Should we downsize to help our adult children out?

You would probably have to move area. The national average for a semi is about 400k.
If you are not able to get a place in the area you are in and you I would stay put. However if there is a cheaper alternative in a place you have all the amenities in I would soendcsone yime there and if it was good I would move. Makes things easier later on. I should have moved years ago, but with a diffucult build next door think I left it too late.

‘ Bad granny’ has surfaced yet again! I would be looking after myself and my future, I’m afraid. We don’t know how things are going to turn out, and it’s a giant step to take with fingers crossed that everything will be okay. Of course it could be, but what if your children decide to move away for whatever reason, or relationships may break down, or jobs could be lost or improved, so many things can happen.
I may think differently if a child was in serious difficulty, but, for me, I wouldn’t be jeopardising my own comfort in the future because they could do with a bit of help. I’m sure many of us could have in our early years of marriage, but we got there in the end!

Although we struggled financially when we were young I would have hated my parents giving up their home to help me out.
They were happy there and had put a lot into that house as I'm sure you have done in yours.
I don't think it's a good idea to give up your home for that reason.

What are prices like near you and what could you afford if you did sell up and give DC some money? I know one couple who did this but they moved to a rural location from London where property was much cheaper. Our house is worth pretty much the same as yours as we would have to move areas if you we did what you suggest.

Stay where you are.

We did. My wonderful husband subsequently passed away. I have gifted much of my inheritance to the children, very happily so. Great peace of mind, knowing they are ok.

To downsize in my area (?and to make it worthwhile ) we would only be able to afford a flat. This is something I couldn’t really do as I’ve always had a garden and would struggle without one now.
I wish there was a way a bank could give me 800K ( interest free 😀 ) so I could help my kids out now rather than when I die, and then the bank just have the house then.
We’ve looked at equity release but it’s not for us. It wouldn’t release nearly enough cash for one.

Oh well.

Thank you all for your replies.

I am 63 too and would not dream of downsizing to help my 3 children.

We love our home and wish to enjoy it, our married life starting out was not easy financially.

Our first home was a terrace on a main road, then a small Victorian townhouse, we moved many times through my husband’s work and worked our way up the housing ladder.

We didn’t fly abroad or holiday in an hotel for the first 20 years of marriage, we both worked hard and paid for our 3 children through university.

It’s our turn now.

If I’m totally honest, my answer would be “no”.

We have 5 children between us, youngest 24, oldest 41. When my DM died and I sold her house, I gave the children each a modest amount of cash each.

Children have to make their own decisions and choices and it’s their lives.

We cannot afford to help them out more. My dear parents lived in a very modest house and when they died, I used the bulk of the cash to pay off our mortgage and do much required home improvements in our old terrace.

£10,000 each was what we handed the children, plus £1,000 each the following year, plus £500 to our grandson, who was our only GC at the time.

We feel we’ve done our bit.

It’s pretty hard for children, but in our area it’s certainly a “buyers” market. The two daughters still living at home are 26 and 28 and managed to save substantial home deposits. One completes tomorrow and the other will do so before the end of the year.

The two who left home decades ago both have their own (mortgaged) homes and our youngest, 24, is a nightmare and blew all of his cash on musical instruments, equipment and a super-duper PC l, a trip to Las Vegas (for a long weekend to see his favourite USA based band!), and socialising 😱😱 His choice and he has to live with it, as there’s no more money!!

I wouldn't do this if it ment I had to leave my perfectly suitable house.

Your son may not like his house but he is single and has a home - he can move if he wants the upheaval of I.

One of my daughters lived in a home she really disliked and did just that.
It did cost her but was doable.
We paid for the removal van to help her out.

Sago

I am 63 too and would not dream of downsizing to help my 3 children.

We love our home and wish to enjoy it, our married life starting out was not easy financially.

Our first home was a terrace on a main road, then a small Victorian townhouse, we moved many times through my husband’s work and worked our way up the housing ladder.

We didn’t fly abroad or holiday in an hotel for the first 20 years of marriage, we both worked hard and paid for our 3 children through university.

It’s our turn now.

I completely and utterly agree!!

We feel that way, both worked full time, DH from 16-60, he gave up work to care for his mother, me from 19-64, I also cared for both parents whilst working full time and I took absolute minimum maternity leave.

We genuinely feel it’s our time now (though due to current situation will have to be just a little more patient and wait a wee bit longer than anticipated)

It’s all down to the choices we want to make and we’ve always been really open with our children.

When we do downsize, and in a couple of years we will, due to having a pretty modest house, we will release some equity and we plan to have a last “hoorah” holiday!

