have known a deep and painful grief.
I think the more you loved the more you have lost. Try to remember that love. It will help sustain you however angry you feel.
Thinking of you.

Sending hugs.

Woodle despite being a regular on gransnet , I don’t know your story or Carol. But I am thinking of you

I know exactly how you feel; I am still bereft rather than angry but struggle to find much good in life. I know this will pass, and writing it down helps, but in the end we have to grieve alone, and that is the hardest part.

As LRavenscroft says, write it all down, vent your anger onto the page, later you can either keep it or burn it.
They all say that grief is a process and sadly it has to be gone through and there are no short cuts.
Do what you have to do and take care of yourself 💐

Woodle, your post has brought tears to my eyes this morning. You are in my thoughts and know I am thinking of you. Sending your strength and wishing you well. 💐💐

Anger is part of grief, raging against the night, howling as we try to expel the fury at our loss.
This too will pass. Grief has many stages, they don’t run smoothly but catch you out unexpectedly. Feel your feelings. Anger often covers fear, anxiety, loss and more.
I’m 8 months on and grief is ever present but doesn’t knock me over like a tsunami as it did in those dark early weeks.
Take care of yourself, try to eat, sleep, walk and rest.

Could you start journaling? I know it sounds a bit trite, but it helped me no end when I went through a summer of family deaths. Just jotting down my thoughts from day to day helped me through some very difficult times when six members of our family passed away in as many months. Also, walking, just planning different walks around your favourite places where you and your loved one walked together or visited. Sending many heartfelt wishes.

Anger along with sorrow, loss, disbelief, regret, and just about every emotion you could name - all of these are perfectly normal when someone we love dies.
I found this poem which I first heard spoken so movingly by John Hannah in “Four Weddings and a Funeral” said so much to me

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W H Auden

Sincere sympathy