DIL Requested a £100 Baby Gym

knspol

I think it might be a bit much to ask sis in law to carry or pack a probably quite bulky parcel and if in a suitcase it may even be damaged on arrival.
To maintain the peace and only if you can afford it, I would point this out to your dil and just send her the money instead.

Sorry , I didn’t explain very well… The request for me to buy the gym was from their local Mama & Papa’s online store in Dubai. I was only intending to send my sis in law with small lightweight purchases not a gym as that wouldn’t be feasible.
I am just on a state pension and have a little part-time job and was saving to go and visit them in Dubai in a few months time, but to save face I have ordered the gym my DIL wanted. My son sent me a photo today of the baby with it. I probably wouldn’t have hesitated if DIL was appreciative. Previously, I had given her a designer romper outfit that my son wore as a baby and she had told me she prefered those type of French traditional clothes for a baby, hence following up with similar clothes. I didn’t see her for most of her pregnancy and it was just my way of getting involved, with the gifts. I know better now not to expect any reaction, in the future.

BrandyGran

I think we are all forgetting something. This dil is a new mum and this baby is very young. The poor girl has moved to a different country just having had a baby! Surely she can be forgiven for forgetting to say Thankyou for the clothes.
Send £100 for your son to go and buy the baby gym. Just explain that he would know better what they want.
It’s easy to feel miffed about manners but a new little person to look after takes every minute of your day and night!
Look forward to seeing your grandchild and best to keep on right side of dil! Good luck!

Just to give you some context; My DIL had a doula at home during her labour, before having a straight forward birth in a private hospital. Then she had a night nurse for a month. She has a live in maid. My son made everything possible for a smooth transition in Dubai. She was out at a restaurant in the evening, three days after the birth and was out horse-riding yesterday.
She was given the outfits in June.

Mokryna they have moved to Dubai. Yes I will use the online sites there.

I did suggest a cheaper gym previously sent a link to a Fisher Price one when we we were discussing ways to stimulate a baby. She proceeded to send me a Mama’s and Papa’s saying ‘ this one is much nicer. They are very wealthy and money isn’t an object to them.

Could it be possible that the clothes you sent weren't suitable for the climate where your DIL is living so she didn't bother with them?
Aside from that I would draw a line under it and just forget it. I say this from experience, when my first grandchild was born I sent my DIL £200 to boost a savings account for the new GC. I felt slightly dismayed when I found out that the money had been spent on clothes for the GC. This certainly was not my intention. I always ask my DIL what the GC's need for their birthdays and Christmases now. DILs have their own agenda!
If you can afford it send the money for the baby gym and in future I would ask what your new GC needs and tell your DIL how much you want to spend.

Primrose53 Awh that was really sad for your mum and a very unkind comment said to her. I dare say the cardigan was lovely. I hope your mum managed to pass it on to someone else later on who appreciated it. A relative knitted some cardigans for my son when he was a baby. One of them I wasn’t too keen on but I still photographed my baby wearing it and sent it to them. Treat others how you would like to be treated I say.

I found that parents appreciated hand knitted cardigans for GC, so that's where my efforts went subsequently.
The original folding carrycot we got for our own babies got a lot of use. I think it may have been used for 11 babies- getting refurbished at some stage! It was used in Ireland, India, USA,and Australia. Hence I thought a similar one might be useful for GC- but I was wrong!

I used to buy baby clothes for new babies, but always in 9-12 month size. However, when first grandchild was born, I decided to get a folding carry cot which we had found very handy. However, parents were into co-sleeping so cot wasn't used! I eventually got it back and passed on to next GC where it proved useful.
The moral is- check with parents what they want- in this case a baby gym! I don't think £100 is excessive for a present these days for a 1st grandchild.

Maybe too much is being made of all this, partly because of the move abroad so soon before the birth of the baby. In the circs I don’t think it so very important that your dil didn’t thank you in person for the clothes. I certainly wouldn’t say anything more about it to your son.
From the recent message I would assume that she plans to get the gym she wants if you don’t give it as a present, and also that she probably knows that you could afford it if you want to.

So I’d get it online or send her the money, not clobber up someone else’s luggage with it. And not bother too much about Christmas for a baby this young.

I feel for you. I loved choosing presents for my grandchildren when they were young and would have hated getting prescriptive requests. I bet I gave them newborn clothes that were never used either!

I agree with MissAdventure.
Buy the baby gym!!

Yes, but many children recieve gifts on birthdays, Christmases, and "just because".
Does everyone here donate money to needy children, sooner than buy for their own families?????
Reading the forum would say not.