We have a small terraced house in London that we thought of selling when my DH had a massive stroke, and we planned to get a bungalow in a cheaper part of the UK and help our children financially. They were horrified we were thinking of doing this, knowing how much we love our location and how important it is for their father to be in familiar surroundings. So we modified our property with the help of the OT, with my DHs bedroom now downstairs where the dining room was, and the dining room in a small conservatory at the back. Is not ideal but it works for us.
Please don’t give up your home if you can help it. Your son might hate his flat but he has a roof over his head and can hopefully save towards getting a better place in time.
Don’t feel guilty, it has been a long and often arduous journey that has brought us where we are, we deserve to live somewhere we love as we get older. And after all it will be their inheritance.

I tend to turn a question like this on its head and ask myself if I would ever have expected my parents to give up their much loved home to release some funds for me when I was younger and the answer is always an emphatic no!

It’s the same as the alleged resentment among some of the younger generation about the annual rise in the state pension.
Nothing like that happened when we were young, not to my knowledge anyway.

My advice would be to stay where you are in the house and area you love.
We all want to help our adult children as much as we can but there has to be a limit

Fallingstar

We have a small terraced house in London that we thought of selling when my DH had a massive stroke, and we planned to get a bungalow in a cheaper part of the UK and help our children financially. They were horrified we were thinking of doing this, knowing how much we love our location and how important it is for their father to be in familiar surroundings. So we modified our property with the help of the OT, with my DHs bedroom now downstairs where the dining room was, and the dining room in a small conservatory at the back. Is not ideal but it works for us.
Please don’t give up your home if you can help it. Your son might hate his flat but he has a roof over his head and can hopefully save towards getting a better place in time.
Don’t feel guilty, it has been a long and often arduous journey that has brought us where we are, we deserve to live somewhere we love as we get older. And after all it will be their inheritance.

I so agree

Inheritance tax wise, it might be better to help them up to the annual limit, each year as you go along rather than giving them large sum which will come under the 7 year rule
Also having you as a backup with spare rooms will give them a feeling of security.
It also costs a lot of money to move, which you could give to them.

Downsizing because you need too, like moving to a more accessible property makes sense but just to financially help your children would not work , smaller houses do not necessarily come with a lower price tag, the area is a big factor, then you have to " loose" some of your amenties.

I wouldn’t, you could be depriving yourselves of asset that might be needed for decent care in the future too.

Absolutely not. Stay where you are and enjoy your lovely house.

Can I just say that the gifts that anyone makes put of income must be just that. If anyone s doing this, please look at the quite detailed info required and keep a record of your regular outgoings.
My lovely mother-in-law gave my husband (us really) "gifts out of income" and we had to prove they were truly out of income.
Had she kept a record of her expenditure it would not have taken me hours of working it out.
Determining household expenditure, taxes paid, total income, car/house insurance, travel costs, entertainment costs, holidays etc was an extremely tedious job.

If anyone is giving gifts out of income please take note!

Do it while you’re alive and you’ll see the pleasure it brings. We did.

Sorry if this is hijacking the thread a bit but some people are obviously giving to family whilst alive which is obviously tax efficient.

This is what you need to be aware of (and my mother-in-law was not) - scroll down to page 8 and you will see the various items.

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/6a38f59a00ff27f06e3efb7e/IHT403-06-26.pdf

If you just had a notebook and jotted things into each category each year it wouldn't take long - but once you are dead it would be a great help to the ones left behind.

Just leaving signed notes saying "this is a gift out of surplus income" is apparently no longer sufficient.

Downsizing should only be done IMO if it's what you want for yourselves.

It all depends on wiggle room really, if downsizing is on the cards or a large garden/maintenence is taking too much then releasing a bit to help out is quite easy.
I personally would do it if I ever felt my daughter & family were in difficulties and who knows with AI doing away with so many jobs, the ecomomy or even health reasons.
We actually have spoken about selling up and all living together at some point (annexe, so separate enough!)
I always enjoy moving and setting up a new home, so
I'm not averse to moving anyway as I'm more into the area - landscape, history and the local architecture etc than the actual house which at least can be altered.

If you like where you are, can manage the house and garden then stay, Kandinsky Only move if it the right thing for you to do. It sounds as if you have everything you need in your area too. At 63 you could move, make new friends but you'd have to do a lot of research to find the right area that meets your future needs. Could that be nearer family?

Cossy, that made me laugh. Is it Youngest Child Syndrome? I recognise it (although I was a youngest child and it didn't apply to me, as things were different many years ago!).