Where to dispose of ashes.

Yet another with ashes in the wardrobe with his walking boots and favourite jumper !
My DH died last December , he loved France and the plan was to scatter them there but Covid scuppered that . Now after discussing with the family we are going to scatter them in the lovely Forest nearby on the anniversary of his death, and keep some back to hopefully scatter in France next year all being well .

Until my mum died I had thought people who kept ashes were just a bit bonkers, but I found it hard to part with hers, even though I knew she wanted to be in the grave wth my dad. It took me over a year to arrange things and I found the day we interred the ashes quite difficult. I'm not sure I would have done it if it hadn't been her expressed wish. So I now understand all those who are keeping a loved ones ashes. As for the OP I reallly don't know. I believe some people have them made into fireworks and rockets.

You can always have them made into a diamond, if you can't bear to part with the last memory,(https://www.heart-in-diamond.co.uk/how-to-make-diamond-ashes.html ) but sounds like it might be better to discreetly dispose of them. It seems your sister would be happy for them to go. Did they have favourite places to go on holiday, a favourite walk or park?

The funeral place who took care of my mum(I will say that loosely)

Did offer a fingerprint service, where they take an ink fingerprint of their ring finger and you can have it made into a pendant or similar, the fingerprint is like a mould/3D effect.

Bikergran to me that's sounds creepy. I suppose it's the modern version of the Victorian idea of keeping a lock of a dead loved ones hair in a locket.
But then again some might think I am creepy keeping my husband's ashes.

I am glad to find out I am not the only one with ashes in a wardrobe. Even after almost 17 it's a step to far for me. I made my husband a lot of promises which I have kept. He never said anything about his ashes . Since his death I like many have had to do a lot of firsts.

He made me promise I would go on holiday a year after his death. So I did . At the age of 46 when on holiday for the first time ever on my own just to York for 4 days. Whilst there I went into a pub for the 1st time on my own and had lunch. Seems strange but I had been with him since I was 16. Haven't been on holiday since.

My daughter knows where his ashes are and they will stay there.

At least we had the funeral we wanted. I feel for everyone who have lost loved ones since Covid. As they haven't been able to have things the way they would have liked. With Covid and my own health problems it has made me think about whether I want a funeral. I have decided I don't want one. There are companies which just do cremations and have decided in the new year to look into them and see about pre payment.

Has anyone else thought about this or done it?

I learned from DD, a vicar, that it is illegal to dispose of ashes wherever you fancy. Apparently, it is "disposing of human remains" [which I suppose it is]. Be very surreptious, unless it is in a churchyard, crem yard, or something like that.
I have learned from experience, that later generations may want to know where their ancestors are buried, also sometimes the bereaved find comfort to talk to the dead person in their places of rest (in your mother's case, Nellsmum, the mantlepiece"].

GrandMattie that's why we did it at dusk. When you are given the ashes there is a letter with them stating what they are and has to be kept with the ashes. Can't remember what else it says as haven't looked at it since I got my husband's ashes.

When going to pick my mums ashes up about 2 months ago, there was the certificate inside the box.

I never got a certificate/paper with my Dh ashes 6 yrs ago.

Apparently I should have done

grandMattie,
My dear aunt asked in her will for her ashes to be scattered into a local highland river. Her husband was earlier scattered there.
On the day we could not find the spot she named. We stood on a small bridge and did the deed. Just at that moment a ray of sunshine shone on us. It gave all of us a lovely feeling but also strange.

My Dad's ashes were placed in a sunny corner of the garden that my parents created together and an apple tree was planted in that spot. Mum's ashes were added there some years later. My brother now lives in the house. It's so comforting to think of them as part of that tree through the seasons.

We disposed of my Mum's ashes on Dartmoor - in amongst rather a lot of sheep excrement unfortunately; and during a howling gale!

My OH has been buried in an extremely beautiful churchyard in the country underneath the yew tree. He wanted me to be buried there too when my turn comes; but I hate the idea of digging into his grave - the consolation I have for his death is that he is at peace after years of misery. I have asked the girls to have me cremated and put the ashes on his grave.

The stonemason has just sent the design for his headstone - "I rest in the grace of the world and am free" is the epitaph around the curved top face of the stone; with small carved swifts around his name; and a small lapis lazuli embedded in the top edge of the stone.

You could always have them interred together? One of my relatives had her ashes buried in a special plot.

