The loneliness on losing a partner

My husband died over 11 years ago. I missed him dreadfully but I'm one of the lucky ones in that I have always been good in my own company so although I was alone, I wasn't lonely.

Greengage I think I might be like you, I know what you mean.
But my husband doesn't think he'll cope, says we must go together . (?How)

On the eve of my darling Paw’s birthday I am unsurprisingly in reflective mood.
How lucky we were to find each other all those years ago (1966) and however much I miss him, I realise how privileged I have been to share my life with all its ups and downs with this gentle and principled man.
As to his legacy I only have to look at our lovely daughters and our wonderful grandchildren.

Maw, you certainly are blessed, as was Paw.?

My sympathies too, my DH died in February, have always liked and enjoyed my own company, but this is something different. Can't see it getting any better. Whatever I do, wherever I go, he's not there. I felt so alone yesterday in a crowd of over 10,000 rugby fans. No-one prepares you for this. But, like Maw, I feel blessed to have known him and had his love for nearly 50 years.

It doesn’t get any easier does it?
Sometimes I think I am coping better and then great waves of emptiness wash over me leaving me with the life sucked out of me.
The girls, SILs and DGC s were all here today to honour his birthday and take flowers to Grandpa’s grave.
So sad that only the older two are likely to remember him in future years and that DD3’s “bump” will never know him.
Then they all went home and it was just (Hattie and) me and my memories.
Got to get on with life now.

Oh dear, just realised I had already posted on this thread, that'll teach me to read everything thoroughly, so sorry folks. Why isn't there a delete like there is on Facebook?

Lovely photo of Paw.

I've been a widow o orsome years and am usually okay about it. Now I am selling the house where we lived together and today I received a letter from my solicitor asking my husband to sign the contract and several other forms. They have his death certificate. I now feel quite upset more than angry about their incompetence. I'm sure the other widows here will understand.

Absolutely Grandma Moura it is crass and incompetent.
No excuse for anybody to claim the letter was “computer generated” either.
My “favourite” if you can call it that was the email from The Tablet (Catholic magazine) after I had cancelled the subscription “acknowledging the change of address”
I emailed back asking if they knew something about “where he had gone” different to my hopes.
I also sobbed my heart out at the time.
Feeling for you

Sorry Moira

Grandma Moira what an upsetting thing to happen. There are so many trip hazards on this journey
Didn’t the solicitor register the change of ownership of the house to you at the time? This should have been done when your DH’s affairs were sorted so the documents would need only your signature now as the sole owner. Get the solicitor or executor to check with the land registry or it might delay your sale.

Maw a lovely photo again. Another sad first. Take care.

I lost my husband nine months ago. He was never ill and had what we thought was a bad chest infection. I eventually got him to go to the Dr. He was admitted to hospital on that Monday. On Wednesday we were told he had lung cancer. On Friday told he was terminal. He died ‘suddenly’ in my arms 99days later , waiting for an ambulance after I dialled 999 three times. They didn’t arrive in time. I hate weekends. I ‘notice’ couples. I cry, just because.......
I have never lived alone from being 17, we were married 46 years. My son and family are close by and brilliant and include me in lots of things. But I try to refuse some invites as I don’t want to become a limpet. Nights are so hard. So quiet. And regularly so sad.
Thank goodness I have my cats for some permanent company.
I don’t see a fantastic future in front of me , I just miss him so much.
I agree June, the missing a cuddle and the loneliness is hard to bare.
So many of us in this awful position.
No answers, we just have to carry on.
My best wishes to all who are struggling.

Annie what a sad post. ?

May I share this with you ?

My grandson called to see me last Saturday. I rarely see him now he moved away several years ago. He is 26. Just a few years younger than my husband when he died. I felt such sadness, my husband is still young. He didn’t see his daughters go to High School, marry, didn’t see his grandchildren, didn’t see me grow old.

When you feel lonely without your husband hold onto your shared memories , to be without your husband is so hard, to have only very few old memories of a young man you adored is so painful

So many sad and also lovely posts here from people who are grieving their partners. We all carry on because we have no choice but the missing of a loved one never goes. I sometimes sit and look at my husbands laughing photo and remember the happy, good times that we had for nearly 60 yrs. I am so grateful for those years that we spent together when I was so loved and thankful for the family that we had together. No matter how much others love you it is not the same as being given a big hug and told every day 'I love you' by that special person who chose to spend his life with you. I have to feel thankful now that he is no longer suffering and put my feelings to the side. Not easy but I try.

Oh Annie, I'm so sorry to read your sad post as I am other peoples, and I wish I could help. I know I've been lucky and blessed over the years with DH. We are now Darby and Joan (!) after 54 years, happy and content with our fast approaching decrepitude! and although we have had two bouts of Prostate Cancer to face up to, for the moment the outlook is positive. Can I share.

' The day that we got married they told us we were one,
But no one told us what to do when half of one is gone,
You were the other half of me, a heart linked with my own,
What do I do with half a life now I am alone.'

Maw, what a lovely photo. Paw looks such a lovely man.
The nearest have come to complete despair was when my mother died quite suddenly in her sleep at a relatively young age. I just couldn't believe she wasn't there anymore and even 32 years (yes it's that long ago!) later I still miss her, her sympathetic chats over my ups and downs real and imaginary! her ability to make me laugh, her devotion and loyalty to me all my life. (The conservative ladies!!!!) My stepfather died 8 months later from cancer, but we were sure it was a broken heart. I surely do miss those two!

Sunday lunchtime and Mike and I would have been driving out to a country pub for a drink. Miss him so much........

to all - stay strong. There is no-one who can really understand your loss, however hard they try. I hope that the mutual support on this thread is helping.

Lovely photo Maw

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