My daughter woukd let me know what she was planning to get her boys, and I'd choose something from her "list". If I wanted to, and could afford it.

I think many babies get by in life without the use of a £100 baby gym..And that maybe a lot of young parents plonk a baby in those for too long instead of interacting withem.

No Notspaghetti- she did not explain,not really- what was said was that they had discussed baby interactive toys(of which there are MANY, both expensensive or cheaper) but that DinL had probably researched the baby gyms and found a dearer,more subdued coloured one she liked better,is the only explanation we got- why one that has similar features,but a lot cheaper,wasnt suggested,we dont know.I would suggest she either returns unworn stuff and then you get gym instead or offer her a small amount TOWARDS the dear gym so maybe a few of you can put towards the baby gym.

Think I’d buy the gym and ask to see photos of it in use.

Well OP never said a 'written' thank you- just a word of mouth or text one would be good enough,but the D-in-L obviously hasnt been brought up with same manners as the op's son.🤔She sounds entitled tbh if she asks for certain expensive items, seeing as shes already received some lovely gifts for their baby, and i suspect a lot of the mumsnet younger mums on here are the ones saying "just buy the gift"? Wouldnt that £100 best be put towards an air-fare to go SEE the grandchild soon instead? No i dont think she should just hand over the money,but say no to the daughter in law,as shes saving for a ticket to go see them instead.Then D-in-L can cross her off for gift and ask another mug instead.or buy herself, if she wants it so much.

Tbh I would be happy to buy something that they would actually want and use, I send presents to my grandchildren in the uk and ask first my son what they want ,it usually is within my budget or they ask for something towards it if it isn't,I do like a thankyou though and they usually send me pics through WhatsApp

I think, Nannan2, that the poster has already explained why this baby gym was chosen.

Maybe you could ask her to send back the unused and obviously unworn outfits/toys you gave them so you can return those & then send money for baby gym then instead??& i would ask her why it has to be THAT particular baby gym as well?maybe she could supply pics of it etc etc? If you could get one for less that does same things i would suggest the alternative? I think shes having you for a mug tbh and thinking, "oh his nan is going to pay for the very expensive item i want to get,no problem"- if its so great why hasnt she& your son bought it themselves by now instead? Its what parents do, mostly.If she says its too dear,say yes, well it is for me as well,but you'll gladly return all the other stuff you got if she returns them to you and then you can give that money instead.(is the gym a christening gift?parents dont usually ASK for particular gifts,especially very expensive items unless its a special occasion maybe?(you know similar to a wedding gift list?) You could tell her that,maybe she thinks thats what new parents do,like newly weds?But not usually,in real world- folk just buy a new baby or even christening gift that THEY choose,& want to buy.

I would suggest buying the baby gym. The absolute last thing you want to avoid is the new parents bickering over what you might or might not buy. Whether we acknowledge it or not daughter-in-laws hold all the power. Moving forward, they can make your access to your first grandchild very awkward if they so choose. You’ve already told us you don’t really get on with her. I wouldn’t rock the boat - just my opinion.

I think we are all forgetting something. This dil is a new mum and this baby is very young. The poor girl has moved to a different country just having had a baby! Surely she can be forgiven for forgetting to say Thankyou for the clothes.
Send £100 for your son to go and buy the baby gym. Just explain that he would know better what they want.
It’s easy to feel miffed about manners but a new little person to look after takes every minute of your day and night!
Look forward to seeing your grandchild and best to keep on right side of dil! Good luck!

Bung them the money with a nice greeting.

I do not recommend to buy the baby gym right away.
The baby gym is a suggestion after all.

OP is clearly resentful of the existing situation already.

If she spends that amount of money, which she considers excessive, and if she does not receives enough appreciation for it - it would make it all much worse.

Why not talk to her son and clear the air?
Make a budget and decide how much she wants to spend on her GS?

The baby is only 2 months old - a relationship is everything, presents are only physical things that mean nothing if they are going to create trouble.

TwiceAsNice

Buy the gym. If it’s too bulky for your sister to transport transfer the money into a bank account and ask her to buy it herself . Say you’d love to see a photo when she has it.

Always ask for suggestions for birthdays and Christmas . Many families , including ours share a list of presents which is indicative of everyone’s taste. Everyone gets something they like, win win .

I'm quite good at thinking of inexpensive things I'd like for christmas, but no-one else in my family apart from eldest son can seem to come up with any ideas when I ask.

NotSpaghetti

Nightsky2 your comment made me eye-roll!
Very silly!
🙄

MissAdventure

I think we'll have to agree to disagree, Nightsky2.
We don't want to get in a punch up over a baby gym

Definitely not but I would buy the gym if I was op.