I turned to this thread for inspiration as I have just collected DH's ashes. He died in November.
They are in a cylinder, as for whisky, inside a funeral parlour gift bag. It is like an unwanted Christmas present. I say unwanted because I don't know what to do with them yet. Life is so full of decisions at present.
I worry they will become a kind of focus in their own right, in state in the middle of the sitting room rug, like a holy relic. He would not have wanted that.

I still keep my Dad's ashes although I have parted with some of them. We mingled some with Mum's when she died and scattered them around a rose bush in DB's garden. I also took a few to dad's birthplace and scattered them in the river.
Mum's ashes are still with my sister!

Well Nellsmum did you make a decision?

I’ve still got my mother’s - she died in 2015 - and my brother has my father’s - he died over 2 decades earlier. At least I suppose he has - when I asked him a while ago he said, ‘I’ve got something - it’s either the old man or the scrapings out of the wood burner.’ (I promise my father would have laughed!)

I’d love to scatter them together, but they didn’t really have any ‘special’ place - or at least not anywhere we could scatter them.

We live close to a Royal Park, where there’s a beautiful woodland garden ablaze with azaleas in spring. They both enjoyed gardens, so I thought it’d be ideal - as a Royal Park I can’t think it’s ever going to be bulldozed and built on, but a sister, while making no alternative practical suggestion, can’t agree. ?
So she’s still there, on a shelf, along with our former dog and cat.

I want to be dissolved in water. Scattered off a pier on a favourite highland loch. Or whatever is most convenient for the family.
luckygirl that stone sounds lovely.

Oh Jane my aunt's ashes were to scattered on our local loch at 11 am as the church bells tolled as she had been a choir member for 70 years. Sadly every time my cousin went over to the lochside the ducks thought they were about to be fed. It took a lot of tried to get the ashes scattered.

I hope your aunt had a good sense of humour! The loch I have in mind doesn't have hungry ducks but I wouldn't mind if it did. I'd like to give my family a last good laugh if possible.

My dad died nearly 50 years ago, he wanted to be cremated and said his ashes were to be scattered to the four winds.

Back then, you didn’t seem to be offered the ashes, and so they were just scattered by crematorium staff, none of us were there.

When mum died 16 years ago, I said I wanted somewhere to ‘go/visit’ and so her ashes were interred in her parents grave at a local village churchyard.

Dad died at a relatively young age, I feel he was ‘set free’, whereas Mum was 92, frail, worn out, and she is now ‘at rest’.

My husband died just over 4 years ago. A few months later, we took his ashes to his favourite little seaside hamlet in Scotland and scattered them from the beach into the sea. We stood by a certain rock, so that we know where to go whenever we visit. I`ve asked to be put in the same place.

I have been pondering about what to do with ashes.

We have looked at all sorts, and are still undecided.

I really wish I had a garden.

Dad was scattered in a park he was particularly fond of. Mum in the grounds of a church she liked. I'm being scattered off the end of a pier.

A couple of years ago on holiday, we met a woman who proudly showed us a tattoo of feathers on her midriff which contained some of her husband’s ashes. She also wore a feather ring which contained more of his ashes.
The Bodach was buried in the village cemetery, which is where I’m going too ( but hopefully not just yet).

grandMattie is quite right. You would need the landowner's permission, too, to 'deposit' anything. Otherwise you are flytipping!

My late husband didn't like graves or graveyards, considered them a waste of good land. He said to just scatter the ashes 'anywhere'.

I couldn't see any point in keeping them - as they meant nothing to me. His sister, though, wanted them in the family grave, so in they went. It was assumed that I'd visit, too, but I haven't.

Mums ashes were put in the local church yard at her request. Dads were added years later when we tidied the small plot.
FILs are in our garage and will be scattered somewhere on the south coast with MILs when the time comes by their request.
Mine and DHs will be taken to our favourite place in the West Country.

I went on a cruise and scattered half of DH's ashes at sea, as he loved the sea. He had been a keen sub-aqua diver, and a qualified yacht skipper, and also loved the few cruises we had done together. It was all officially arranged with the cruise company and the captain's permission had to be sought. The chaplain did a lovely little service for just me, it was all very personal. His ashes were scattered somewhere between Denmark and Sweden.

The other half of his ashes were scattered in his favourite lake in the Lake District where he did a lot of his diving training. This time the close family (me, DS, his partner and the 2 DGDs and DD and her husband) were there. We then repaired to the local pub and raised a few glasses in his memory!

I still have a few left in the container, which is sitting in my wardrobe.