Belated bereavement counselling after a second marriage

As the gentleman concerned is a colleague I really think you are out of line having anything to do with the situation.

I think it’s vital to talk about a past relationship even more so when there is a bereavement. It think helps a current relationship if you are able to understand as much as possible about each other & what you may or may not have gone through. The only thing to be wary of is making that person sound too saintlike.

Sometimes people are so afraid of facing difficult feelings that they will do anything to avoid them, even rushing into marriage in a bid to move on too quickly.

Hopefully in your colleagues case the counselling will help him come to terms with his grief for his first wife and help him evaluate his relationship with the second.

As for keeping the counselling secret... ? Not going to make a judgment on that.

Thank you GagaJo and Georgesgran. It seems that rushing into another marriage so soon after bereavement, whether for emotional or practical reasons, can be a mistake.

My grandmother married her widower husband within 6 weeks of his first wife’s death!!

Basically he wanted someone to look after his two daughters who were running wild! His first wife was ‘big in the Church’ - cleaning it, arranging flowers, Mother’s Union etc and had no time for her children. When she died it was a quick marriage or I suspect they’d have been taken into care. Of course it was the talk of the Pit Village, but nothing had been going on.
My grandmother was a lovely quite refined woman whereas he was loud and rough. They never seemed to really gel.

Not me, but my grandad quickly remarried after my granny's death. He remarried in grief and after he started to come out of his grief, 5 or 6 years later, intimated to me that he regretted remarrying so quickly. He was an honourable man however, so he stayed with her until his death. A shame, because she was a horrible woman.

I think it takes a long time to come out of the shock at being bereaved after a long marriage. The sudden abandonment.

I have a male friend whose wife died from cancer. He got into a relationship very quickly after his wifes death. There was a lot of gossip about it, amongst his wifes friends, but I could see why. He had suffered through his wifes decline and wanted a bit of normality back. It didn't last though. I guess you would call it a kind of bereavement rebound effect. 8 years later, he is in a more stable relationship.